How To Start Dating After Divorce AskMen

September 9, 2018 8:01 am

September 9, 2018 8:01 am


You're 100% right You're right woman want a dominant man as those are the traits of masculinity I don't know why you are being downvoted this is the truth Being dominant does not necessarily mean you are a asshole /watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg March 4 2013 at 5:06 pm It's actually very easy to define ";" they're the cool confident guys who in high school went out with the girls that the PUAs and MRAs wanted to go out with and who the MRAs and PUAs are still bitter towards I didn't settle I found a guy who was creative and passionate who was independent (he was living at home because like me he was still in university and so couldn't work enough hours to afford his own place yet) who I could have fascinating in depth conversations or hilarious ones with who I found very physically attractive (women do not all find the same things attractive–I personally am turned *off* by very muscular bodies) who shared similar values to me and who cared about me just as much as I cared about him and didn't play any games about whether to show it Frankly I think I lucked out Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 12:23 pm I feel like we're talking past each other a bit without actually disagreeing 🙂 But yes I agree there are definitely social factors at play that encourage men to blame women without turning their gaze within where it belongs First off the 80/20 rule is a convenient heuristic not a scientific rule Its kind of like the 5/23 Illuminati thing you can find it everywhere in direct correlation to your motivation in looking for it Now all that said I think the supposition that's being argued is that s (by whatever definition of you're using it varies) get more sex than non- s because women are wired to go for types because SCIENCE Is physical fighting-skills a necessity for a guy to be able to really feel safe in all situations – and so he thereby can mentally “allow himself” to be an -? (Because by being able to fight he doesn’t feel threatened by other aggressive s.) This is very important for me to know the answers to because I’m afraid of getting beaten up/hurt/wounded for life by aggressive s So that makes me scared of becoming a leader/- because he obviously will stick out from the crowd in the eyes of the aggressive s by being a challenge to them For example by showing a confident body-language which everyone stresses are so important to sexually attract women But a confident body-language also attracts aggressive s – in a negative way because they see me as a challenge and they thereby wants to defeat me I’m especially looking forward to your response on. Tosca says Ma at 6:19 pm Nobody is disputing this OBSquirrel We just (I'm assuming here) don't like it when these very reasonable normal life circumstances you just stated are spinned as women's FAULT because we're so picky and uppity and feminism is ruining everything!! Ron Ritzman says March 5 2013 at 8:54 am The Wikipedia article on the is an interesting read /wiki/_ About women “rejecting” a confident guy Mate there is no such thing as rejection No guy can be compatible with every woman he meets which is why we never say that you can pick up ANY woman you meet We have always only said the truth which is that pretty much every woman will feel attraction for you due to your confidence social intelligence and masculinity but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to like her and want her as your girlfriend and vice versa Read: //theres-no-such-thing-as- //fear-of-.html Cheers Dan Mel_ says Ma at 1:47 pm You know going back to that thread I noticed that it wasn't actually me who brought up the losing interest with sex idea even there It was eselle as it. @sarahjesness says at 4:22 am Gil says March 5 2013 at 4:44 am Uh huh The author talks of a mythological sexual equality where we were all like bonobos and freely had sex regardless of status look charms etc Then he talks of the /Beta(/Omega) spectrum being false I would argue otherwise And I'll ask again: how much do you get out? Do you go to nightclubs campus activities? Do you talk to people in your class at the club or wherever else you go for interesting activities? Do you ask out attractive women talking to them? If your answer is no you're really not in a position to comment on whether or not. For example a few decades ago an epidemic of rapes in Israel led to the parliament passing curfew legislation restricting women from being out and about dark Because women are the gatekeepers of sex the woman's movements has to be controlled in order to keep the gate closed No one paid attention to the fe legislator who pointed out that it would probably be more effective for the curfew to restrict *men* from being out dark – because men are not responsible for what they do you see? Last year an imam tried to make it illegal for bully burka-clad women to even show their eyes because he claimed that he and another man had gotten into a fight over a woman in a burka who had eyes that were too alluring You see how this works? If women are the gatekeepers then men *are not responsible for what they do.* The responsibility falls on the *woman* for everything which leads you straight back to classic rape culture Nope I'm sorry I'm not letting you have that I have been told in no uncertain terms that what I say my opinion of what makes a man attractive does not count it's just not true I'm sure you're right that many men do caveat with "observe what they do" but in my personal experience (and yes it's a survey of one with all the bias that entails) some of these men are not interested in hearing anything other than what they already think I think it's all terribly sad and such men only hurt themselves If you think every woman is hell-bent on stealing your life from you you're going to find that no one will live up to your expectations None of us is perfect Oh yeah I'd never deny that there are women who will complain about men in general! I just have never seen it reach anywhere near the coldness and hostility that I've seen from many MRA and PUA types except in rare cases where the woman really has been horribly mistreated by men in her life (not just "denied access" but physically and psychologically abused) Mcgee says March 7 2013 at 9:49 am oh and i forgot… usually good social skills/comfort too Hey James Very true There are a lot of negative consequences of not being The list literally goes on and on Good to hear that you’re leaving the problematic life of a lower-ranking behind Enjoy the great times ahead! Cheers Dan us. Another factor is that in general men are taught to express negative feelings in an outward way (through aggression and violence) because that's "powerful" and sadness and crying are "wimpy" whereas women are discouraged from being aggressive and taught to be nice to everyone around them… so who's left to turn those negative feelings on except themselves? There are a lot of psychological studies in this area and it's thought to be part of the reason aggressive disorders are much more common among men than women and the verse with anxiety and depressive disorders Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 8:56 pm I think different people have different ideas of what it means to "settle." As I define it "settling" is the gray area between "I'm completely enthusiastic about every aspect of this person" and "never in a million years," and that latter category includes anyone you *wouldn't* be willing to settle for Others may define "settling" more narrowly If there's a person you consider less than ideal — a man you consider too short perhaps — but you're still willing to date him perhaps even to marry him then that *might* be characterized as "settling." The difference may lie in how much weight you assign to the criterion on which you are compromising; if it's really not that important to you (which is the reason I picked a somewhat superficial example) then you can see it as "not really settling," even if he's not your *ideal* in every respect March 9 2013 at 4:39 pm PUA – "I can't buy a drink because it will appear submissive to a woman who I have to dominate." Nice Guy – "If I buy her enough drinks she'll owe me sex." Feminist as presented above – "I hate it when Nice Guys buy me drinks thinking that they can trade small favors for sex That's a huge turn-off." Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:35 pm Good for you Johnny! /sociallyenlightenedbrofist What about biologically? Testosterone levels are frequently held up as a measure of manliness – but testosterone production plummets 25 Is a man in his 30s less than one in his 20s? What if the man in his 30s is a politician and the 20 year old is a busboy? Unfortunately rape apologists and guys whose points about double standards always seem to lead to the conclusion that women should get back in the kitchen tend to come along for the ride. March 4 2013 at 12:16 pm Sure I get that because I experience it too I know plenty of women like myself who are also "cut off" and flawed and not attractive etc… and yet I only really see the anger and hatred from the men If anything women seem to turn the anger on themselves like Mel said I just wonder why men and women deal with the "cutting off" dynamic so differently (men with rage and Red Pills and PUAs women with Self Improvement and Cookie Dough. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 9:13 am Robert says March 4 2013 at 8:47 pm And you totally ignored my main point Congrats! Do you think it's okay for men to make degrading statements about women as a general group and treat them as subhuman simply because supposedly women can "get laid" more easily? Because *that* was what I was talking about Funny how you seem to think it's more important to emphasize the getting sex part and not the being treated like a human being part Because who needs to be treated like a human being if they can. I don't think you understand how this works If there exists even *one* not-horrific woman who rarely or never gets attention from men (raises hand where rarely is 4-5 times in 20 years) then that means *every* guy she encounters does not fit your theory that every guy will pursue any woman who's at least halfway decent looking That's an awful lot of guys who pass by every one woman who qualifies across her lifetime Which means there are an awful lot of guys who do focus on pursuing women they find particularly attractive and aren't extending attention to every single average woman who passes. Gothchiq says Octo at 12:07 pm uh… If there are barbs on your penis please see a doctor asap This is not a. March 5 2013 at 11:46 pm … Rather when men get status and power they become more sexually attractive to women but it doesn't automatically work in the reverse Yes rich women had to be careful of gold diggers too but no one ever told women "if you want to be more sexy to men then make a lot of money and status" Beyond that why are you trying to turn this into a "who has it worse" whinging contest? The thread isn't about whether men or women have a harder time finding sexual partners It's about how men and women *react* to the frustration of not being able to find a sexual partner Are you trying to say that more people being frustrated would somehow make acting out that frustration in hurtful ways more reasonable? I don't care if every man on the planet sometimes has trouble getting a date–that still wouldn't justify them making incredibly hostile and degrading statements about women as a general group or to treating all women as subhuman One day i received an anonymous message saying; “I’m a girl and I confess I like you a lot I can’t confront you i’m shy” then i found the girl courageous and asked her to add me on facebook and not to be afraid because I’m not arrogant and she did She noticed me in my graduation ceremony because she was invited by her cousin that studied with me Talking to her is amazing she’s very sincere and good she told me about her past and the boyfriend she was with for 4 years before they break-up last november she confessed in beginning April All out dates were amazing we get so along with. … though I will say that I've heard too many women in that situation lamenting that "All men suck" to believe that women are generally immune to the siren song of It's Everyone Else's Fault But Mine regardless of cultural influence But I agree it seems less prevalent — fe micro-cultures re-enforcing that attitude are at least far less visible than their counterparts And it does nothing to perpetuate larger cultural problems — despite what some fools believe ours is not a society with a misandry problem So I think your point stands Jay says March 4 2013 at 12:41 pm The problem is that this fantasy makes no sense because practically every is depicted as very handsome in the movies where the nerd boy ends up with the hot girl The rival has to be a cocky and good-looking for the fantasy to work Since being physically attractive is part of being that means that women are attracted to men based on looks under the theory Orv says March 5 2013 at 5:58 pm Gil says March 6 2013 at 7:02 pm Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:43 pm Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:09 pm But Mel you HAVE to go to pro wrestling with top 10% guys because evolution! Speaking as a shyer quieter Asperger guy THANK YOU! I'm dealing with the effects of derailed sociosexual development from low-level sexual abuse from girls at a formative age (chronological age 13 sexual developmental age 8) – and have found I'm having to coopt stuff from EVERYWHERE as all I got was a mix of toxic sex-negative feminism AIDS crisis ramping up and horrendous bullying from the macho set at school etc some of which was sexualised I had a massive traumatic eating cycle set up – which I'm dealing with the math of – and have sepnt YEARS working on unpacking all that lot Just a shame that the manosphere is so full of "ME ! ME STEAL YOUR WOMAN! YOU BETA LOSER YOU HERE TO PAY FOR ME!" idiots… the very idiots who caused the whole LIBOR thing and think of the sexual ecosystem as a game of Risk as opposed to trying to BUILD stuff together Gil says March 6 2013 at 11:33. If you want to get another one of my programs that will ensure you DO NOT get messed around by this girl and end up heartbroken I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy When you follow the advice in that program she will begin chasing you and will fall madly in LOVE with you Additionally while you might TOTALLY love her too the advice I provide in the program will ensure that you do not become needy or end up broken-hearted no matter what happens Personally speaking I have not had ONE girl want to break up with me since discovering what I teach in that program (it’s been 7 years since I’ve known what I teach in the program but I wanted to make sure it worked consistently for me and for the clients I’ve coached over the years before I released it on the site) Cheers Dan I feel sorry for guys like you who have a MILLION “ gurus” to choose from these days However to make it simple for you just check out what the guru’s success with women is like If he hasn’t hooked up with loads of women and doesn’t have a hot girlfriend then you shouldn’t be learning from him Guys like that are simply trying to copy guys like me and trying to make a quick buck off of you As for me I’ve been helping guys since 2005 (before the book The Game even came out) I’m in this to truly make a difference in this world Heck if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be replying to the 1,000s of comments on this site and helping guys. If you don’t want to be a lower-ranking then change You will become an when you get rid of your unnecessary social fears and anxieties by changing your thinking If you keep thinking like a lower-ranking you will keep experiencing the consequences Cheers Dan Javi Great article I always wondered why some average-looking guys got hot girls and the answer was staring me in the face: they. Dr_Nerdlove says March 6 2013 at 10:18 am You\’re trending very close to personal insults now Stop Argue the content all you like but once you start insulting posters I drop the banhammer Only warning Hi I read this and I realize that I have made the omega men’s mistakes it is very helpful to me knowing it and I want to give them my gratitude for it Dan Bacon Hi Guillermo You’re welcome mate I’m glad to be able to help you Cheers Dan Hi Dan Would you say that an ’s greatest trait to women is their confidence? I recently met an and even I was impressed and felt valued by the guy We hanged out in London for a night and he was just being a natural around women Seeing with my own eyes that the guy was not a bad boy confused me He later told me that it was all in his confidence the real key to a woman’s heart (and her underwear ha) I asked him how he’s so confident and why is it so hard for me and other guys to feel the same? He replied saying he just grew up with it I’ve had some random spurts of confidence that have given me guts to at least approach a girl or 2 but that confidence never lasts I believe I can get it and that without it no guy should even bother Dan what was your experience of this? How do you build confidence in this?. Hey Gerald Thanks for your comment and positive feedback Indeed you are one of the old world Your writing a poet’s musings or writer’s ramblings albeit with a few grammar and spelling errors. Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 6:33 pm Displaying characteristics is one of the quickest ways to make a woman feel sexually attracted to you Instead of putting lots of effort into trying to “get to know her” during a conversation or taking her out to expensive dinners you can make her want to have sex with you right away by triggering her natural attraction to traits 6 Being with a woman who wishes she could be. March 5 2013 at 10:44 pm Yeah… I have a much easier time being tolerant and patient with people who are showing at least a tiny bit of respect for what I have to say even if they disagree 😛 Once you start feeling like you're hitting your head against a brick wall it's usually safe to say nothing productive will come from expending further effort Ask Dr NerdLove: Why Do Women Ignore Him on Apps? · . Leeesq says March 5 2013 at 3:02 pm My name is Dan Bacon and I'm a and relationship expert I know the secret to attracting and picking up women for sex and relationships which has allowed me to enjoy my choice of women for many years Watch this free training and I will share the secret. Edit: Doing a mental exercise in which I am single: In my life tons of attractive men I know are also not available being married involved gay or otherwise just not a good fit personality-wise Am I going to bitterly complain that men are so unfair and shallow with such high standards that I haven't got a chance and they owe me? No Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 11:21 am Discipline people discipline …this is rape culture talking right here The belief that women don't actually want sex they just tolerate it in exchange for something of value Since they don't really want sex a man threatening to withhold sex won't change her To that point I reiterate if you are a man and the woman you're in a relationship with would be totally unphased at you withholding sex the most likely cause of that is YOU SUCK AT SEX You know what my answer was the last time someone threatened to withhold sex from me was? "Sure but that means you don't get sex either," and magically that threat evaporated because they wanted sex with me just as much as I wanted sex with them… amazing what happens when you recognize that women are people who have desires too and not just some strange different species with different rules Orv says March 6 2013 at 11:41 am A lower ranking will decide that he isn’t good enough so he will feel worried about being rejected laughed at humiliated overlooked or embarrassed in front of others This type of thinking naturally makes him feel nervous and anxious 3 Lacking the confidence to approach attractive women An knows that he deserves attractive women so he simply approaches and expects to. I would never enter a relationship where I felt like I was "settling." It wouldn't be fair to the other person it would–justifiably–make me feel like kind of a crappy person and it wouldn't make either of us happy in the long run And I would rather be single than be with someone who was "settling" for me I can't fathom the mindset of entering a into a committed relationship with the begrudging resignation of "guess you'll do." The problem is that the entire argument fails if any part of it does For every Ghengis Kahn there's a Cassanova The idea of the y chromosome losing material is pretty much immaterial in a world that still has enough genetic variation to produce regional phenotypes ("race" if you prefer) The idea that 20% of men have 80% of children in our culture is patently false In keeping with the argument though its worth noting that the extremely high status tend to have fewer children than the extremely low status So that kind of shoots down either the definition of or the hypothesis that s breed more Which is it? Are unemployed Irish Catholic guys innately more than Tom Cruise or is the definition something other than spreading genetic material? @sarahjesness says at 4:39 am Maybe they’ll get punched out by one of those dudes who actually is a man and not an “” John says at 11:51 pm Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 5:44 pm Please understand I'm trying to *explain* why some men have this perception; I'm not asserting that the perception is *correct* Also your information about romance novels is decades out of date The novels written in the '70s and early '80s were often rape-turned-to-love stories (like Luke and Laura on General Hospital) The novels of the past decade are generally not like that except usually when written by authors who started out 40 years ago and haven't changed up their. But sometimes Lee gets into The Bad Place We know this he admits it* And then he says shitty problematic things and I'm like "Damn it Lee why you gotta be makin me downvote you?!" But he's okay Just because I downvote someone doesn't mean I hate them *We have a lot of commenters like this If you really took the time and looked around here you'd see this I get downvoted too It's not a big deal And it's not about creating an echo-chamber or bullying or silencing anyone You'll notice that no matter how many downvotes you receive your comment is still there in all. Possiblly but I think more the blame can be placed on nerd culture or mass entertainmet in general Nerd culture is filled with stories of earnest and nerdy boys/men ending up with the hot girl/woman over the jock/high paid CEO I guess the equivalent for women are romance novels where the handsome rakish hearthrobe falls for the somewhat to very less exciting fe protagonist but the women in romance novels tend to be a lot more beautiful and stunning than their equivalents in nerd culture There is also a class element since its not unusual for a woman from an economic-privileged background to fall for a boy from the wrong side of the tracks all these tend to be more in the good girl/bad boy form of fantasy However the media is telling lots of men that you deserve a woman thats better than you in. As for the “ guru” who has a 10% success rate: Lol…why on Earth would you waste time learning from a guy like that? A 10% success rate means that he is just getting LUCKY sometimes What is my success rate? Pretty much every woman I approached (I am now in a committed relationship) liked me and was interested in being with me Was I interested in 100% of the woman I approached I had a chat with them? NO! Of course not! That would mean that I have low standards and would mean that I couldn’t have what we call “ power” (See: /products ) Gentleman Johnny says March 6 2013 at 1:31 am Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 7:49 pm Gil says March 5 2013 at 9:43 am * eyes roll * So humans share 98% DNA with chimps or bonobos depending on who's telling the story Since humanity has greater capacity for violence and war over orgies shows we're much closer to chimps Tsadimem Khet says July 4 2015 at 7:30 pm Boy are you one bass ackward moron!!! Did you honestly suggest that noncompliance with the perverse (subhhu)manmade "progressive" world is an indictment of. Thank you for that long and elaborated answer! I can’t even express how glad I am that you answered this one! But if a man is genuinely confident; is it certain then that a woman will always perceive him as confident? Or is it possible that a man can be genuinely confident but a woman still doesn’t perceive him as confident? In spite of him actually being genuinely confident In other words: Is it possible that a woman can mistake a genuinely confident man for being an unconfident man? Because if that’s the case then: If a genuinely confident man still meets women that rejects him; it’s due to those women mistaking him for being an unconfident guy? Example: A genuinely confident guy is walking down a crowded street and sees a lot of women walking towards him He tries to get eye-contact with some of them but most of them are just looking straight ahead and doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s there. Dr_Nerdlove says March 6 2013 at 11:31 am Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 11:01 am Ma at 5:59 pm "In-built" is a stretch but there's a case to be made that body image insecurity stems from an age before women start That's the the basis for the criticism of the utterly unrealistic proportions of Barbie dolls is. Choice B: Men take the time to find out whether or not their partner wants sex The answer is regularly no The men have no choice but to remain with a partner whose sex drive and preferences are far different from their own sentencing them to a lifetime of less sex and less satisfying sex than. I think he believes (or is acting like he believes) that women DON'T ever genuinely and enthusiastically welcome sex I think that's the core conceit of his whole argument here that because women don't ever want sex we have a model where they decide when they're reluctantly willing to let men do sex to them and this gives them the great and terrible power to tell men no This is where the "That bitch won't have sex with me?!? How dare she!" type of thinking comes from If women don't ever really want sex and only grudgingly let men do sex to them when the men have somehow "earned it" then any time a woman he (generic he) is trying to have sex with has sex with someone else instead she's ignoring his hard work to earn her sex and instead giving it to someone who "did less" to earn it (I feel gross just typing that) Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:20 pm ATG seriously skip out on this debate for a second and scroll down to the very last comment on this page Read the whole thing THEN try and tell me that women under 30 don't go for (not settle actively go for) average looking non-rich guys Dan you are spot on about the consequences of not being an Being an high-ranking has large implications beyond getting laid You get more respect from your peers People take you more seriously People always take your advice and are more likely to give your advice a go People naturally gravitate towards you You have a greater social circle with less effort You have a greater ability to pull women from the peripheries of your social circle with less resistance People seem to tolerate your faux pas much more than a beta You can say the same joke that a beta would and have everyone laugh at it simply because you are an If you are not an consider yourself pretty much settled upon In my opinion a girl will always wonder what its like to be with the guy who the guys want to be and the girls want to. Robert says March 6 2013 at 11:41 pm Making a comparison between biological aspects of humans bonobos and chimpanzees =/= making assumptions about human behaviour based on what bonobos and/or chimpanzees do It could be used as an indicator for why one can't make assumptions about human behaviour based on what bonobos and/or chimpanzees do Mel_ says Ma at 4:32 pm […] and reason out some psychological behaviours in a group / individual level (it also helps to read a lot and have a friend with an interest in psychology) Having said that it was an educational and […] To become an - do you have to be able to fight? Because if a guy can’t fight (like me) then he will most likely be afraid of aggressive confrontations with other aggressive s and thereby will be afraid of “sticking out”/be a leader/- because it makes him more of a potential target to other aggressive s And also by not being able to fight he’s not able to really protect his woman is he? All though I think women are sexually attracted to a guy’s mental protective abilities – like his strong mindset/belief in himself rather than that they’re attracted to a guy’s actual physical fighting-skills Is this theory correct? And also I wonder if you personally can fight physically Dan? (Since you feel unthreatened enough to actually dare to. I don't know there are societies in existence right now where sexuality is seen as much more collaborative and there hasn't been any rampant increase in rape in those societies (e.g my understanding is that many northern European countries have pretty liberal open views on sex women aren't shamed for being sexually active and yet the rape stats are actually less than in the US) I think you underestimate the ability of human beings to assimilate the messages about what's right and wrong given to them by society Consider what was considered "normal" and "natural" in society less than two hundred years ago (slavery outright ownership of women etc.) and how absurd those ideas seem now Back then I'd imagine there were a lot of people arguing that human beings couldn't handle living any other. *a woman will naturally and automatically feel attraction if a guy is confident masculine and socially intelligent (All of our advice here at The Modern Man improves those traits in a guy) Just like you will automatically feel attraction for certain traits in women (e.g breasts butt nice legs nice face etc) women automatically feel attraction for certain traits in men (e.g confidence masculinity social intelligence) So those idiots you’ve been learning from (who are NOT successful with women in their own life Check their personal life and see photos of their girlfriends 99% of “ gurus” are either single or pick up ugly women) are wrong because EVERY woman that you meet will feel SOME level of attraction for you IF you display the right traits However that doesn’t mean that you can pick up EVERY woman because some women are taken don’t want a BF or lover right. Patrick Wakefield says June 9 2014 at 4:28 pm Paul Rivers points out the obvious disjunct and inherent hypocrisy of feminist language (even more ironic due to the feminist obsession with the use of language): gets 18 down votes Equality No no to be fair I have pretty much outright called Evo-psych bullshit accused PUA of having a flatly incorrect foundation that leads to boneheaded goals and MRA of being where cry-babies go to tell each other its not their fault because that's easier than fixing their own flaws And if I hadn't before I have now If anyone wants to present evidence to the contrary however and do it in a well thought out and civil way I will back off of my soapbox and discuss it Sometimes it can be difficult for me to deal with reiterating what seems like the common sense obvious truth to me from years of personal observation Since that's usually the front line of PUS and MRA justifications I figured I could play their game for one article I do get it — better than I feel comfortable admitting to That feeling of being completely cut off from your own sexuality of constantly SEEING [what you are convinced is] what will satisfy you with ever being able to touch it even for a moment is corrosive and poisonous in a way that's hard to describe unless you've been there There's an unhappiness at play that goes bone-deep That they've latched onto an external cause for it is not surprising to me. Me I'm a beta I don't even mean that in the way of "all non-s" but in the proper way that I'm better as the vizier than the sultan the consiglieri than the don the wizard than the king I can do both but I'd usually rather have someone else leading the charge so I can focus on my own areas of expertise Its important to note this because this is textbook non- I don't want to be in charge to be the most visible to have to coordinate booking dates business deals and all that crap I farm that part of the job out by having a level in the chain of command. How is that possible? Because other “-gurus” like [Edited] claims that a man will never be able to sexually attract anything above 50% of the women he meets In other words: Every man has a success-rate under 50% regarding their ability to sexually attract a woman This is claimed to be due to people having internal biological “partner-preferences” So that if a man is of a different biological “type” than the biological “type” that the woman is – then he isn’t biologically able to be sexually attractive to that particular woman Could you please clarify what’s really going on here? How is it really? How can you say that a “genuinely confident man can attract almost any woman” while other -guru’s are saying the exact opposite? Even [Edited] said that he had a success-rate of only 10% regarding getting women into bed and having sex. As a final note one of the women posted somewhere else in this thread that it's common for her to hear complaints from her girlfriends that their partners aren't as "into it" as they used to be and I'd suggest that the most common cause of Option 2 is that the couple has stopped treating sex as something fun and exciting and it's become as mechanical as dinner… if that's the case then perhaps instead of approaching gaining enthusiastic consent as "So uhh… how about we fuck tonight?" the man should approach it by creating a romantic mood addressing other stresses that might impact his partner's level of desire and (to simplify it a bit) creating a situation where enthusiastic consent looks exciting (Because who wants to consent to "Bob will climb on top of me hump me for a few minutes get off roll over and go to sleep with a mumbled " 'sitgoodforyou?") Confidence the #1 trait that women look for in a guy Your confidence is what turns a woman on makes her feel safe and allows her to relax into the feminine role around you However a guy who lacks confidence makes a woman feel as though she has to look him pat him on the head and tell him that everything is okay Nothing is more of a turn off for women than that 5 Be Real at All Times True s don’t need to hide who they really are from anyone Out of fear lower-ranking s with keep switching from one social persona to the other to hopefully please everyone at all times A good guy simply believes in who is and presents his real self at. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:47 pm Trooper6 says March 5 2013 at 1:28 pm BiSian you cannot marry that comment! God made Adam and Eve not Adam and 010001010111011001100101! Why do you want to destroy the institution of marriage! Because marriage is the cornerstone of civilization! While we’re equidistant genetically speaking from chimpanzees and bonobos we bear far more in common with the hypersexual bonobos – in both and anatomy – than we do with chimps never mind gorillas Human and bonobo s have larger testicles than chimpanzees do while human and bonobo fes have vulva that are oriented towards the front; chimpanzee fes have rear-oriented vulva Chimpanzees mate exclusively in estrus strictly for the purpose of reproduction while humans and bonobos both have sex throughout the fe’s menstrual cycle and during lactation; in fact humans and bonobos are the only land mammals that have sex strictly for pleasure Even more telling is the difference in our brains Humans and bonobos have receptor sites in our brains for the hormone oxytocin which encourages social bonding and feelings of affection and is produced during orgasm Chimpanzees lack these receptors. A Third Guest says Ma at 7:33 pm It was implied We're among the least desirable guys because we have no social power and if there isn't something to make up for that then it's just not happening. Leeesq says March 5 2013 at 3:08 pm No even at its most conservative Western society was much more liberal than Muslim societies when it came to romance and sex Flirting mixed dancing and socializing between the genders was more common in the West than Muslim countries which tended towards homosocial Maybe but I'm doubtful However I'm also a pessimist and think that the best results come from expecting the worse and planning for that rather than thinking everything is going to work out in the end I don't think that most humans have the emotionally maturity to handle /sex as a collaborative effort and that men and women both like the /sex as conflict line of thought Some men like it because it takes the blame off of them for why the aren't getting anyway Some women like it because of the illusion of control and power it. A Third Guest says Ma at 4:37 pm Learning how to do it a matter of months Finding the best combinations may take more time but the basics can already go far Whereas for. Bisian says March 5 2013 at 10:53 am Well if my theoretical partner threatened to withhold sex from me to get his way I'd DTMFA his ass But then I don't date manipulative people If a good guy already has a girlfriend or wife some women will try to break up the relationship or marriage so she can be with him Personally speaking I still get contacted by some ex girlfriends even though I recently married my sexy 22 year old girlfriend when I turned 37 Do You Have to Be Born as An to Be One? No. Gil says March 6 2013 at 12:02 am So you're saying that I should have been grateful to get attention from the guy who started talking about marriage within five minutes of conversation (and who looked to be at least ten years older than me when I was 16) or the guy who insisted on lecturing me about what the Bible says about women's place in the world? Gosh what wonderful "options" I was missing out on! How cruel of me to expect anything better. Gil says March 4 2013 at 10:36 am Cat says March 4 2013 at 12:31 pm Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 6:32 pm What works – some conversation that doesn't look like its about to break up: "yeah I'll have a rum and coke and did you want anything?" If she reaches for her wallet no big deal If not pay for both This works because buying a drink for someone is not a big deal unless you make. If both partner's aren't getting what they want then they should probably split up I know that's a simplified argument and it assumes that these problems have come up early in a relationship and not in the course of a relationship that's been ongoing for years where there are children or a marriage or a lot of property involved I've made the decision to frame it that way since this is ostensibly a site for advice on how to find and start a relationship with much less of a focus on advice for long-term partners who have hit a. Correct me if I'm wrong because I'm not the end-all-be-all expert but sex positivity ideally is about removing the element of shame and social stigma that has sometimes accompanied sex in our culture particularly as it relates to the third wave feminist movement I totally agree with eselle's point that sex positivity elides asexuality and voluntary celibacy at times but sex positivity as a worldview makes no promises about people being able to have the sex life they want Anyone making promises like that is trying to sell you something Oh joy If I want to find a random guy who'll be happy to pound away at me until he comes probably providing me no physical enjoyment whatsoever and possibly causing me discomfort I can post an open call for one I'm just not sure why any woman would want that There's no much appeal in being able to get laid when getting laid doesn't usually result in pleasure for the woman unless the guy she's with actually *cares* about taking the time to listen to what works for her body and experiment not just getting off And shocking fact in order for a woman to make sure a guy is going to be considerate and caring during sex she has to get to know him not just pick any random guy off the street! Yeah but they are an extremely extremely small proportion of the population- like less 5% with guys especially under 30 the figure is closer to half- women dont have to really self-improve/work hard to get a date only know how to dress well and put on make up- as for the statement of "I know x girls who are deprived" the plural of anecdote is not data- there are hundreds of sites with catering to millions of men looking on how to get just a SINGLE DATE the converse cannot be said. Tosca says March 4 2013 at 2:24 pm Not to mention a woman lashing out that way at all men isn't exactly condoned in our culture She is not assumed deserving of any man she wants; if she doesn't have a man it's because she's too ugly. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 8:59 pm It has to do with being a man Not being a man vs being a woman but being a man vs being. Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 10:13 pm First guess: it means they need to work on. I think you're missing the whole point of the "Nice Guy" complaint The complaint isn't that the "Nice Guy" is performing beta the complaint is that he is treating sex/a relationship as a transaction where if he earns enough "Nice Guy" tokens (by doing things like buying drinks holding her purse etc) then eventually she will OWE HIM SEX The objection has nothing to do with the specific s and everything to do with the man treating her like she's a sex machine where once he's dumped in enough tokens she's required to provide him. Oh hell yeah As a former conservative Christian raised in Texas my sex drive was completely twisted out of recognition with suppression and denial and toxic social messages teaching me not to trust my own body and desires It's taken years and years to chip away at that conditioning and even though I'm much happier now I know those 20+ years of early training are going to irrevocably shape me no matter what I don't even want to know how much more twisted and warped the sex drives of the millions of women living in religious societies look like the ones who can't or won't escape You can't claim that women have naturally lower sex drives when so many women aren't within shouting distance of a "natural" sex drive high or low Who knows what those. Oh so Mel_ is short for Melissa McEwan? Oh darn I can't remember saying rape was good or that because a man wants sex more than a woman he has a right to force himself onto her That's why I agreed with Leesq about how woman control sexual conduct To have men control sexual conduct leads to rape cultures For women to have sexual power is for them having the right to say no and have it mean no Then again it's starting to become clear as to why you want to dominate men as your posts are starting to smell of misandry As if to say if you don't dominate the men in your life then they'll dominate you and that means raping you Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 2:02 pm Are you seriously trying to say that sex positivity making people who aren't having sex feel bad is a worse problem than sex negativity encouraging rape and sexual assault victim-blaming etc.? Otoh I sense a fair bit of projecting going on with guys like this The reason they accuse all women of holding out for that mythical 10% is because *they themselves* are holding out for none but the hottest 10% personality/compatibility/mental stability be damned They can do what they want no skin off my nose (but how's that workin' for ya buddy?) But don't be accusing all women of being shallow because you're projecting all your baggage onto everyone. Another guest says Ma at 8:23 pm Dude Therapy Get some Or else go hang out at an MRA blog they'll love you Seriously you're not helping yourself here You're just annoying everybody Funny to note that his complaints about people automatically downvoting any dissenting opinion I'm pretty sure Gil has taken that he found so offensive and gone a step farther by downvoting every comment by everyone who's ever disagreed with him even where the comments don't contain anything remotely argumentative Couldn't help noticing this while browsing the conversation because I can't think of any other reason why a comment that's simply someone correcting their own typo for example would have ended up with a negative vote Artimaeus says March 4 2013 at 9:59 pm Coulda fooled me Sfuckmore says March 9 2013 at 5:06 pm Why cant people accept humans are greedy selfish A-holes? The will get the girl over a beta 1st time coming to the site and when i started reading all i could think was a woman wrote this or a hater cos the BS in the article is so So… So… Weak! Doc u sound like a player hater! Enail says March 6 2013 at 11:19 am I imagine she assumes that patriarchy and rape culture exist whether or not you disagree. Marty Farley says March 4 2013 at 11:07 am Ah that makes complete sense I wonder how we as a society could start getting away from the idea that women somehow "control" sex/access. Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:05 am Only number 2 black ink or number 7 blue ink The pens aren't labeled what kind of ink they use and god help you if you use the wrong one you'll die a virgin The real world doesn’t work this way As has been demonstrated over and over again women are not some monolithic uniform entity or hive-mind; trying to force the world to fit in the /beta midset only means that you will be unable to actually relate empathize or even understand women and what they want or are attracted to Some women like macho take-charge men Others like soft-spoken intellectuals or floppy-haired mods or wiry musicians tattooed greasers chubby hairy teddy-bears or yes giant-ass nerds. So I should make myself larger stronger and more symmetrical? I've already got the leadership thing down without Dominance I admit Honestly that definition of doesn't sound like one that your aspiring PUA can do much about He can work out learn tricks for dominance but half of what you listed is (barring surgery) pretty unchangable Also please note that this definition is not in line with what makes an chimp so comparing humans (by your definition) and chimps (by the primatologist's definition) is false equivalency. March 4 2013 at 11:35 am Kaz says March 5 2013 at 7:29 am Speaking as an asexual who's had some pretty unpleasant experiences in various sex-positive spaces… The human penis is the only one to have evolved a barbed head and sexual intercourse takes much longer The purpose served here is to scrape out the semen from other men before depositing your own This wouldn't make sense in your "quite clear that humanity has been polygynous" claim Ainuvande says Mel_ says Ma at 8:47 am Hmmm apparently not taken care. Sam says March 4 2013 at 11:15 am When I look at the dynamics of human I see a pattern Violence that is exchanged between men in a non-symmetrical way Some men recieve more violence than others (by violence I mean the infliction of pain on somebody) Some men are more violent than others I am socially isolated now but when I look back at my years in school I clearly see that the men more violent/ less victim are more successful with women than the other way around "Life is not high school" this comment has been made I disagree in the sense that ones sexuality gets formed pretty early on and if it is configured in some way in highschool it will problably not change Of course anecdotes are not evidence But evidence is needed to objectivly verify/falsify the claim Unfortunatly you have neither presented evidence for both what I was hoping for so I only have my subjective experience I think it's hard for lots of people but it's particularly hard for her It's been many years since she's been out on a second date It's kind of sad because she's a genuinely sweet person but I couldn't honestly suggest her as a potential girlfriend to anyone I know. I'm wary of making too many assumptions about why people downvote My suspicion is that while some click the thumbs-down very judiciously others will do it for an opinion they simply disagree with I haven't seen any standard put forward on what the downvote is "supposed" to mean so I think "I disagree with you" and "I think you're being an asshat" are both perfectly valid interpretations I'd be curious to see what the total number of up- and down-votes are for any given post rather than just the final score But if you're REALLY trying to plumb the depths of the ratings system it does appear clueless ashattery is indeed the way. They are giving up options *they don't want* Maybe it's not hard for them to date guys they're not attracted to Why on earth would they want to date guys they're not attracted to? I bet there are unattractive women out there who never get asked out at all–why don't these desperate guys ask those women out? Oh wait because the guys want to date women they're attracted to too Why do you think that men should get to date the women they want to date but women should have to date whichever guys ask them out regardless of whether they find the company of those guys enjoyable or not? Why is it unfair for women to only go on dates where they think they'll have a good time and to say home if they think they'll enjoy staying home or hanging out with friends more? Do guys regularly go on dates where they think they won't have a. I didn't find a single feminist website shaming men for being honestly kind despite going through several pages of google results Which lines up with what I've heard in the past from feminists So please don't make assumptions about an entire movement based on what a few obvious exceptions have said Gentleman Johnny says March 6 2013 at 11:50 am If there was a magic way to send messages to yourself in the past I would totally give fifteen-year-old self time-traveling broadband a laptop and this URL Of course fifteen-year-old me would have ignored this site in favor of all the porn Fifteen-year-old me was pretty damn stupid Mel_ says Ma at 4:12 pm I would imagine there are about as many men who have sex with their wife every night as there are men who have sex with a different women every single night 🙂 Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 4:33 pm It's because we want to keep our bodies in as pristine of condition as possible so that when we meet the most of s he'll think we totally meet his HB10 standards and we'll have access to the best possible sperm for our condom sabotaging operation Mel_ says Ma at 5:46 pm Have you read "The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth," by Alexandra Robbins? It's not about per se but the "" factor comes up with respect to social groups conformity and non-conformity It also looks at how various people do in "real life" high school and how (or whether) their high school social experiences affected them in the. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 10:05 pm Did you miss the part where eselle pointed out that there are plenty of women in various areas other than politics who screwed up their relationships and/or careers due to sex? If women aren't interested in sex why do many of them risk their relationships and careers to have it just like. Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 9:32 am Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 8:01 pm It will get you more sex with emotionally vulnerable and/or damaged women If that's your goal you're not playing an asshole you ARE an asshole Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 3:55 pm I think it's helpful to look at people's actions as well as their words and that it can be particularly useful in the case of specific individuals (a person who says kind things to you but avoids you a partner who's good at sweet talking but who's inattentive and doesn't keep promises) Guest says Ma at 3:33 pm There's a big difference between a woman saying "no" to continuing to make out/whatever on one date and her saying "I never want to get physical with you" or "I don't want to date you" full stop In the former case it's generally understood that there's a "right now" in that sentence and she will quite possibly be up for making out/whatever again if you get together another time or even later on that occasion And when that next time comes you judge whether she's into it by both her body language and what she's saying then In the latter case it doesn't matter what her body language says you *listen* and you don't try again unless she says with her *words* that she's changed. Remember: Dr NerdLove is not really a doctor [Read More …] March 5 2013 at 7:21 pm Yes I find it so strange how many MRAs seem to complain about how hard it is for men to be judged harshly for expressing vulnerability to be valued more for confidence and physical strength and financial success than for other successes or positive traits even to be the ones who make up the majority of the police and army- and yet they never seem to come to the solution of breaking down gender roles so that masculinity isn't so restrictive; nor do they fight against the sexism in the police force and military which keeps many women from taking those careers alongside them I don't. Hate to break the news but I read the odd P.U.A site and it's actually rather similar and give more helpful advice People here undoubtedly don't visit said sites or quickly skim through them until they read something they don't like then use that to prove such sites are horrid Gentleman Horndog says If you look at birth and baptism records and compare it to the date of their parents' marriage a lot of children were born less than nine months their parents marriage This wasn't even limited to the lower classes Winston Churchill was born seven or eight months his parents' marriage The only group that seemed to follow the no sex before marriage requirement for both genders were. Mel_ says Ma at 5:08 pm Did you even read what. Cat says March 5 2013 at 2:07 am Seems many of them have trouble spotting the difference between acting and being a real total asshole Cause they're "genuinely nice guys" on OKCupid right? Makes it. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 11:31 am Men are not in "perma-consent" mode Every guy I've dated has had times when he doesn't want to have sex And funnily enough I know this because sometimes I the woman was the one asking! There needs to be a distinction between being manly and being macho//whatever I won't deny that I love a virile man who will take control and dominate me in the bedroom…… but only in the bedroom! Guys who try to act macho are essentially affecting masculinity a caricature of manly power Whereas I prefer when a guy simply IS masculine He is comfortable enough in his skin that he can sexually exert his strength yet at the same time he doesn't find it shameful to be sensitive or emotional or tender or compassionate Tosca says March 4 2013 at 2:37 pm Most just insinuate it; beat around the bush But that one guy outright said it! "Why should I X if it won't result in SEX NOWWW." I think the X was "engage in pleasant conversation" or something mild. @superegoidego says Ma at 11:17 pm If s are so toxic why was virility chief among the values of the Roman Empire history's greatest civilization? All of our advice here at The Modern Man links back to the fundamentals of what we teach However we have specific programs that go into specific details in specific areas because many guys want to learn more about those areas For instance the topic of conversation is covered in detail in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation but every one of our programs includes some conversation examples (different examples) Cheers Dan Mark Very interesting article. Yeah we're obviously just a lot of hating haters who hate refusing to give him cookies for at least acknowledging that rape is bad and women are somewhat less than evil It really isn't fair of us to expect consistency reasoning or even sense from other people's arguments I think it must be the bonobos' fault Or perhaps the chimpanzees' It's in our genes–we can't help ourselves Oh well I guess we'll just have to continue on. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 2:02 pm I hear where you're coming from man But I would wager that your chances of attaining the sex life you want and finding peace with the sex life you actually have are both far greater in a sex-positive environment than a sex-negative one Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 11:36 am Tosca says Ma at 5:18 pm +1 We're not saying all women have it sooooo much haaaaarder than all men We're merely saying that all women don't have it "easy" There's a BIG difference Guys like the ones you are referring to are largely (not completely) responsible for the high rate The guys you know of that are wimpy and have a woman will either get dumped cheated on or d Or they will be in an unhappy relationship where the woman doesn’t respect them Cheers Dan Knut Thank you clarifying that Dan I also have another question: In some article you wrote something very similar to this with the same meaning: “When you are a genuinely confident man you can get almost. March 6 2013 at 11:41 am Oh dear lord Okay you get one more response–not so much for your benefit since you're obviously not reading what I'm actually writing but to clarify for any lurkers following the discussion Gil I didn't hate on you I pointed out that what you were arguing against was not anything the article or any other of the articles here have said No one is saying or has ever said here that being "good of heart" is enough to make someone want to date you One more time since you missed it before: No one is saying or has ever said here that being "good of heart" is enough to make someone want to date you Did you hear it that time? I'm not sure who these "losers" are that you are arguing with but perhaps you should go find them rather than continuing to have this imaginary argument with no one who exists here But I *really* don't see a difference in MRA wording and argument tactics and feminist wording and argument tactics – they look exactly the same to me Personally it seems to me that they just copied the feminist tactics (which to be fair are probably much older than feminism – you seem the same language and arguing tactics used in politics as well) and one notices a lot more when the same tactics are used on things one disagrees with Jevinr says Febru at 6:20 am Guest says Ma at 7:52 pm Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:17 pm A special emphasis is placed on avoiding any that could be seen as “supplicating” to women To supplicate to a woman – such as by buying a woman a drink at a bar for example or being willing to hold her purse or drink – is seen as the greatest indicator of beta status; it means that the man is showing that he’s willing to sacrifice his value (which apparently is incredibly fragile) in order to appease the woman in hopes of getting sexual favors from her There seems to be a very slippery slope amongst these beliefs between say buying a drink or paying for dinner and becoming a spineless sexless blob of neediness that no woman would touch with a ten-foot pole. It's funny because I'd be willing to bet that on average parents with teenagers are having sex more than say parents of younger children The little kids need a lot more attention and wear you out plus they're always around Teens are pretty independent and can be counted on to give you some privacy! 😉. If all of my makeout partner's physical cues are screaming "GREEN LIGHT! GO GO GO!" but she tells me "No," I NEED TO STOP WHAT I'M DOING FUCKING IMMEDIATELY She's not lying to me; she's conflicted And until/unless she sorts that out sexytimes are damn well DONE Or hell maybe she IS lying Doesn't matter We're done (for now at the very least) either way Yes when her words and her actions are in conflict there may be some room for investigation May be But flat-out IGNORING what she says?. Gil says Ma at 12:31 pm You inferred people over the age of 35 lose interest in sex and your re-quoting of me shows I never stated that This actually reminds me I can't remember what study it was from but it basically said that in fact the 'betas' lead much less stressful lives simply from not having the constant stress of having to guard their territory and maintain their 'ness' Not sure if it was monkeys or dogs that it was referring to but it does. Orv says March 5 2013 at 3:43 pm /Weep But it can be such an enjoyable process! (I mean the carrying and delivering of the future high status s is probably not as enjoyable but damn it the making of them should. March 4 2013 at 10:04 am ….I'm not sure what you're disagreeing with I'm simply stating that it's uncool to make assumptions about women who work as strippers and that it's uncool to make assumptions about women with emotional issues when those women can and do speak for themselves Obviously people shouldn't prey on people who struggle with emotional and mental health Sex isn't something that should be controlled by one gender or another It's an act that requires two participants and that both participants will enjoy if things go reasonably well So it should be a mutual act that people decide to do together like most acts that people do together in our current society. Now you're stereotyping guys too? Where do you think guys meet women? Women don't just hang around in bars 40 hours a week waiting to be approached by Bradd Pitt If people want to meet people regardless of gender they have to go where people are If they go to activities that interest them they're going to meet people who share their interests Mel_ says Ma at 11:19 am A Third Guest says Ma at 9:19 pm If I was born rich or with supermodel looks that would be happening Dr_Nerdlove says March 6 2013 at 7:15 pm Hey ya'll remember last week when you asked me what the definition of “irony” was…? In those days women were still considered to be the gatekeepers of sex Men had a stake in their wives' chastity and their daughters' virginity but women were still expected to stay with their chaperones and keep on guard against men who wanted more than whatever was considered moral premarital contact That's why the victim's past sexual and the way she dressed were considered relevant factors If she didn't do a good enough job of fending off other men or went so far as to welcome their advances her claim that she didn't want to have sex with that particular man wasn't worth much Beyond that men also have a right to say no to sex and to sexual advances A collaborative model recognizes it One that suggests that men make all the advances and women are the gatekeepers who decide whether or not to accept them doesn't even recognize that a man could end up in that position Tosca says Ma at 7:26 pm I won't disagree with you here! It goes a long. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:46 pm Its notable that I smoke and my current girlfriend has a hard and fast rule about not smokers This isn't "settling" Its how relationships work No one is 100% perfect You can't expect your partner to change for you You have to communicate and compromise What are your opinion about the situation I described? In other words what I’m asking is this: How many of those women that are walking towards me down the crowded street should want to have my attention/have eye-contact with me in order for me to know that I’m a true -/a genuinely confident guy? Is it like most of them would try to get my attention while I walk down the street or not? What is the I should expect from women in those kinds of situations if I were a genuinely confident man? In other words: How can I know when I’m truly at the successful level of a true - (regarding his ability to sexually attract women)? I’m sorry for asking this long question but it’s driving me crazy to not know WHEN I can start to define myself as an sexually attractive man. They're both copying the expressions and language that feminism – and advice aimed towards women – has been using for decades – "men" are like this "men" are like that "men" like this you should act this way towards "men" to attract them etc etc etc I would also say that it's innacurate wording that makes it more difficult to have an accurate view of things What it usually means is "a lot of group xzy" like "a lot of men like women who smile" or "a lot of women find that guy who's in charge and who everyone likes attractive" Eselle28 says March 9 2013 at 6:48 pm Unfortunately that argument doesn't gain much traction with the guys who actually think this kind of approach is okay because they really don't care about being non-toxic human beings they just care about getting what they want (I have seen guys in the comments on past posts say things like "What's in it for me to be a decent human being if it doesn't get me laid?" 😛 ) …and no – you don’t have to be a bad boy to be a confident We teach guys how to be good guy s Being a bad boy involves being insecure insincere mean violent selfish etc None of that is necessary for success with women and will only cause you problems in life Our advice is based on being a strong man but a GOOD man Cheers Dan (Worth noting: this narrative also doesn’t account for homosexuality Yes there will be the inevitable quipster who says something about the stereotypical promiscuity of gay s but gay men aren’t instinctively trying to spread their genes to as many fes as possible Similarly lesbians aren’t seeking out s for their genetic superiority If neither side is attempting to reproduce how does one fit them into the model? Is the more dominant partner presumed to be the masculine role and the submissive one the feminine? What if the dominant man is also a bottom sexually? What if they’re switches?) So how does this tie into the worship of being “”? Stick with me for a second The Myth of s And Betas I’ve touched on the idea of and beta before but let’s explore. Wards the guy told us he was actually at a gym where he saw a dude saying that to the guy he was working with and thought it was hilarious We all agreed with him " as fuck" is now a class in-joke I wonder how that guy would react to knowing that a whole class full of improv geeks and fe think he's a laughingstock I'm fairly sure that's NOT. How could we possibly create a society where every single person who wants sex is able to get it? Even if prostitution is legalized (which I think is part of the sex positive movement at least for some of its proponents) there will be people who can't afford to pay for it It's very nice to dream about a society where everyone gets everything they want but that's so unrealistic it doesn't really make sense to complain that no one's been able to make it happen A Third Guest says Ma at 6:37 pm This falls under the "years of cultivating a skill that's attractive at face value." Women certainly don't need to put this kind of work in they just have to sit back and choose Fakely mctest says March 4 2013 at 3:07 pm That's…not actually what "sex positive" means? Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:12 pm Well I would imagine that most of the "hot" women with average-looking husbands *do* find their husbands attractive and don't feel they're them despite their looks For one thing everyone has different tastes and a guy you might think it's that appealing might be very attractive to someone else And also having an attractive and charismatic personality can make a person look more physically attractive to someone who knows. Thank you! Windward says Eselle28 says Ma at 10:46 pm For starters laying golden eggs sounds sort of painful Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 1:38 pm A sex positive culture doesn't guarantee that everyone's sexual needs will be met When it comes to interpersonal needs I'm not sure that there's any system that can guarantee that everyone's needs are met But I think it's healthier to adopt an ethos that it's normal to have sexual desires that people's libidos and tastes vary and that these things aren't shameful At the very least people who are struggling with sexual frustration have their needs affirmed and are encouraged to find solutions to them rather than being pressed into continuing sexless marriages or into accepting that they'll always be the spinster aunt or the confirmed bachelor Oh I won't deny that body image insecurity starts young But I'm not just talking about body image Teen girl and women's magazines are full of tips on how to flirt how to make best use of eye contact how to smile best how to start a conversation with a guy etc al tactics for catching guys' attention I find it hard to believe that there would be much market for articles like that if most women were bombarded with regular attention (positive attention–not catcalls or aggressively forced conversations which as previously discussed aren't putting the woman in a position to get a date anyway) Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:29 pm Tosca says Ma at 5:55 pm So your argument is: XY and Z are the ONLY criteria women care about! If you don't have XY or Z you are shit outta luck! It's allll about the XYZ! …except when it isn't! I'm sorry that you are bothered by hearing people's sex stories but you are capable of removing yourself from those situations No one I know shares sex stories in a social context; there are tons of people out there who are more discrete about these things especially if they know there are people in the group who can't join in on that topic You can also ask your friends not to tell you about that stuff because it makes you uncomfortable and if they're good friends they'll comply And you really need to own your emotions I feel envious when I hear people talking about career stuff I haven't been able to achieve myself despite decades of effort Sometimes it makes me outright miserable But I don't blame society for encouraging people to be proud of success or the people around me for wanting to talk about what's going on in their lives I recognize that the envy is mine to deal with as best. Gil says March 5 2013 at 9:48 pm No it shows that women are less sexual as they traditionally had the most to lose by having sex She risks pregnancy death in childbirth ostracism from. Hating with strawman arguments/insults now? It's currently akin to speaking a different view from the party line in an actual meeting of people and getting continuously booed until you sit down and STFU Poor Leesq also somewhat disagreed and also got a torrent of down votes It would probably beneficial for DNL to disable comments and just have a thumbs vote for the articles themselves Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:07 am Um… You are aware that the United States is currently a patriarchal society by all definitions of the term yeah? And none of those definitions includes "rape is legal" You're right in that's part of how the feeling I'm describing easily LEADS to misogyny but the pain itself is much more basic and primal than that We're social and sexual creatures When you're cut off from that — not voluntarily setting it aside but simply unable to reach it — it's like a chunk of yourself is missing and it stings like a sonuvabitch (At least that's how it felt with me I'm basing this off personal experience and Anecdotes Aren't Data grains of salt YMMV etc.) The knowledge that it really IS your own fault that potential partners actually are generally speaking well-advised to steer clear of you until you get some of your own shit sorted out is not comforting Quite the opposite So somewhere towards the middle of October I've been kind of working on the 'How To Be Interesting" and "Cinfidence is Sexy" stuff Not trying to get dates or anything just letting myself be myself without worrying about all the reasons I wasn't cool enough to be me at this moment Its a process that used to come much easier to me but I'm getting it back The princess has a birthday party at the local bar We're all milling about doing our thing when the dancer casually mentions within earshot "oh I broke up with him." That's when the point about making up excuses not to date came crashing back on me Here was this attractive smart funny girl who liked costuming anime and video games Sure she was too young I didn't have a job etc but in the time since we had dated before she had matured considerably Eselle28 says Ma at 10:14 pm They also frequently advocate sexual assault in the name of surprise You obviously don't understand how science works Physical arousal is biological The fact that women get just as physically aroused by sexual stimuli shows that *biologically* they are just as sexually inclined as men The fact that they are less likely to identify the fact that they're aroused is *psychological* In other words something that can be socialized For example when you live in a society that makes women's active sexuality out to be something bad and shameful women repress that side of themselves It's not something inherent about women; if our society changed that would change too In cold approach situations (please pardon the PUA jargon but it's sometimes descriptive) and granting that they're a somewhat narrow case and not optimal for everyone men are deciding whom to approach based on what exactly? Appearance alone because the men in those circumstances literally *don't know anything else* about these women When a woman is approached she initially knows nothing more about the guy than his appearance Depending on her mood personal tastes personal history sexual preference etc she may reject the guy immediately or she may withhold judgment in which case his personality comes into play Personality can sometimes make up for deficits in appearance It's of greater use to men than to women though since it's not obvious at first glance Hence in this context it's less important that women be interesting than that men be interesting Gil says March 6 2013 at 4:22 am I did – a few comments up 😐 Um no The article talks about prehistoric human beings not being particularly concerned about paternity–nowhere does it say they had sex in a free for all And the part about bonobos is to *disprove* the idea that humans must have an /beta structure because of our primate ancestors–he doesn't say that therefore we naturally act *exactly* like bonobos only that you can't claim that all primates naturally act the. In today’s world there can be several s in a group situation because we are no longer confined to one tribe If you are in a group situation and other s are present it’s not about competing with them and trying to show that you’re the “top dog.” Just be one of the s You don’t have to fight for dominance in every group that you’re a part of or in every environment you spend time in (e.g at work among friends eating a restaurant) To gain the modern benefits of being an (i.e women want you men respect you your boss promotes you or your staff respect you if you are a business owner) you simply have to display traits (e.g confidence assertiveness leadership drive fearlessness etc). It's easy to sit there and go "The whole system is set up to keep me from getting what I want," it's hard to follow that up with "so I'm going to hustle my ass off until I show that system what I think of it's attempts to keep me from having a life worth living." LeeEsq says While some MRAs are hateful jerks I think there are others that are just really hung up on this concept that everything about child-creation and birthing should be FAIR which it just isn't and can't be and will most likely never be because: biology. Actually (furthering your point not disagreeing with you) I think DNL makes a pretty good case that it might very well be worse to get to have some sex through rather than to be getting no sex at all As he points out doesn't just hurt your chances at connecting with women in an emotionally healthy way in order to date them it also poisons your relationships with *all* the women around you (people you might have to say work with or socialize with in friendly or family settings and so on) and often with the men around you too (because you're more focused on being dominant over others) If all a guy wants out of life is the physical act of sex then I suppose it doesn't make much difference but presumably most men would also like to have fulfilling work social and/or family. Anyway a successful strategy for what? This is a blog not a "how to spread your genes as widely as possible" blog or even a "how to have as much of any type of sex as you can possibly get" blog We're talking about the best strategy for having healthy relationships with people which generally include things beyond sex And no one has said that being saccharine is a great strategy either so I'm not sure who you're arguing. Paul Rivers says March 6 2013 at 1:32 pm "When this gets translated onto human mating patterns (humans all are just hairless apes) the idea is that women are naturally attracted to s – dominant powerful high-status men – while disdaining the weaker less dominant betas Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 2:23 pm "Teen girl and women's magazines are full of tips on how to flirt how to make best use of eye contact how to smile best how to start a conversation with a guy etc al tactics for catching guys' attention." Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 11:08 am Since when do attractive secure socially adjusted men learn intensively how to pick up women? By the same token gorgeous drop dead women don't have to do much if they want to snag an average guy It turns out that some men are better at getting dates and some women are too When women say "dregs of manhood" they're more likely to be talking about your (specific you Gil) attitude than someone who is confident honest and treats them with respect not obsequiousness not clinging neediness RESPECT the thing one human shows to another as a sign that they are wait for it wait for it e-fucking-nough that they don't need to degrade others to feel good about themselves Losers appealing to "only guys get hot chicks" just make it easier. How do you know that your theory is correct and mine is wrong? You can't make huge claims without any proof to back them up and expect people to believe you just because Frankly from an evolutionary perspective it doesn't make any sense at all for women not to want to risk pregnancy and childbirth since there's no possible way she can pass on her genes without doing those things And I'm not aware of any early "tribes" that ostracized women for having sex That's a much more modern way of doing things DNL even cites a book in his article that discusses how early people were much more accepting of women having multiple sex partners But hey I guess it's much easier just ignore facts and make up whatever theories. Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 7:36 pm Ma at 7:19 pm Pretty much this An introvert girl can always ride the coattails of a loud guy and things will be just fine Introvert guy? Shit out. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:07 pm Yeah as a guy you fail at understanding what women go for I'll leave the women to explain why Translation: read up on the misandric links (yes I read them) While I'm at an African-American is going to post links as to how Whitey is keeping the brothas and sistas down Rather you're viewing the world though a hate-filled feminist lens Why you think everything you believe is perfectly correct is beyond me Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 3:13 pm Really? In your experience you had no choice but to stay with someone? Who was forcing you to stay rather than leaving and finding someone who's sex drive was more aligned with. "- women dont have to really self-improve/work hard to get a date only know how to dress well and put on make up- " But no fat chicks amirite? Thereal. That's an excellent point there I've been lucky enough to have lived a life where I made lots of mistakes to learn from and some of the Doc's advice touches on things I got to learn the hard way but that doesn't mean I should sit here and talk like it is obvious to everyone Gentleman Horndog says The problem with the various evo-explanations is that they assume that evolution stopped the day before humans discovered agriculture They assume that an evolutionary pressure is an absolute deterministic or close enough to it as makes no difference Both of these are also obviously untrue Rather than rehash all of this I'll just point you to an interesting article that covers it: .com/2013/03/10/paleofantasy_ston… Short form – humans have continued to evolve and while higher thought may be influenced by evolutionary pressures it is not entirely controlled. Marty Farley says March 5 2013 at 9:32 am Dr NL supposedly is releasing some sort of "secret" about "getting the women of your dreams" (which is impossible when taken literally) to them geeky nerdy loser guys And the secret is not exactly forthcoming On the other hand P.U.A and "game" sites are saying the same thing – discussing how women work so loser types might you know have some sort of shot The closest Dr NL has come up is to be funny * yawn * Then a lot of commenters are seemingly stating what everyone suspiciously already suspected – men pair up with women who are at the same sort of level they are dorky guys with dorky gals outgoing guys with outgoing. That was entirely sarcasm There certainly are men who are attracted to women in positions of power and statements like this where you flat out deny relatively common occurrences only serve to undermine your credibility across the board. No kidding Why would anyone want to date a greedy selfish asshole? Even if someone is mostly looking for casual sex why would anyone want to sleep with a greedy selfish asshole? That's not a personality type that's known for being considerate in bed and there are a lot of ways that a greedy selfish person who has access to your home and your body can make life pretty unpleasant Tosca says Ma at 5:12 pm " I can't think of anyone who expects her mate to have a cool car." A junior in high school who hasn't gotten her driver's license yet perhaps? 😉 The life of an is usually easier and less stressful than the life of a lower ranking (e.g beta omega ) Women want him guys respect him and he goes what he wants with confidence determination and an expectation that he will succeed Generally speaking most people accept that he will get the hottest women get promoted at work and achieve whatever he puts his mind to Women open themselves up to him guys follow his lead and the world generally gets out of his way as he heads towards the goals that he wants to achieve If anything gets in his way he just climbs over it or works a way around it and then continues onto victory You don’t have to be an if you’d prefer to be a lower ranking but if you’re not you will definitely experience some negative consequences throughout. You're saying "it doesn't automatically work in the reverse," except that it does As for your second point that's because we acknowledge that different men find different things attractive Someone might say to a woman "If you want to be more attractive to men who find powerful women attractive then you need to come across money or some other form of status that would give you 'power.'" Or "If you want to be more attractive to nerds it helps to be able to relate to their interests." On top of that I have known a few women who thoroughly enjoy being the partner who makes more money has more social status etc Astonishingly enough they weren't /married to some sort of wimpy spineless sort they were with calm self-confident guys who weren't intimidated by and didn't feel lessened by their partner being one with the money and status Enail says Ma at 4:06 pm Why on earth couldn't one be neither '' nor saccharine? There's a whole range of decent human being-ness between being a huge jerk and being ridiculously schmoopy Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 2:41 pm And as this article said concepts of sexuality A guy using "evolutionary psychology" to justify his belief that men want lots of sex with lots of women while ladies just want strong babies and monetary support Again that's looking at it through the Western society Plenty of societies have different gender roles and different concepts of family and parenthood This article brought up hunter-gatherer societies In such societies there's a lot more emphasis on taking care of everyone so paternity isn't going to be as big of an issue If we were genetically geared toward a certain it would appear in ALL human societies If you want to argue that deviations exist okay what makes you so sure that the Western model is the default and all the other societies are the deviations? There are few human universals Wait…how do you square the "marriage is what creates civilization" crowd with the "evo psych says men are like chimps" (who don't pair bond)? BiSian says Gil says Ma at 12:29 pm Indeed DNL Mel_ and friends should raise a lot of noise and demand Barbie be made to the average woman's physique as well as have professional aspirations Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 6:46 pm Orv already covered the real complaint about "Nice Guys" but I know you've talked in the past about women literally complaining about guys being nice I can believe that there are women who do this I can believe there are women who identify themselves as feminists who do this But I don't see the slightest for claiming this is a general feminist attitude I went looking to see what the major feminist websites and blogs *do* say about and there actually isn't a great deal because well they're kind of busy with more pressing matters like problematic government policies and fair employment and sexual violence so on But what I did find is the exact opposite of what you suggest: Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 10:18 pm Or do you and the guys you know focus on the women you find most attractive because you don't have the time and energy to focus on every single woman who might be okay to date? And if it's the latter then what do you think all the other guys in the world are doing? Probably also focusing on the women they find most attractive So how exactly are the not-quite-so-attractive women supposed to know they have all these "options" if the guys are busy pursuing other women? Are they supposed to be mind-readers? Are they supposed to throw themselves at every guy who walks by to check? What's so wrong about them focusing their attention on the guys *they* find most attractive when that's what the guys. I think it was a couple of months before we were officially exclusive but were sexually exclusive pretty much from day hasn't been all solid all good Its been work really communicating During that time I did such horrible non- things as not making fun of things she was insecure about actively asking for her opinion buying her inexpensive but meaningful gifts and generally showing her the sort of respect that human beings do for one another Not being clingy just being good romantic friends The Doc provided several columns during that time that helped me with my resolution to take this relationship differently from my previous ones This is the stuff I don't consider amazing I consider it baseline for a good relationship about a year I had to relocate in December Right now we still see each other once a month with plans to move in together once things stabilize Ma at 4:51 pm Because then it's not hard for women they're just making it hard for themselves and giving up options that guys in the same position don't get and very much want all so they can pull something better That's not telling the honest truth about what they want Its the honest truth about what they get That's exactly why guys who aren't assholes can not only get women but keep them The population of shy guys and assholes leaves the ones in between looking like a rare exception sice they're willing to be honest about what they want without being dicks But hey if its animal rutting you want then go for it animal Edit: And sure if media keeps spinning the narrative that "he's not really a jerk You have to get him past that with the power of your love!" Women are going to keep believing it If you want to be part of that cycle of disappointment go for it animal I agree wholeheartedly Unless you've got absolutist nonsense like "Never listen to what women say – observe what they do" rattling around in your head The fact that the second half of that sentence is perfectly reasonable does not absolve the first half from being appalling advice even in context — and within the scenario I gave a path to sexual assault Tosca says Ma at 5:50 pm Depends on what you mean by "successful strategy" If you mean for having sex with lots of people history doesn't show anything The sample of people who make it into history books is too small to be statistically signifcant for any given culture or time Its also skewed to the types of people with traits that encourage them to make history: things like clinically insane degrees of ambition For every Ghengis Kahn there's a Benjamin Franklin You could argue that any that doesn't make the history books is the successful one Its so common and so successful that its not worth writing about because no one is surprised Its why plane crashes make the news and car crashes don't That doesn't means planes are more dangerous Do you also find strippers sexy when they dance naked on on stage and bend over to show you their pussy? Of course you do Why? You are attracted to things about women that you cannot control Even though the stripper or pornstar may not be a nice intelligent woman that you could introduce to your parents you can help yourself from feeling attracted to her The same applies to women When they meet a guy who displays characteristics they can’t stop themselves from feel an intense natural attraction for him even if he isn’t the nicest guy in the world So when you see a woman with a “bad boy” or a “jerk” just understand that she is simply giving in to her feelings of attraction Hey Joshua Thanks for your question This part of your comment said it all to me “I asked her to come see her.” You don’t ask women if you can come and see them – it’s not her who is in charge of the relationship YOU are the man not her I never had to go see any women – they always came to me (I’m in a committed relationship now) because I was in charge Read: //relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a- If you want to stop being so insecure learn from me I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy: /in/2cf8a89 Cheers Dan I want to quickly make it clear that I actually feel very strongly about the sorts of screwed up rules and expectations that society has for young (and not so young) men and I would love to see changes that break down the worst parts of those rules and expectations… but I am extremely uncomfortable associating myself with virtually all MRA-types because I don't think "I had consensual sex my partner got pregnant and now I have to pay child-support It's so unfair she could have gotten an abortion if she didn't want the baby no one gave me a choice," counts as an injustice facing. I'm just going to ask you for a citation about this quota business and leave it at that. Theoretically yes but given my pessimism I do not think that a sex positive society is going to develop a happy attitude towards asexuals or the involutary celibate The theoreticians might but normal people have a tendency not to follow the ideals of any religion or ideology perfectly I imagine that in a sex positive society lack of sex would simply be another reason to bully people and inflict misery on them just like we do with kinky sex tastes these days Sex positive people like all other ideologues before them think that everything is going to come out perfectly or close enough I'd be happier if things would be made in terms of least worst rather than. No more that men have higher libidos with women and that withholding sex from a man is a tool for a woman not really for a man How you project this to say men are free to become rapists is beyond me all I've since said patriarchal societies are rape societies because they forbid a women to refuse sex (for her to have a personal choice to forbid her to freely consent) in that the men won't be punished if they rape her (if anything she gets punished) Well you've taken "never listen to what women say" out of context It actually is like this – "Never listen to what women say – observe what they do." Meaning actions speak louder than words – certainly true in case of most shy women who are not typically very straightforward when expressing their feelings Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:03 pm Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:28 pm Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 8:38 pm One of my favorite books is Jack Holland's Misogyny .com/Brief-History-Misogyny-Prej… It's a set of essays on the development and nature of misogyny It's not overly theoretically and I often recommend it I'll just post the link here now before the deluge of grossness arrives Because during the Neolithic period small bands of humans only occasionally encountered outsiders so women had an incentive to keep themselves fertile for those rare encounters something something hypergamy something something beta s something something a study of 80 college students says so Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 5:20 pm Would you mind sharing how exactly you've come to these conclusions? How many women have you talked to to find out what their expectations of a guy are? Because a whole lot of women here are saying they *don't* have those expectations; surely our word counts for something? Jay says March 4 2013 at 12:50 pm Or do you and the guys you know focus on the women you find most attractive because you don't have the time and energy to focus on every single woman who might be okay to date?" The attractive woman who's with a guy? Sure I consider her attractive enough to date but absent clear evidence to the contrary I'm going to assume they're a couple and I won't ask her out The attractive woman who's by herself but wearing a ring? Sure I consider her attractive enough to date but it looks like she already has someone and I won't ask her out The attractive woman on the train with her headphones on? Sure I consider her attractive enough to date but it looks like she wants to be left alone and I won't ask her out *Any* of the attractive women at the office? Sure I consider them attractive enough to date but I don't want to make things at the office complicated No one is being "closed-out" or anything like that but if you come into a community where you disagree with what might be called the central tenants of the discussion that's going on (in this case something like "men and women are all individuals with individual tastes and preferences the belief that one super specific set of traits is universally attractive 'because monkeys' is not supported by scientific research or by most humans actual lived experiences") and perform the internet equivalent of stomping around squawking loudly while not contributing anything of substance… why would anyone upvote you? Ask Dr NerdLove: Why Do Women Ignore Him on Apps? · . While I find the number ratings valuable for telling at a glance whether a comment is a must-read or just likely to annoy me I have to admit I find them a bit dangerous on a site that intentionally speaks to geeks I feel like they tickle a Pavlovian "MUST GET HIGH SCORE!!!" response somewhere in my nerdbrain 🙂 Orv says March 6 2013 at 12:13 am "Tenets" not tenants (Sooner or later I'm going to catch all the sneaky quasi-homonym mistakes I make before hitting post instead of ) I just don't GET all the hatred towards women I certainly have my own bitterness and negativity to overcome when it relates to but the sheer volume and intensity of Red Pill/MRA/PUA guys just astounds me I can't wrap my head around it Why in the world are they so twisted and hateful?? The life of an is so much easier than the life of a lower ranking You don’t have to be a bad boy or a bad person to be an What we teach here at The Modern Man is how to be a good guy If you’re interested in experiencing what it’s like to be an click around my site to begin learning my most powerful secrets and techniques. Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 5:38 pm Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 11:43 am I think the fantasy is that women aren't attracted to men based on their looks and that achieving peak ness is what will elicit a sexual reaction While I may disagree with Lee any time I have told him I disagreed we've talked about it and he's made it clear he's read my points (and I hope I make the same clear to him) Even if we end up not agreeing I respect him for having the confidence to come in here and engage in honest discussion That's a hard thing to do because it often involves some painful introspection Conquering not really but interesting is definitely something that I've seen women have to work on It's particularly important for women who want to date within their social groups rather than date online or pick up guys at bars and it's pretty key for every woman who wants her interactions with men to last more than one or. In case I wasn't clear enough earlier you're making claims with no basis in reality You're making statements that probably apply to some people and insisting they apply to everyone Gentleman Johnny says However the existence of rape culture doesn't in any way mean that she's saying you said that "rape is good." You clearly don't understand what these things mean and aren't willing to make any kind of effort to understand what terms you're arguing against. Orv says March 5 2013 at 11:05 am So…some of your words don't make sense If a woman is in perma-consent mode how could she then not consent? Well if you follow the transactional model it makes sense Given that everyone wants (hetero) sex the side with the smaller population can afford to be more choosy If the theory were true then a population of 1.5 women to every guy would give guys more control over the transaction than women have in the general population The more guys who want monogamous relationships the more power the ones left have as the ratio moves further in. Guest says Ma at 7:59 pm yeah and if you look hard enough you will find a woman who s sexually attracted to horses- abberations exist its a cruel world- welcome. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 8:42 pm Yes all of these are common I think I know so many people who are mismatched and been in some mismatched situations myself! When you combine what Jay said above about religious upbringings and Mel's all-too-common experience of being sex-shamed these scenarios become very common Plus most people seem to think that sex is less important when considering the whole picture I've maybe had one partner out of a fair amount bring up the topic This was the most sexually satisfying relationship too! a couple of sex-interest shaming experiences I wasn't terribly keen to bring it up When I was in what seemed like "a good relationship" finally emotionally I tried to bring it up when I started to realize there was a bit of a mismatch but kept getting brushed off Yeah no wonder I'm sure because he realized I had a drive/interests he didn't like/was far removed from his and wanted to put off a break-up… Looking to evolution to understand why we have sex and with whom is not a bad idea but it helps if you look in the right direction in the first place (Plus the /beta divide fails to apply cleanly even amongst chimps; fes in chimp troops will mate quite happily with betas and frequently do so as soon as the ’s attention is diverted elsewhere) What Is ? One of the continuing issues with the worship of the “ ” is that nobody can agree on what “” is Clearly as implied by various and pick-up sites isn’t a direct translation of chimp 3 ; all chimp s enforce their exclusive access to women via violence. In shojo and josei manga yes but shonen and seinen there are lots of average to dorky looking men with hot girlfriends and also more tradtionally masculine and muscle-bound men In a lot of harem comedies or shonen manga the lead is no prize compared to the rival if there is one Now contrast this with Peter Parker Peter Parker is a big dork but at least since the mid to late 1960s has also been traditionally handsome Anyway I don't see me or anyone else saying we're "vs the PUA" Yes many of us here disagree with PUA techniques But I think it's clear that this isn't a closed-off site for only DNL and "like-minded friends" given that you are commenting here without restriction and you clearly don't agree with the article or what most of us are saying in the comments I've never seen DNL shut someone down for disagreeing unless they were outright attacking people or going off on totally unproductive tangents And you keep coming back to this idea that people are "hating on" you Are you hating on us by disagreeing with us? All we're doing is disagreeing with you the exact same thing So either you're just as bad as us or we're no worse than you however you want to. You honestly believe that the women who buy magazines advertising how to get a guy to notice you are already getting asked out multiple times a day and are somehow unaware of it? OldBrownSquirrel says March 4 2013 at 11:39 am I never got the appeal of the hot woman with an average at best man and I'm a man Personally I'd like it if a woman whose considers me physically attractive and handsome rather than somebody she is despite my looks Why wouldn't a man want to be seen as good looking? I'd rather have a woman think I'm handsome than be the average/ugly man who gets the woman over good looking guy Gil says March 6 2013 at 11:24 pm "Everyone else is saying that you can't make assumptions about human based on what some other animal no matter how genetically related does." –. Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 11:29 am I think you might be on to something But man is that depressing both for the guys who hold those views and the women who interact. at 4:33 am Ma at 4:55 pm They very much are Men don't care what a woman's job is or even if she can support herself on her own And the way the economy is most guys can't support themselves on their own they need roommates or living with family (which is even more shamed) Especially since a lot of those jobs are going to women now to fill quotas Women are competing over a shrinking pool of men and dismissing the larger and growing pool of men because their expectations are. Most men who rape especially in the area of questionable consent rather than outright spoken "no"s I suspect are men who do buy into the idea that women control their access to sex and thus it seems totally acceptable for them to "play the game" and try to convince women even when they're getting signals that indicate no or to take advantage when the woman's incapacitated… The women-control-sex view encourages people to see and sex as an area of conflict with men and women at opposing sides rather than a collaborative effort where everyone wants both partners to be happy and you're not going to treat your opponent with the same courtesy you might a friendly collaborator Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:05 pm Note to PUA readers I am kind of curious what the real answer is These days it’s not as shameful to anymore so unhappy women usually just get a take half of the guy’s money and try to attract themselves a guy with more characteristics than their ex I see this happening often because I help guys to get an ex girlfriend fiance or wife back It’s sad to see because in most cases the guy is a really good guy but no-one ever told him that being an is not a bad thing Most guys grow up thinking that the key to success with women and life is to be very nice all the time Yet it’s not The key to success with women is to be a good guy who knows how to attract women when he meets them and then how to deepen the love respect and attraction of a woman in a relationship 7 Being overlooked for promotions Tosca says March 4 2013 at 2:06 pm They may not be great human analogs but I agree gorillas are pretty cool Unlike chimps gorillas don't tear your fucking face and genitals off Ask Dr NerdLove: Why Do Women Ignore Him on Apps? · . It amazes me how often people who come here with hostile and/or closed-minded attitudes start complaining about the up and down voting Is it really so awful to see a minus sign next to random number over your comment? I'm not sure why that somehow means more than the fact that several people are willing to spend lots of time trying to explain clearly and in detail why they happen to not agree with you Most people here don't downvote everyone who disagrees with them They downvote the people who disagree in insulting or offensive ways the people who keep arguing the same points while ignoring the evidence presented to the contrary and so on I know this because I've seen plenty of dissenting opinions that were expressed thoughtfully and respectfully even get upvoted But hey let's not let actual facts and evidence get in the way of your need to vent about our unfairness! A Third Guest says Ma at 5:40 pm Might just chalk it up to women who think from the fact that you're hanging out on the internet discussing it Watching the actions of women in everyday situations says the stuff you gals are saying isn't true Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 3:38 pm Ma at 8:17 pm Yeah that'd be fine I can tell you that a lot more guys would need it than. Gentleman Horndog says March 6 2013 at 12:48 pm Agreed — the discussion is what matters Call me crazy but Choice C up there is the only one that sounds like any fun LeeEsq says The only time you should question someone's words is when they're saying they're okay with something and their body language says they're *not* What you want is both words and body language to line up If either one looks like an "I'm not comfortable with this" you stop and let it be or talk. Gil says Ma at 11:19 pm I'm sure not what that means but using Mel_-style inference I could take that to mean something gross You read my mind right there! 😉 Thank you Dan for giving such a elaborated answer to my question and to explain exactly why you dare to be in your own mind and how it’s NOT due to your ability to fight You just disproved one of my limiting beliefs! 🙂 I’ve also talked with some other people who are good at sexually attracting women who says that they can’t fight and that they never get in any form of physical trouble with aggressive s for showing their confidence to the world So I guess ones true confidence/-mindset is independent of ones ability. And I mean I'm not just making assumptions based on magazine articles From what I've observed and experienced and heard from other women throughout my life the women who get a lot of attention are the women who put a lot of work into not just looking but behaving in an appealing way–flirting and flattering and so on Most of the women I know who had the most guys asking them out weren't the most physically attractive but the most social butterfly types It has always seemed pretty clear to me that if I wanted to get more guys' attention when out socially I'd have to do a lot of work overcoming my introversion and reserve to act more like those women Putting on make-up and nice clothes certainly didn't accomplish it Crommunist says March 4 2013 at 8:53 am The obsession with status is – more often than not – an obsession born out of insecurity. A guy sitting down next to someone on the bus who is reading listening to their headphones whatever and saying "hey baby how about you and me go out sometime" then freaking out shouting and calling her a bitch if she says no or doesn't want to talk is not the kind of attention we're talking about when it. I was thinking that Guest sounded pretty out of touch when he was talking about romance novels The ones with a bare-chested highwayman abducting and raping a virginal heiress until she saves him with the power of her love are still out there but they're not a very big share of the market and I think it's mostly older authors writing new books for the same fans who have been following them since those tropes were fresh I've seen a range of personalities represented in the books I've read most of which match up fairly well with what modern women say they're looking for in a man Even looking at YA with a strong romance focus the most troublesome hero is a controlling twit but he's also a skinny virginal ginger who likes reading and playing the piano and who goes all sparkly when he's hit by direct sunlight Not exactly macho Bisian says March 6 2013 at 5:37 am Free advice buddy: stop thinking of yourself as a "loser type," it is whiney and self-pitying Not so attractive to. Guesst says March 6 2013 at 6:56 pm Yeah Edward is an unfortunate throw-back to the '80s to early '90s style romance hero who's usually not physically violent but is instead domineering and controlling emotionally/mentally It was a step forward for romance novels 30 years ago It's a step back for romance heroes now Just another reason to dislike Twilight Gil says March 5 2013 at 9:58 pm You vs the P.U.A.? So this is an anti-P.U.A or at least a closed-off site where Dr N and like-minded friends chit-chat with each other and hate on those who disagree as per most other sites? * tsk. What a relief to know that these are things done solely by men solely to attract women and not things that need to be done by nearly everyone anyway! Because obviously if that weren't the case they'd be requisite for all genders as part of presenting oneself as an adult functioning at a moderate level of personal and social competence not a list of all the ways the deck is stacked against men and that wouldn't be very helpful Kristi Coleman says March 4 2013 at 11:44 am A Third Guest says Ma at 6:25 pm And then "realistically attainable" quickly becomes "unrealistically unattainable" because you don't fit their laundry list of wants and needs that don't budge. Ma at 5:37 pm They're getting attention just not from the guys they want. Ah I concentrated too much on the not discussing things part of it and pictured Option 1 as being a state of willful ignorance (a couple who didn't have or even talk about having sex or one who did but who weren't willing to share any fantasies or disclose their kinks) rather than outright disregard of an obvious problem I agree that people who end up in that situation aren't tricked or trapped and that either way it's a choice I spent some time someone who I wasn't very attracted to and who wasn't very attracted to me and whose sexual tastes were pretty incompatible with my own We were both pretty miserable but it was very much self-inflicted and we only had ourselves to blame for thinking that a relationship where everything else worked perfectly on paper was worth putting up with barely mediocre sex (which of course turned to lousy sex or almost no sex when we hit a couple of bumps in the relationship) I am not an "" in the sense that I am socially clumsy and don't exude confidence externally thanks to having Autism But I am very good looking according to women I've met a number of them who have told me that I am beautiful including my ex Most of them tell me I'm "cute" Gil says March 5 2013 at 10:44 am So the suffragette movement was much ado about nothing? Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 12:01 pm Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 9:29 pm No take responsibility for your own actions Own up to your own success or failure If you don't want to do the work to get a date that's cool Fucking own it and quit claiming half the world owes you something or that the results of your effort are. Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 10:23 pm Fakely mctest says March 4 2013 at 3:08 pm Does that mean like sex with Norwegians or something? I'd agree that society has a long way to go before the collaborative model becomes something most people can accept and live by However that doesn't mean that the model of women controlling access to sex is useful or helpful It's currently in effect and rape isn't exactly uncommon. Mel_ says Ma at 5:49 pm A Third Guest says Ma at 8:51 pm See what I mean? We get blamed. There have actually been studies on this: women's self reports of feeling aroused often don't line up with their measurable physical arousal (see here for example: /2006/10/03/feeling-the-heat-… ) But that doesn't mean that women are inherently less interested in sex despite Gil's assumptions Btw: The confidence that you experienced to approach those women is a superficial type of confidence that would be better described as courage However if you want consistent confidence that grows in power every day you need to go through a confidence building process The process eliminates your insecurities fears and anxieties one by one and replaces them with mindsets of confidence power and masculinity The Confidence Building System is one of the 100s of things we teach in Power I recommend that you watch the program and follow the advice As with all of our programs the advice has been thoroughly tested proven and guaranteed to work so you can EXPECT success with women because that is what you will be experiencing. Here's a good place to start if you want to educate yourself If you don't I don't see any point in continuing to try to discuss this with you: /2009/10/rape-culture-1… Tosca says March 4 2013 at 2:11 pm "I have seen guys in the comments on past posts say things like "What's in it for me to be a decent human being if it doesn't get me laid?" God I remember that guy So many facepalms Eselle28 says March 6 2013 at 6:06 pm I'd also like to add that part of the sex positivity movement of the 80s also involved SM being seen as valid There are many people in the SM scene who do not wish to have PIV intercourse So sex positivity has included trying to take away stigma and shame from non-majoritarian sexual/sensual/ erotic practices including asexuality or erotics that are about things other than sex If seen quite a few celibate folks in the sex positive movement Hazel says March 6 2013 at 12:10 pm That's hilarious and it made. Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 8:20 pm Average and not-so-hot people struggle with each other as well The fact that most people eventually work it out well enough for the species to survive doesn't mean there's not a lot of confusion and frustration along. So if the message changed toward a collaborative view and away from women feeling shamed for being sexual I think you'd see men getting *more* sex and they'd realize it's a good thing pretty quickly I'm not saying changing this will be easy In fact I said the opposite But societal change is rarely easy and that doesn't mean it isn't worth fighting for Human beings are quite depressing that why I like to recite Eric Idle's refrain- 'Pray there's intelligent life somewhere up above cause there's bugger all down here on Earh". If you want to discuss this sort of thing you should probably acquire at least a basic level of understanding of the concepts we're talking about before you start telling people they're wrong and you're right. Hmm Why does nobody ever mention orangutans in these conversations? Because they're less social I suppose?. Mel_ says Ma at 9:28 am Well I can only laugh at this I guess the human race is doomed if women are all waiting until their fertile years to settle down Society and feminism encourage women to NOT go out with guys they're not attracted to and to go out with guys that they are I think the disconnect here is that most women's definition of attractive is a world away from what you think it is. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 11:16 am It's a tricky mindset to get out of because both men and women are encouraged to perpetuate it The movements I think will end up helping the. This is an attitude that’s going to fuck you over When you buy into the idea that all women are game-playing shrews who will only be faithful until a better option comes along that’s all you’re ever going to find You will be effectively screening out all of the incredible women who might otherwise be interested in you while you’re too busy trying to make sure that you’re not about to lose value to another more manly man Your attitude and misguided views of women will ultimately sabotage any actual emotional connection you might want to form and leave you angry bitter.

Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 6:06 pm "Of course you will STOP That's common sense – basic social understanding." It’s not terribly surprising (to me) to see that the idea of “being ” is continuing to be tossed around as the end-all/be-all of ; it’s a part of the DNA of men’s advice – the complaints of Nice Guys lamenting the popularity of assholes nerds complaining about jocks getting all the girls and of course the obsession in PUA circles with status games and “shit tests” – that is acting in such a manner as to “test” a man’s status by trying to make him supplicate or otherwise disqualify a man from being a potential sexual partner. Watch this and let me know what you think: /blog/-advice-for-introverted- Cheers Dan Gil says March 9 2013 at 12:24 am Maybe you should read your own comments for some coldness and hostility towards men It's not surprising people view men as Martians and women as Venusians I don't know I think you underestimate how much you can tell about a person beyond appearance before you even talk to them Body language and eye contact (either watching before the approach or during the approach) says a lot about how confident relaxed friendly etc the person is The setting and the person's response to that setting give lots of clues (e.g bookstore–what section are they browsing in how interested do they look in the books; park: what activities are they engaging in and how enthusiastically; club: are they happily dancing with abandon or hanging back by the wall evaluating everyone else; etc.) A person with the exact same looks will get very different responses from others depending on all of those factors which are established before any words are exchanged When a stranger approaches me body language and context matter *far* more to how I'm going to react to them than their facial structure or. Mel_ says Ma at 5:43 pm So you've watched women turn down guys and been able to tell from their that they turned the guys down because of their body type car and/or financial situation? How do you manage this–mind reading? I fought a bit at high school (went to a boy’s school) but since then I haven’t had to fight except for the year or so I was learning kickboxing “Ah hah!” Knut will think He CAN fight THAT is why he is No dude this is why I am : /in/d2e92f Cheers Dan Knut Haha! Quote: ‘“Ah hah!” Knut will think He CAN fight THAT is why. Personally,i don't see any difference between so-called '' guys and insufferable selfish dicks They are the same thing and I can't stand them They're complete selfish entitled and boring dicks I'm a woman who prefers younger softer more introverted and creative guys (you know the ones who have feelings and are actually fun to be with) but who unfortunately can tend to attract insufferable selfish dicks (otherwise known as s) who feel they must thrust themselves on me while out socialising These self-centered entitled dicks often force their attention on me (when I've given them no signals whatsoever — because hey I'm not interested!) refuse to go away destroy my chances of meeting someone I actually like (because hey I like quieter guys who I need some time to get to know) and can completely ruin. March 5 2013 at 2:55 pm Choice C is fun but my experience is Choice B "while we’re equidistant genetically speaking from chimpanzees and bonobos we bear far more in common with the hypersexual bonobos – in both and anatomy – than we do with chimps never mind gorillas Human and bonobo s have larger testicles than chimpanzees do while human and bonobo fes have vulva that are oriented towards the front; chimpanzee fes have rear-oriented vulva Chimpanzees mate exclusively in estrus strictly for the purpose of reproduction while humans and bonobos both have sex throughout the fe’s menstrual cycle and during lactation; in fact humans and bonobos are the only land mammals that have sex strictly for pleasure Even more telling is the difference in our brains Humans and bonobos have receptor sites in our brains for the hormone oxytocin which encourages social bonding and feelings of affection and is produced during orgasm Chimpanzees lack these receptors." In other words there's no way for A Third Guest to know that all these women he complains about aren't average guys because they're too picky rather than because they are focusing on guys who catch their notice more but would be willing to give some of those average guys a chance if the guys tried Gentleman Johnny says Ahhh I think your true colors are showing ATG Let me ask you something how many women that you are attracted to have you actually asked out? How many of them have you had a good conversation with? Have you tried finding someone you have compatible interests with instead of just deciding that women are all snobs who would never. Enail says Ma at 3:39 pm I love Cosmocking! Reading these magazines is kind of a 'laugh or you'll cry' situation At this point you need to be careful of not starting to fall madly in love with her based on the fact that you can’t have her The more she plays with you and the more deep and meaningful conversations you have together the more you will begin to feel convinced that you absolutely love her and want to have a serious committed and possibly even get married to her or have a lifetime relationship. As for whatever the lame “ gurus” claim: Mate who gives a crap what they say? If they are not successful with women their opinion doesn’t matter So don’t waste any more of my time or your time worrying about what a fake guru is saying Cheers Dan P.S Why do I say that when you are genuinely confident you can attract pretty much any woman? Simple Sometimes a woman will not be in the mood to feel attraction How? The best example to give guys is about porn Sometimes a guy will go to a porn site and want to jerk off and he will be immediately ready to go when he sees a video or two Other times he won’t even be in the mood and won’t feel much or any attraction for the women even though on another day. The problem with the worship of the starts with the current fad of explaining and fe sexual s via evolutionary psychology and involves two disparite beliefs The first belief is the modern narrative of sexual in men. Gentleman Horndog says March 6 2013 at 11:46 am Eselle28 says Ma at 5:58 pm If he was wouldn't that be the sign of hope? It would mean that it's possible to compensate for weaknesses in certain areas by emphasizing other more attractive traits While that may be true for a very narrow and specific definition of what constitutes "feminism," it completely sidesteps the problem with the MRA arguments To finish addressing the first issue what I see and hear when I speak to most feminists are things like "Society promotes attitude X which is bad because Y," "Women face disadvantages A B and C which get downplayed because of historical attitudes towards women," "Many men don't realize the position of privilege they occupy in many /fe interactions and the burdens that puts on women," and. Now for you guys I'll go ahead and lay this out in a way I usually don't This woman is hot She's a go-go dancer at the local goth club She's not at all ashamed of her sexuality and is quite happy to find someone to meet her needs on a short term basis if she's not in a relationship She was (at the time) 20 Her previous boyfriends (as our story opens) that I know of were a go-go for the same club and one of those spooky intense "king of the geeks lord of the con" types Her current boyfriend at this point in the story is an ex-semi-pro football player So y'know types at least within their own subgroups Her longest relationship at this point had been 6 months I could make the same accusation that ALL men are holding out for the 10% of women who look like supermodels but it still wouldn't make it true It's just my own insecurities talking at that point Because if I really look around I see plenty of average and ugly people together If everybody "held out" for that supposedly-coveted 10% none of us would ever fuck anyone let alone get married And then we'd be doomed Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 3:06 pm Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:30 am Some days I am sad that I cannot buy Mel and Gentleman Johnny and Trooper a drink (or a cookie if they don't drink) for all of their insightful comments You don’t have to be the one and only in a group situation or in any environment you find yourself You can be one of the s There is room for more than one in group situations these days because you are not tied to one group for life like men were in tribal times. Mmarple says March 4 2013 at 9:38 am by the end of the day the Nerdlove blog shall be filled with the screeches of MRAs. Orv says March 4 2013 at 11:04 pm You are a gentleman and a scholar and I have enjoyed every one of your additions to this conversation My fighting ability has nothing to do with my thinking and actions That is completely different Sure I can fight but if you’re a fan of the UFC like I am you will see that guys fight in the same weight range A welterweight trying to take on a heavyweight will pretty much always mean that the welterweight is knocked out in a few seconds So just because I can fight it doesn’t mean I can take on the big guys in a club for example However in that environment I am still exactly the same that I am anywhere else and in 99% of cases bigger guys will get out of my way when I walk through a club Why? This: /in/d2e92f All was different with the women No matter what their self-proclaimed sexual orientation they showed on the whole strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men women with women and women with men They responded objectively much more to the exercising woman than to the strolling man and their blood flow rose quickly — and markedly though to a lesser degree than during all the human scenes except the footage of the ambling strapping man — as they watched the apes And with the women especially the straight women mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person." /2009/01/25/magazine/25desi… Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 4:02 pm Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 11:32 am Oldbrownsquirrel says March 4 2013 at 2:42 pm OK fair enough Some people use "chimp" more broadly or just don't recognize the distinction; I just wanted to make sure the distinction between bonobos and common chimps. I often get contacted by guys here at The Modern Man who complain to me about how they often see beautiful intelligent women hooking up with jerks and bad boy s What these guys fail to realize is that women are attracted to their traits (e.g confidence and masculinity) but would sincerely prefer a good guy who was just as confident as the bad boy The absolute truth of the matter is that most women do NOT want to be in a relationship with a bad person but they are so attracted to traits that they will sometimes put up with a jerk or a bad boy just so they can experience the attraction that they feel to qualities Here’s another way of explaining it… You probably want a intelligent beautiful down-to-Earth loyal respectable woman for a girlfriend or wife right? Yet probably also get really excited when you look at slutty women in. Gotta be kidding Women only settle when their time starts ticking and they need a guy to give them a baby (or they need a guy to raise someone else's) It's fe version of madonna/whore they seperate the guys they're attracted to from the guys who they'll need to settle for and even then they're keeping an eye out for the tops among the settling group The reason I’m asking is this: You know those Heterosexual women that are in a relationship with a clearly submissive/insecure guy where the women has taken the masculine role in the relationship and the submissive/insecure guy is being lead/dominated by her masculine leadership What’s going on in those kinds of relationships in terms of Sexual Attraction and the theory of “being an -”? In a relationship like that; has the Heterosexual women simply settled for a submissive/insecure beta- because she’s afraid of getting emotionally hurt by the potential of being dumped by a confident - or because she thinks she isn’t good enough for the confident - that she really desires or because of some other personal problem of hers? Or are relationships like that due to the Heterosexual woman ACTUALLY being Sexually Attracted by an insecure/submissive beta-? Do you get my question? Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 3:42 pm I think there's also an Option 3: Sex in the relationship was never very good but the dissatisfied partner accepted the mismatch out of desperation or because the relationship otherwise checked off all the boxes on the Things I. Ma at 4:59 pm At the gym this morning a lanky reedy fellow with a big Roman nose and hipster glasses caught my eye He had a receding hairline He was HOT My gym is full of muscled dudes Some are very attractive but they don't turn MY crank It's sad that guys like A Third Guest are limiting themselves this way I sense that he might be a teenager because no woman I know gives 2 shits about "cool cars" Ma at 6:13 pm Translation: I'm ignoring everything you say because it doesn't fit my preconceived notions that make me the victim of all those nasty. March 6 2013 at 5:45 am I would agree that the U.S is patriarchal if women find admitting being raped and no one much wants to. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:30 pm I thought so just wanted to confirm 🙂 Jess says March 4 2013 at 2:13 pm You don't have to imagine The justification that people were incapable of caring for themselves in a "civilized" way so someone else had to make them "civilized" was a frequent justification for slavery Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 4:21 pm Citation needed Good point Dan Also I have a fairly average appearance but I’m sure that doesn’t matter as long as I have confidence I’m seen fat guys get lots of girls simply because of that LOL Cheers Mark Dan Bacon Hi Mark Yes you’re right in saying that Confidence trumps looks almost every time The more confident you are the more attractive you are to women Got to love how nature works! Cheers Dan I don't actually think that women have much lower sex drives than men do though I think many women learn to suppress their sexual desire because there are so many messages about women's sexuality being shameful or improper to the point that they have trouble feeling it even when they're in a healthy relationship I say that as someone who's experienced this myself–I had a very high sex drive as a teen and early-twenty-something and my first two boyfriends both expressed discomfort with it as if it meant there was something wrong with me When that happens especially repeatedly it's easy to end up with a lot of negative feelings tangled up in what should be a totally pleasurable act and that negativity dampens your enthusiasm Jay says March 4 2013 at 12:34 pm Two years ago when I crashed Google Chrome under the weight of all the TVTropes tabs I had open was when I realized I had a problem There's now a three-tab rule in place…which I break all the time but 15 tabs isn't as bad as 40 right? I can quit at any. March 4 2013 at 8:57 pm "Sexuality" and "having sex" are very different things One should not need to be having sex to be in touch with one's sexuality If people think they do then we have just hit on a point to be explored Danielleparadis says March 4 2013 at 4:43 pm Or you are going to find one who exactly meets your expectations (stealing your. Yep I'm absolutely blaming you for claiming that you should get results without effort That's called a sense of entitlement and its unattractive in men and women both If you were to actually ask somebody out and fail the women here and I would be happy to help you improve your approach If you had given any indication that you go places (or want to go places) where you can meet women we'd be happy. Personally I strongly dislike the " " type Too intimi and too pushy Feels like they have no respect for my feelings comfort or personal space (which they probably don't ha ha) I'm not a dominatrix chick or nothing but I just don't want a guy who insists on always being in charge Not a comfortable power dynamic. She knows that it would be BETTER to be with a good guy who is just as confident as the bad boy but those men are very hard to find Good guy s are almost always taken or several women at once so many women hook up with bad boys and assholes just so they can experience the attraction they feel to any type of strong trait If you are a good guy who also displays traits you are like a 10/10 to women Women refer to you as sexy charming a “catch,” a “man’s man” and other labels that essentially mean that you are the guy that women dream of being with When a woman comes across a guy like that she will hold on tight and never want to let go She will always know how lucky she is to have found him attracted him and gotten him into a relationship She knows that her girlfriends will be jealous and her parents will. Mel_ says March 7 2013 at 10:21 am Dr_Nerdlove says March 9 2013 at 6:00 pm Well played sir well played Gil says March 6 2013 at 9:46 am Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 8:37 pm This comment might make a little bit of sense if DNL advocated guys doing nothing but having "good character" to appeal to women But that's not what he does–he advocates guys finding ways to look and dress their best to build confidence and good humor and so on He's just saying that you can do all that without being misogynist and hostile toward the people around you Do you disagree? (As for your comment about polygamy I'm not sure how men being larger and stronger makes it "clear" that this is true especially when the article above provides much clearer proof that polygamous thinking is tied to property ownership not something biological.) Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 12:25 pm And I don't think we need to change the message just to men but to women as well I acknowledged that both men and women are encouraged to perpetuate this mindset and I think it needs to be tackled with everyone T-Rav says March 5 2013 at 12:17 am Oh yeah and I don't know where Henry Rollins fits into all this but damn he's cute! A special emphasis is placed on avoiding any that could be seen as “supplicating” to women To supplicate to a woman – such as by buying a woman a drink at a bar for example or being willing to hold her purse or drink – is seen as the greatest indicator of beta status; it means that the man is showing that he’s willing to sacrifice his value (which apparently is incredibly fragile) in order to appease the woman in hopes of getting sexual favors from her There seems to be a very slippery slope amongst these beliefs between say buying a drink or paying for dinner and becoming a spineless sexless blob of neediness that no woman would touch with a ten-foot pole." What's funny about this is this is where PUA's and feminists use different words and background but completely agree Bisian says March 5 2013 at 1:07 pm Either Gil's talking out of his ass or he only has sex with women who don't like sex (gee what could be the common denominator there I do wonder?) At what point does someone go from being “” to “an insufferable selfish dick”? The Problem With The Obsession With Being There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be more assertive and dynamic to have the respect of your peers and to be desired by others Learning how to be more confident how to be more socially adept and to have stronger personal boundaries is good thing something I encourage The problem is the way that the obsession with being “” manifests itself; it encourages simplistic and at times downright mysoginistic thinking Let’s be honest when you’re modeling your on the assumption that women instinctively trade sex in exchange for material support you’re saying – flat out – that you believe all women are whores This includes your mother sister cousins and every single woman you’ve ever loved or lusted Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 2:59 pm Check out Cosmo (or just read the Cosmocking articles) sometime Some of their advice columns are worse than the PUA corpus at reinforcing gender stereotypes and unhealthy relationships Do you really not realize that the way couples behave in public is not an accurate reflection of how they actually relate to each other? When people are in public they censor their speech and constrain their to save face The relationship dynamics of couples tend to show themselves in private What I have observed from couples I know and from the past relationships I've been is that equality is exception and not the norm What happens with most couples is that one party is the leader and the other is the follower The leader plays the role of the Some take it to extreme where the "" acts as the master and the follower is effectively. Oldbrownsquirrel says March 4 2013 at 2:12 pm Common chimps may do that but I've never heard of bonobos behaving. More often than not it gets mixed in with evolutionary psychology – the idea that men and women act a specific way because of evolution According to the standard script women are attracted to “s” because they are looking for prime genetic material who can also protect and provide for them thus ensuring the continuation of their genetic line. I disagree The idea that women control access to sex leads to a lot of things that at best support rape culture and at worst lead to rape If sex is a commodity to be accessed and women are the gatekeepers the next step for someone who wants to access that commodity is to try to figure out how to wheedle or bribe or trick or browbeat the gatekeeper into giving you access That's particularly true if you think that the gatekeepers are doling out sex in an unfair way and that you deserve to get more of it If you think of sex more like dancing or a conversation I think that leads to a much better consent model since most people acknowledge that those things are only fun if your partner is a willing participant Leeesq says March 5 2013 at 3:25 pm Mel there is no plausible solution I never said there was That doesn't mean that I have to like the current set up or my place in it The sex positive system might bring the most good to the most people when it comes to sex and I agree that it is better than the any of the alternatives March 4 2013 at 9:11 am Two hours Starting from … NOW! *gets the popcorn ready* Jarenth says March 4 2013 at 9:07 am You realize of course that the real PUA '' men are going to take your gorilla comparison as a compliment Good article doc Thanks for writing! Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 1:55 pm Oh don't worry That particular problem's been taken. Oh for a sex-positive culture! eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 12:13 pm The first issue I have is why would you WANT to be like that? I know I would never want to jettison my compassion and principles for some kind of "success" due to my heartless manipulations I'd rather have fewer deeper connections and a life where I stay true to myself by not climbing up the backs of others to further my popularity ANY man that I choose would think the same And I'd sooner be alone than be with a man who devalues my emotions never shows his and doesn't laugh at my jokes because of some stupid power struggle The other issue I have is the reduction of women to mindless animals slaves to all their instincts and hormones in these discussions The existence of fe assholes and status-climbers doesn't mean ALL WOMEN are even remotely. This is abundantly evident if ever one cares to visit r/pua or any other Pickup Artist thread These guys do NOT deal with rejection well and blame women for everything that is wrong in their lives I'd be more sympathetic if they weren't all aspiring sociopaths. March 4 2013 at 2:15 pm The sex positive movement sometimes ignores asexual involuntarily celibate and abstinent people I don't think it makes matters any worse however as mainstream culture also ignores the first two groups The last group of people has had more status at various times but it's generally been assumed that abstinence would either be a temporary state ending in marriage or would be associated with religious beliefs Wow! A real-life glorified expert on how to be a woman! I know I'm a woman but I'm DYING to have someone guide me how to *properly* be a woman So I have a few questions: Whenever I'm on my period my chin breaks out really really bad Do you know the right combination of concealer foundation and powder that will properly cover them without making it look like I caked a bunch of shit on my face? Or even better do you have any tips on things I can eat or alternative skin care that will prevent the breakouts? Thank you. March 5 2013 at 8:28 pm Well consider that by speaking against a sex-positive approach you are contributing to resistance to it even though you acknowledge that it is both probably better that the attitudes we currently have and probably better than any other suggested societal approach on the table As others have pointed out sex positive doesn't mean "everyone must have sex or they're losers" it means "sex is a natural and enjoyable thing and it's totally okay for all people to engage in it if they wish" Anyone who talks in the former way isn't being sex positive they're being a jerk So you're better off complaining. Gil says March 9 2013 at 10:06 pm His is a playa hater Hating the terms and Beta (and Omega) Hating the notion that only attractive women should be mens' target An. Jay says Ap at 2:59 pm There are various different versions of I believe the best model is a family of Wolves The Wolf makes sure to resolve all the conflicts between the pack and experiments have shown interestingly is the most stressed -The push toward mutual enthusiastic consent seeing sex as a collaborate act that people do together because they'll both enjoy it (rather than something a guy convinces a woman to do primarily for his enjoyment) -the call for proper sex education rather than abstinence only so women are fully aware of how they can protect themselves from STDs and unwanted pregnancies (rather than feeling they have to be extra cautious about sex because of those risks which are higher for them than for men) -the challenging of rape culture so that women don't have to feel they're at risk of being blamed if something bad results from them being sexually available or active (through no actual fault of their own) and so that men recognize that the "gray areas" of consent are not really that gray But it's probably going to take a long. Mel_ says Ma at 2:18 pm Ah good. Hi K.E Thanks for your question Well it does seem like you are at quite an advanced level already You certainly aren’t making all the basic mistakes that other guys make As for this girl it really is 50/50 whether she is saying that she isn’t interested in anything more than “just sex” to: a) Protect her heart because you’ve already told her you lose interest in a girl sex or; b) Let you know that she doesn’t want to get into a serious committed relationship but does want to have sex Regardless of which approach she is taking the thing you need to do the most is have sex with her Having too many deep and meaningful conversations BEFORE getting to sex pretty much always ruins it because it makes the guy look too emotionally involved and then the girl starts pulling back and toying. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 2:45 pm Orv says March 6 2013 at 12:24 am But Mel! Don't you know that we OWE HIM our agreement? all he came in here and shared his thoughts and ideas with us Don't we know that it's mean to disagree. As a citizen of a socialist country in my experience it means waiting in line for two hours to get your sex forms filling out the prerequisite sex forms to get primary sex forms having said forms lost in the mail and starting over waiting in line for two more hours to have it explained to you how you do not meet the requirements for sex in the rudest way possible being fined for no reason whatsoever filing out the sex forms again only to be told the sex you will be receiving based on your employment status will be delivered to you whenever the government sees fit which is usually by the time you don't need it anymore Sim says March 4 2013 at 4:04 pm Paladin says March 5 2013 at 9:01 pm Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 8:54 am Gil this isn't even a complete sentence I honestly don't know what you're trying. Marty Farley says March 5 2013 at 11:39 am You are right they don't trigger the same way Women are actually triggered by *everything.* What in your worldview does. Gil says March 6 2013 at 9:52 am Bisian says Ma at 6:06 pm This only "occurs" in 2nd-3rd hand stories in the whiney corners of the Internet It's very simple He needs to believe this because otherwise he has to take responsibility for his own life and the decisions that have lead him to where he is – unhappy and alone As long as he can convince himself and shout down others that women are hypergamous puppet-masters who make men dance on their strings he doesn't have to accept that there's nobody to blame but is why all he can't do anything but pull out the same bullshit talking points that have been brought up and debunked here over and over again There's nothing we have officially reached the end of this thread tangent Time to. I hear plenty of complaints from women who are approached by men while riding public transit sitting in coffee shops etc Those complains may be valid but they feed the perception on the part of many men that women don't suffer from any lack of attention A Third. Here at The Modern Man I can teach you many quick and easy ways to become more of an For now here are 5 ways to become more : 1 Be More Masculine Masculine (adj.): Having the qualities distinctive or appropriate for a Many guys confuse masculinity with “muscles” and “height” or physical strength However while those things are typically considered to be masculine traits the most important type of masculinity (in terms of attracting women) is how you think behave and take action When you think behave and take action in a masculine way you will be considered to be an and women will naturally feel attracted to you Here are some examples of how to be more masculine: Tosca says Ma at 5:07 pm Exactly I'm not about to tell any guy he has it "easy" Mel's right that not every person is going to get the things they want in life but the number of people who work up a positive attitude despite long odds and put in the hard goddamn work of overcoming the obstacles that are between them and their goals and then never get any of those things is a lot smaller than the number who sit there and whine about how unfair it is and then go mope about If you don't like the results you're getting take ownership of your failings put in more and more hard work until you've eliminated some of them Proactively cultivate a positive attitude and outlook on life (probably the hardest part of the whole thing) and go into each new experience looking for the positives in those experiences and not to get one specific thing out. A Third Guest says Ma at 9:17 pm A woman can get what she wants easily enough Sim says March 4 2013 at 10:12 pm That makes sense…although if part of the process is being rejected by say 90% of women why do PUAs assume that all women are like the ones they pick up? Isn't the fact that most women reject them evidence to the contrary? – Years cultivating social skills just to pass basics – Years (or steroids) to cultivate a body that can call attention to them immediately good luck if you don't – Years (or debt) to get a cool car just to call attention to themselves can make up for lack of other things – Years to be able to even support themselves and only themselves a huge entry barrier among women And having to spend just as much time figuring out what looks good on them as women do All for just. A Third Guest says Ma at 8:40 pm He's the one who made the sarcastic comment about what my world would look like as if it would come true anyways Joy says Ma at 9:35 pm Gentleman Johnny says March 6 2013 at 1:36 am Just going to touch on celebrities because it goes back to the serial killer thing How many people know your name and could pick you out of a lineup? 1,000? How many people know Tiger Woods and could pick him out of a lineup? 20,000,000? Do women who have trouble getting dates deserve to be issued a guy? A Third. Hey Knut No probs mate Yep is a mindset Live it and you will see what happens Cheers Dan Knut Hey Dan Are Heterosexual women only Sexually Attracted to guys that have a confident mindset/-mindset? Or are Heterosexual women also able to be Sexually Attracted to guys that have an insecure mindset/beta-mindset? Mel_ says Ma at 10:51 pm Orv says March 5 2013 at 3:49 pm Ask Dr NerdLove: Why Do Women Ignore Him on Apps? · . Fifteen-Year-Old me would have no idea what the hell any of this was At THAT point the “internet” was just Prodigy Compuserve and The Sierra Network for me Dr_NerdLove says But any sentence that starts with "Never listen to what women say…" is incredibly problematic regardless of what gets tacked onto the end That makes it terribly easy to disregard it when women say "no" to sexual advances or romantic approaches and keep pushing – and the fact that a grudging or coerced "mmmph alright" sometimes follows doesn't make matters any better This rhetoric also means that the experiences of women who disagree with any of the tactics or philosophy being promoted are automatically dismissed on the grounds that women never speak clearly or accurately about what they want At best women might find that their opinions and actual preferences are waived off not because they're liars but because they're too unattractive to be part of the group of women being discussed Frog says March 4 2013 at 1:40 pm Excellent call! Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds. Gil says March 6 2013 at 10:00 am Personally I tend to only downvote comments when I feel there's something problematic with the way they're presented If someone simply disagrees with me I just comment and explain why On the other hand I frequently upvote to express agreement when I think the person's said what I would say so well it makes more sense to just upvote rather than repeat it myself Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 12:54 pm Cassandra Field says March 4 2013 at 9:55 am …he just wanted to let us know that only Muslims oppress women today that in the U.S women control all the sex even though they don't really want it all that much or all that often and that society totally hates men who don't respect women's right to consent and control all the sex As a plus I haven't seen him suggest that women are evil That's progress right? Gil says Ma at 11:13 am I don't believe I wrote that but Mel_ inferred it from what. Lee you've said things like this before and I still haven't seen you offer any plausible solution There will *always* be people in society who aren't able to get things that society agrees are good There are people who can't go to college as much as they want higher education There are people (tons!) who can't get careers they actually enjoy There are people who have been denied a loving and supportive family since the day they were born There are people who can't start families of their own And. The biggest problems with the model are not the confidence or being goal-oriented but the need to frame situations as if other people are inferior to you to refuse to show enthusiasm or helpfulness because it might break that frame and to have that huge aversion to any tiny sign of vulnerability or weakness You can never truly relate to people and they can never truly relate to you if you can't open up enough to show you're human too If all you're looking for is immediate power over others sure away But I hope most people want more than that out of life and this being a blog not a power-seeking blog it makes sense to focus on the side of things Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 6:16 pm Expectations I see is translated as “doesn't include me until she's too old for me to want to. Whenever I write about issues surrounding masculinity and gender identity I get a lot of heated reactions There are inevitable people who will insist that I’m trying to “pussify men” or that if I would just take the Red Pill I would see the world as it really is instead of this femme faggy supplicating model that I’m pushing onto impressionable men More power to them I hope they find happiness some day; it’s pretty clear to me that they don’t have it now I’m a firm believer that one of the key elements to having greater social success is simple: don’t be an asshole Treating others like shit because you’re trying to force your life into a bullshit model of that doesn’t even have a basis in reality is the very definition of being an asshole It’s counter-productive it makes you an obnoxious dick and it hurts others – women especially. I'd have to agree And I even listed you as someone much more tolerant and patient than I am in response to his prodding at the PUA discussion above (As demonstrated by the extra 8 hours it took you to give up on him I started needing to find ways to avoid directly saying mean things about him.). Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 11:47 am To the haters here – since when do men learn intensively on how to pick up ugly women? It's always "how can I learn to snag the beautiful women?" By the same token women know they don't have to do much if they're intent on snagging nerdy losers Instead just as men don't want the dregs of womanhood neither do women want the dregs of manhood Losers appealing to the "but I'm good of heart" are just making. You nailed it on the head While these sorts of attitudes *might* get you laid they will get you laid by people who just reinforce your bad attitudes about women and just entrench your bitterness and hateful attitudes Which means you will only continue getting laid by these sorts and around and around the cycle goes. By playing a PUA you're going to attract women who are attracted to PUA's Hope you're happy hiding all your real interests because comics and video games probably are poison to that crowd Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get the results you're getting If you want the results I got: attractive women you can honestly share your nerdy interests with who thinks of you as a person and not a penis that can do something for her in exchange for sex drop me a line Or do what I did: read the Doc's columns honestly evaluate how they might apply to you and DO THE WORK PS I note I left the year out in the first half This story is Sep 2011 to present Okay strictly speaking estelle28 brought it up first but you concurred Maybe I remembered your reply more-so because you reply so much in both terms of frequency and length that you seem like a counter-troll However Tosca also makes a deliberate ambiguously-written sentence a scroll down Tosca also put a winking smiley emoticon and yet feigns disgust when call out on it?. Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:26 pm It's a like a lot like other virtually-closed sites where agreeing with the party line gets a ton of up votes while disagreeing automatically attracts of a torrent of down votes Best of all there are self-appointed bulldogs are quick to shoot down any dissenting comments with their own comments However it's not surprising that with time such sites do indeed block out comments except to their nearest and dearest Let's use money as a gender neutral example Is it so unfair that I have to go out and do inane and stupid fucking things just so I can eat? No! No it fucking is not You don't get rewards without effort is more like starting a business though Even if you do everything right there are no ironclad guarantees No one's going to hold your hand and make you do it but there are resources to help once you've decided the rewards are worth the effort There are things you can do to make your odds better or to make the work more pleasant but life doesn't owe you jack shit sparky Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:51 am Gil assumes women never want sex Therefore the threat to withhold sex is meaningless Alternatively Gil assumes men are incapable of actually withholding sex and thus no woman would take the threat seriously Welcome to The Modern Man! My name is Dan Bacon and I used to be hopeless with women I lacked confidence in myself and couldn't get women to like me Despite being a good honest guy women just weren't interested Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 4:58 pm Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:17 pm Tosca says Ma at 5:58 pm "They keep claiming that most guys would be totally happy with just about any woman" That argument falls apart soon enough I've seen many a guy on here scoff and deride DNL for "daring" to suggest men go any woman but the most attractive Tosca says March 4 2013 at 2:34 pm I know they don't that's why I said chimps (chimpanzees) Chimps are freaky scary I wish I could give better/more directed advice there but I just don't know you well enough to have much to add that's useful I agree it's way easier said than done changing your outlook and keeping positive in the face of challenges is brutal but I think in the end it's work that's worth it. Well you obviously don't understand what rape culture is then Perhaps you should educate yourself about the definitions of these things before you try to debate about them Rape culture isn't a culture where rape is explicitly acceptable Rape culture is a culture that implicitly makes rape seem more acceptable by among other things seeing it as women's responsibility to control men's "access" to their bodies because men always want it and so they can't be expected to control their own desires so that it can be seen as the woman's fault if she ends up having sex with a guy (because she must have secretly wanted it and just not tried hard enough to. Really let's break down the two choices you're presenting here: Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:08 pm Exactly Like Muslim society where a woman who "didn't do enough" to protect her purity wasn't raped Men weren't responsible for their sexuality. Bisian says Ma at 6:45 pm ATG none of the things you're saying are true This is just your insecurities talking Now please stop parroting those MRA talking points Clementine Danger says March 5 2013 at 3:16 am When I created the controversial attraction techniques that I now teach here at The Modern Man beautiful women began flooding into my life and I've enjoyed my choice of women ever since I've already helped 1,000s of guys to get instant results with women (100s of success stories here) and I would love to help you too If you are sick and tired of not getting results with women and would like to try something that is absolutely guaranteed to work for you then get started here. I guess it's okay when the boss does it P.S Humans are primates Robert says […] and physical aggression as manly ideals; it promotes a world where all of life is a struggle of dominance of others where sex is a matter of power and fe submission rather than one of intimacy and mutual […] Who is more the man who has his wife’s complete devotion and fidelity or one whose wife sleeps with other men If it turns out that he’s in an open marriage does that change the equation? What if he’s into cuckolding and is using that other as part of his own sexual pleasure? Sure other people are fucking his wife… but they’re doing it at his sufferance and in turn making his sex life even more pleasurable and intense Is the macho type-A personality high-powered executive less if he’s the sub in an S&M relationship? Is he more or less if he’s into prostate stimulation? What about if he’s into pegging? Tosca says March 6 2013 at 11:22 am About Lee he's been on this site for a while And he's been upvoted a fuckton Because sometimes he says awesome things that rock If you look back in the past you'll find his awesome upvoted posts I'm always amazed by this " s are the most attractive" philosophy I've never encountered a man who is so insecure that he thinks rudeness and misogynistic remarks are the way to pick up a girl and thought "Oh wow this one's a keeper gotta jump his bones tonight!" Even my casual hook-ups and friends-with-benefits situations are always with guys that I can tell respect me and my thoughts about sex/my body as opposed to just playing a game to see my boobs I just find it difficult to believe that "most" women – as it's stated in the PUA society – want to hook up with someone who is probably 1 dangerous to hook up with since they don't seem to understand women's boundaries and 2 probably not that great at sex anyways since they obviously don't care about the woman's pleasure Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 10:11 pm The way these comments are structured I can't tell who you're responding to but I think it's one of my comments? Gentleman Johnny says March 9 2013 at 4:12 pm You're reinforcing my point That's not what Marty was saying Marty was saying that for a certain period in post-Renaissance Europe women had better rights afforded to them then they did in the U.S for the first 200-ish years that America was its own country She was making the point that your statement was true for America 1770's-onward but that in different western countries (to be clear "Western" generally refers to not only America but most of Europe when used in a historical context) at different Pre-United States times women enjoyed different levels of legal protection This was prompted by your statement "Western society was rather like some Muslim societies today until the 20th century" which was over-broad and failed to account for what was actually occurring in different regions across Europe throughout the past 600 or. March 6 2013 at 11:37 am That's a comparison between biological aspects of humans bonobos and chimpanzees What's. Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 2:26 pm Beth says March 4 2013 at 9:48 am Flawless fucking. Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 8:16 pm Mel_ says Ma at 10:49 pm The point I want to make here is to get you guys a clear picture of how great life really can be if you’re an In the modern world there’s a lot of academic intellegent men out there but their life’s keeps procrastinating and wasting away just beacause their lack of success with women their fears lack of motivation etc Well to be honest I am one of those guys… Dan Bacon Hi Tomas Thanks for your contribution to the discussion. I don't understand why a lot of sex with women who are by your own definition here "emotionally-fucked-up" would be a good thing? I won't argue that it's better or worse than "no sex at all," because that's kind of a personal decision but how could a string of short encounters with people that you hold in contempt and who will react in unpredictable and potentially dangerous ways when you call the "relationship" off possibly be a thing to aspire to? The idea of the “high-value ” is a popular one – in fact it’s one of the regular arguments in the comments sections especially whenever I post about masculinity or what makes men attractive to women The problem unfortunately is that the cultish worship of “” is incredibly toxic poisoning interactions between men and women and actually making it harder for men to improve. Bisian says March 5 2013 at 1:11 pm I love this comment so much Orv Can I marry it? And apparently being attracted snarky wit is part of my caveman brain Or is being witty an trait displaying psycho-dominance somehow? Help me out here I can't. Option 2: At the start of the relationship the sex was great! It was frequent and exciting and everything he wanted it to be… then all of a sudden things changed If things changed suddenly either his partner was "faking" her enthusiasm for sex with him (which seems unlikely but not impossible) or something in the relationship has changed in a way that has had a negative impact on their sex life In this case it is both partners' responsibility to discuss what has happened and to try and find a solution Sometimes there is no solution sometimes a person's level of desire/sex drive is going to shift around as they age or based on medication their taking depression they're dealing. Orv says March 5 2013 at 1:44 pm A woman may accept a guy who lacks the mindset but she will never feel as much attraction for him as she would for an Most of the guys who come to me looking for help on how to get an ex back are guys who have either never been an or who lost touch with their masculinity and became a bit of a wuss needy guy clingy guy etc in the relationship 2 Feeling nervous or anxious in social situations A real doesn’t feel nervous or anxious in social situations because he full believes in himself and expects to be liked He knows that he is more than good enough for women to like him and for men to respect him Why? He decided that he is His perception of himself is much more important than what others “might” think He bases his confidence on how he thinks not on how others. What do you mean by "closed-off site"? That would seem to imply some sort of restriction on who can contribute to the discussions here Obviously that isn't the case As for the "hate on those who disagree," while I personally have little patience for people who can't string together a coherent argument support it in a credible fashion and refuse to actually engage in any sort meaningful discussion (which I would define as "engage in discussion while being open to the possibility they might be wrong or their mind might need to be changed") I think most folks here Mel and Eselle in particular are incredibly welcoming and willing to engage in open and fair conversation with anyone who's wandered over Gentleman Johnny says March 9 2013 at 4:25 pm And if you don't think its a good thing it makes a great motivator to improve yourself I haven't seen a PUA site that suggest "women are attracted to wealth and status so you should work harder contribute to your community and attend charity events." Things aren't perfect but I think there's more room within sex positivity for differences in people's sexual drives and circumstances to be accepted at least compared with the current cultural ideal of men being studs who get laid at will women being highly sexual but not in a way that leads to them having a high number of partners and everyone eventually falling in love and settling into monogamous but highly sexed marriages (or keeping it to themselves and suffering quietly if they don't) Gentleman Horndog says March 6 2013 at 12:17 pm I always appreciate when people leave me a comment telling me why they thought I was wrong-headed or off-putting instead of just downvoting (though they certainly don't "owe" it to me) It teaches me something even if it's just telling me how I'm being perceived Dr_Nerdlove says March 5 2013 at 12:49 pm It's kind if depressing to see the way certain definitions of “masculinity” are presented Men evidently are supposed to be mindlessly horny rage-beasts according to much of what gets sold. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:22 pm Need I point out that by that definition you are currently getting a lot of attention from at least two attractive women? Mel_ says Ma at 9:22 am Eselle28 says Ma at 4:57 pm As a person who was unemployed for a year and a half I can assure you that a lot of men do very much expect a woman to be able to support herself on her own There were still men who were willing to date me but most of them needed assurances that I was looking for work and expected to support myself Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 3:22 pm A lower ranking may be able to get himself a girlfriend or even a wife but she will always secretly wish that she could be with an instead At the very least she will fantasize about being with an when she masturbates Most guys don’t realize that when a woman masturbates she will think about a confident masculine man having sex with her If she is in love with her boyfriend or husband she will often imagine him However if she is with a lower ranking who doesn’t make her feel the type of attraction she really wants to feel she will imagine other men instead Women in this position are much more likely to cheat or have an affair when the spark dies out of the relationship In the past women had to stay with a man for life even if they were unhappy because it was shameful to get a so they usually just had affairs while they husband was working. And of COURSE those cheat codes exist Just ask the guys selling them Gil says March 6 2013 at 10:02 am Mel_ says Ma at 11:54 am You have a very strange idea of what "disgust" looks like if you think someone laughing at you is an attempt at feigning it And I'm not sure how Tosca's aside has anything to do with the fact that you've been acting creepy But whatever About how you can get over your wasted time: You’ve got to take action Bobby Nothing happens until you take a step forward Read this Tweet I made on Twitter: /Dan_Modern_Man/status/275926339486367744 Here are some relevant articles for you: /success/fear-of-life-in-the-modern- /success/successful_thinking Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:29 am Oh yeah I wasn't at all saying that rape is handled well here But… This is a patriarchal society and it doesn't fit Gil's description And in fact not long ago he was claiming that this current society which is patriarchal *does* punish rape because women control sex. Gil says March 6 2013 at 12:06 am I guess by the way people here cite bonobos and Beta chimps they must engage in partner-swapping orgies Ask Dr NerdLove: Why Do Women Ignore Him on Apps? · . Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 5:33 pm "The only way you know if that conflict has been resolved is if you go for the makeout again some time." Or you could talk with her about what happened the. Eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 12:09 pm Ma at 10:37 pm Yeah like I said in another thread a few days ago I'd really like to see the "women have it so easy because most guys would be happy to date any of them" crowd chat with the "there's no point in pursuing a woman who isn't totally hot" crowd Let them hash it out for a while rather than us having to keep arguing. Although I firmly believe that even the most guy can still get rejected and not every woman will be attracted to him I do see your point I’m 19 (too young? lol) and never had a relationship and still a virgin Still live with my parents still haven’t driven yet and I haven’t had a job in a while Is that such a turn off even if I know how to talk to women? I just don’t want to improve myself because I feel it’s pointless because it’s too late And I usually define myself by things I’ve achieved and I don’t think I’ve achieved enough I’m also sick of seeing the other guys getting the luck but reading this now made me realise why that’s the case Still I do want to change but my past just goes on me and makes me feel it’s pointless to change Is this a normal feeling that can be eliminated? Cheers Mark Paul Rivers says March 5 2013 at 5:44 pm "Mainly because both tend to be founded on the idea that in one way or another women are a monolithic entity that is hostile toward men." Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 11:20 am Have you noticed that women don't seem to like this model much even though you seem to be claiming it gives us power? There's a reason. Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 2:28 pm Well see it turns out that being clever gets you more resources for a smaller expenditure than being strong let alone spending time proving you're strong Anyone can dig for gold It takes a special mindset to go out to California with a wagonload of picks and shovels. Deadliftman says March 4 2013 at 9:22 am Gentleman Horndog says March 9 2013 at 6:14 pm Because 1) they're not ALL greedy selfish assholes 2) we're not interested in greedy selfish assholes a goal best served by 3) not acting like greedy selfish assholes ourselves But hey man if those are the kind of people you want to get with knock yourself out Ma at 10:10 pm The scenario I have more in mind is: "I have a crush on this guy and I really really really wish he'd ask me out." Flaws can be invisible in such cases I think it is entirely possible for women to reject all other guys because they're hoping someone specific will express an interest instead and they'd rather stay single for a while if need be to nurture that hope Then when they've given up hope in their crush taking an interest — perhaps after his wedding — then they might be willing to "settle" for someone else Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 8:45 pm Again you are arguing against something no one has said Can you please point out to me where anyone has suggested that we should have men controlling sex? No? Oh because no one's even mentioned that until you brought. Tosca says Ma at 6:17 pm Nope Guys *might* have no problem *sleeping with* these women and using them when convenient But they're certainly not going to bring her around their friends and admit they dig her And by "guys" I mean guys. That out of the way yes at this particular moment people are expressing bewilderment over several common P.U.A beliefs/assertions that don't seem to make any sense given what would seem to be the logical goal of the P.U.A community Some of us (like me) have also been snarky in taking certain concepts to their hyperbolic extremes Also a side discussion about the differences (if any) between MRA and P.U.A communities crept in up there somewhere Robert says March 6 2013 at 11:44 pm I agree Where men control sex that means a rape culture – either women are blamed for rape or rape is not considered a crime By saying women control sex means women can refuse sexual advances without fear of violence (or at the very least said violence is a criminal offence) all it in the Western law code a man could legally rape his wife up until the 20th century Women should notice what is considered in modern rape vs old-timey rape In the olden days rape was only a crime because he stole a husband's right to his wife or the father's right to a virginal daughter i.e not about her right not to. @sarahisawesomer says February 8 2016 at 12:49 am Managerial or leadership promotions (these are usually the best paying jobs) almost always go to the or the most charismatic guy Lower-ranking s aren’t usually given positions of leadership and power unless they have a lot of skill in a specific area However if an comes along who has just as much skill as the lower-ranking the will eventually be made boss and the lower-ranking will be his assistant and get paid less It’s just how nature works 8 Having less friends than the average person Mel_ says Ma at 4:53 pm I. Everything about humans from the size of our testicles to the shape of our pensises to the noises we make during sex is evolutionary testament to the fact that sexual exclusivity is not the natural state It’s a cultural creation that we have mistakenly attributed to nature. Eselle28 says Ma at 4:50 pm There are very few women who expect their partners to have steroid-level muscles (there's certainly a fanbase for that but I actually know more women who prefer other body types) or cool cars (are you in high school?) Fakely mctest says March 5 2013 at 7:06 pm Gender roles in general are such a classic example of The Patriarchy Hurts Men Too Solution? Feminism

Mel_ says Ma at 5:14 pm Also how many guys do you know who actually ask out every woman they see who they consider attractive enough to date? I mean apparently this is something like 95% of the women out there So you and most guys you know ask out 19 out of every 20 women who cross. At college I’ve met this girl We started flirting pretty early on the whole thing going on a bit on- and off Eventually one night it led to lots of kissing and foreplay With her on her period that’s where it ended also Since then we’ve shared bed some times kissed and had some foreplay not sex thou Partly because our college life is extremely stressful and does take a lot of your lust for sex away A couple of nights ago we had somewhat of a deep-talk regarding where this was going (she being a bit uncomfortable with some of the public massage’ing I had given her while in class watching a presentation – not seeming to mind it at the time thou) I had now realised I might want more than sex with this girl She said she was attracted to me and thought of me as charming That she wanted to have sex with me but that she was not in love with me I.e not wanting more. March 5 2013 at 1:39 pm As near as I can tell because "Feminism is bad"!!! Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 8:20 pm I purchased a few of your products before and I learned a lot from them Now the question for me is whether I should go with Better than a Bad Boy or power Well reading descriptions I like the first more but body language part and being an in 2nd book is intriguing So what do you think I should do? And aren’t you supposed to be an to be a bad boy anyway? Cheers Us Dan Bacon Hey Us Thanks for your question. Orv says March 5 2013 at 11:14 am What studies are these? What women are these? Maybe I only find outliers (that's sarcasm there that is) but my partners have all been pretty clear on when they're physically aroused My real animus is having to listen to other people's sex stories and sitting their awkwardly and jealous Very jealous. Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 9:50 pm March 4 2013 at 11:30 pm People a few scrolls up were saying a rape society is where women are controlling sex and I disagree Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 3:29 pm I believe the argument is that we're programmed to seek the highest status s so that we can harvest their sperm and make our own little future high status s who can go and spread our genes around even further No need to actually enjoy the process Sigh Gil says March 4 2013 at 11:28 pm Nope Men controlled sex then If a woman had pre-marital sex behind her father's back then she'd get kicked out of the house (assuming the family was of notable worth) The father was the gatekeeper than the husband Gentleman Johnny says March 6 2013 at 1:13 am If we're going to bring in evolution wouldn't evolution inherently favor a physiology more suited to child birth over an avoidance of mating? Mel_ says Ma at 4:19 pm Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 10:58 am Ma at 10:53 pm Wow I asked a whole lot of questions in my comment and you ignored every single one Here's the most important part: how many guys do you know who actually ask out every woman they see who they consider attractive enough to date? I mean apparently this is something like 95% of the women out there So you and most guys you know ask out 19 out of every 20 women who cross your paths? Because unless you and the guys you know are then there are some women those guys are *not* hitting up. Enail says March 5 2013 at 8:38 pm Astral says March 5 2013 at 8:40 pm Eselle28 says Ma at 11:01 am Between this comment and your bizarre idea that people over the age of 35 lose interest in sex because they're primarily concerned with raising their teenagers I'm beginning to question how old you are and whether you've been in or even observed any actual relationships I'm thinking more of the rhetoric on PUA sites which tends to deemphasize looks and concentrate on game In Nerd Gets the Hot Girl stories set in high schools the fantasy more likely to be that women are really interested in Inner Beauty and that all that's needed for the nerd to succeed is for the girl to give him a chance to show her what a great guy he is In ones where the nerd is a bit older the fantasy might instead be that women are really interested in money and that being wealthy will not only attract a mate but will attract one who's genuinely sexually attracted to her spouse The common thread is picking one stat and claiming that if you just max it out you can be universally appealing to women who have maxed out the beauty stat Obviously reality is more complicated but that doesn't make for good sales pitches or easily written romcoms Joy says Ma at 10:32 pm Not being "completely enthusiastic about every aspect of this person" doesn't mean you're settling it just means you're in a relationship with an actual real. I agree that it's kind of weird to think about sex without there being mutual desire or caring about pleasing my partner or finding out about someone else's body or his fantasies Just writing that made me a little sad. Er the whole point is that the of human beings *is not dictated* by our animal ancestors We have a variety of close ancestors with a variety of so you can't say one particular is inherently more "natural" for human beings just because some primate has it There are all sorts of things that primates do that aren't natural for humans to do at all As to the whole definition of "" thing I think the article covers why it's problematic in great detail If you can't be bothered to read it and pay attention to what it's saying I don't see any reason in trying to repeat all that just to have you ignore. Tosca says Ma at 7:28 pm "Pretty much this"? Where did OBS say anything akin to what you. Wrong Hypergamy is a lot more common than you think And as it turns out men engage in hypergamy too It isn't easy to do it if you're a guy but it CAN be done If you don't have social skills and external confidence + charisma you're gonna have to figure out a way to get around that There are multiple ways of doing this One way is to bulk up Another way which often works better is to develop some kind of artistic talent Particularly musical talent(that REALLY works well actually) Women love musicians even if they are lacking outward confidence and social skills And furthermore it's always been fairly common for poor/low-class women to attract affluent men by putting effort into looking good and being very charming and flirty […] hierarchical structure and one can only keep one’s place by taking it from another; part of being “” all is to be dominant over other men This need to continually reaffirm one’s masculine […] Thank you first for this great post! So here’s my story I’m quite a handsome guy but I am usually very insecure that’s why I never get girls I was peacefully single and without any hassle my vision was to find a sincere girl with a good character although my friends tell me that with my handsomness I can get easily a girl I was always looking for a girl with such characterisitcs. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 10:27 am No some women actually don't get attention from men not even men they find unattractive As people here repeat all the time women are not a monolith with a hive mind and a shared set of experiences The woman who's complaining about the creepy guy on the bus and the woman who's sad that she's never met anyone who tried to flirt with her or ask her out are two different people Yeah that's why I said "most people" rather than "everyone" here I know I've been downvoted for comments that as far as I could tell focused solely on facts with no snark or whathaveyou presumably because someone didn't like the facts I was presenting (Not that I keep careful track of the votes but the default with an IntenseDebate account for some reason is the comments post with +1 and it's easy to notice if I'm reading over the thread a short time later and there's a 0 instead.) And that's people's right Whatever the majority opinion is it'll be reflected in the overall number I rarely see a disagreeing comment here (can't speak for other blogs) that is well-reasoned and presented with an overall minus rating which is what leads me to believe that the majority of people who vote on comments here don't use it just to express disagreement I broke up with her twice during this short period: first time because he overtreatened her and had to let her go so she won’t be in trouble but she couldn’t break up and we got back together and second time because I was doubtful about her a lot She still talk to him because she’s pretending to date him but her friends know that I’m her since we go out all of us the other guy is studying in another country. Jay says March 4 2013 at 12:55 pm Kaname says March 5 2013 at 10:00 pm I am not sure how this blog post was inspired but I am currently reading a book called the Dawn of Sex and it describes everything you mentioned in this. Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 4:53 pm Dude I was picking up girls when I drove a Prius One of the pussy-gettingist men I know is short fat and drives a beat up Honda r told you these were all necessities was either deluded or lying. Guest says March 5 2013 at 6:21 pm Dr_Nerdlove says March 4 2013 at 3:55 pm Orangutans don't live in social groups for the most part The individual s have designated territories and the fes wander through Trooper6 says March 5 2013 at 2:19 pm Feminism is badass! Some people will say that a "Nice Guy" is different than "nice guy" but one doesn't make a distinction on something they care about by using different terms that are so similar that they're exactly the same if pronounced Terms like this are deliberately left confusing to say that basically – being to supportive / beta is a negative quality Both PUA's and Feminist articles are basically talking about the. Tosca says March 6 2013 at 10:20 am Here's another downvote for you You're welcome I would agree that basic social skills are important to most women and that the ability to financially support yourself can be important to maintaining a long term relationship I don't think those are particularly unreasonable expectations or that they're that dissimilar from what most men seek in their partners A Third. Tosca says Ma at 4:46 pm No Seriously have any of you dudes looked outside that dimly-lit L.A club? At. Gil says March 6 2013 at 4:46 am Do tell. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 9:06 am In my improv class one of my () classmates launched into a scene where he was a personal trainer whose primary motivational phrase was "That's as FUCK man! AS FUCK!!!" Great scene; big laughs March 5 2013 at 4:13 pm I like how according to this theory women are apparently so controlled by unconscious instincts that they do things that consciously should make no sense at all to them (yup I'm going to have sex I won't enjoy with this guy because… I just will) and yet somehow they can override those instincts enough to generally insist on birth control being involved which is a much bigger obstacle to spreading one's genes than having sex with a guy who's not quite so high status but actually makes you happy But then why would I expect logic to be involved here? Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds. As someone who has lived both the life of an AND a beta the difference is night and day and being an is a much better life to live Thanks for the insight Dan Dan Bacon Hi Alan You’re welcome mate Thanks for your positive feedback and contribution to the discussion EVERYONE: Read Alan’s comment The guy knows what he is talking about Cheers Dan Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 10:07 am I'm disagreeing with the original post Your point about the uncoolness about the assumptions being made is perfectly valid — and one I didn't even see until my post was written 🙂 Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 1:21 pm There's increased incidence of sexual dysfunction with increasing age though that doesn't really seem to be the argument here . .gov/pubmed/14730166 Another guest says Ma at 3:45 pm If as you say the "only" thing a woman has to do to get a date is know how to dress well and put on makeup then the converse absolutely can be said for women There are hundreds of sites catering to millions of women about how to dress well and put on makeup Yeah I usually reply in either case unless it's gotten to the point where I've already tried to explain in various ways and the other person's just not listening The downvoting would be in addition to that and usually only when it's particularly problematic Which is why I think it's kind of silly to get fussed about the vote rating on any comment–the discussion is much more important To me if someone disagrees but can't be bothered to say why oh well obviously they didn't care enough about the topic to explain And if they did explain why it's the explanation that matters more than the fact that they disagreed Eselle28 says Ma at 12:36 pm That's how it reads to me as well What did you actually mean? The Mikey says March 4 2013 at 6:17 pm The whole thing about being “” or being “beta” I first encountered on 4chan of all the places But it was mostly as a joke towards the “Bros” that pound Natty Ice or some other crappy beer And just because some women deal with this doesn't mean all of us do or even that most women who mention it deal with it regularly It's happened to me maybe four or five times since I hit puberty I can still contribute a story if the topic comes up but being approached four or five times in the last twenty years (by guys who clearly had a screw lose or were outright inconsiderate) is hardly on the same level as having "tons of options" or having guys fall all over me when I leave. Hey Mark Thanks for your question LOL @ it being too late because you’re now “19 years old.” Funny stuff I get success stories almost everyday from 40+ year old men who’ve turned their life around with women being rejected for most of their life or coming out of a horrible and being left with practically nothing (the legal system really screws men a in most cases) No the fact that you don’t drive is NOT a turn off No living with your parents is NOT a problem What is a problem? Thinking that you have a problem and are not good enough for women Women are attracted to a man’s confidence and turned off by his insecurity and lack of self-belief About still being a virgin read: /sex-advice/im-still-a- Cheers Dan Brooke says March 4 2013 at 12:32 pm Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 9:57 pm If you're waiting for someone who's 100% ideal where you're completely enthusiastic about every aspect you might as well spend your spare time hunting unicorns instead You'll have just as. I have nothing further to say to you at this point since you've more than proven you're not actually interested in having a discussion (particularly considering that you've made incredibly offensive and problematic claims like that men are in a constant state of consent and then ignored the obvious proof people have presented that this isn't the case rather than admit you might have overstated. Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:55 am Also listen to this customer and how he transformed himself If HE can do it any guy can (he had coke bottle glasses a lisp when he spoke overweight and NONE of that mattered because he focussed on being attractive in the ways that are most important to women): //audio Cheers Dan Brody. March 5 2013 at 3:33 pm Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 10:25 pm Ah yes I suppose I am describing oneitis Lot of stuff going on she told me that her ex knew about us from Facebook (he hacks sometimes her accounts) and he’s jealous and is treatening her with some secrets about her family if she doesn’t break up with me I called him and he said : “dude the girl cheated on me twice and this is the 3rd time!!! with you! I’m still with her” lot of hassles and each one of them trying to convince me that he’s telling the truth (her that she broke up with him and him that she’s still with him) I agreed with her to date and she told me she’ll hillucinate him that we broke up and keep talking to him as they are because obviously he still. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 9:58 am But now it’s become an incredibly silly idea that cannot possibly conform to humans Yes humans are indeed animals — who by nature probably aren’t supposed to be monogamous — but we’re sentient As in we can actually formulate thought and we are aware of everything around us including this bullshit about “” status Now I can understand shouting “” as a way of motivating oneself at the gym picturing themselves as these huge musclebbound dudes So long as that particular “” mentality stays in that kind of context that’s fine You wanna be the best etc But when that mentality is thrown into normal everyday interactions we’re gonna have some issues If they *really* wanna prove they’re “” chances are they’re gonna get arrested at some point for punching a dude and probably end up with a felony assault charge Or something I’m not a lawyer. Scalawag says March 4 2013 at 11:51 am Poor gorillas They get a. This reminds me in some ways of PUA culture without being so y'know offensive. See that's conflating positive attention and negative catcalling women on the street may be giving them attention but it's *negative* attention Same with the guy who constantly badgers the woman on the bus who just wants to read her book and get off at her stop or the woman at the coffee shop who just wants to work on her laptop and enjoy her latte They are in situations where they are actively notlooking for attention and are getting approached by people who don't respect her boundaries or her lack of to equate the two and say that women have no lack of attention is missing the point entirely I wonder if high school feeds into this obsession at all I remember in high school where there were a handful of people who were almost universally lusted Maybe the people who obsess about "ness" haven't realized that we're not in high school anymore LeeEsq says — You seem to think women have it easy Some do Most don't — You seem to think that a guy cannot be successful with women unless he has a conventionally hot body and obvious trappings of wealth As a chubby bastard who drives a squealing rustbucket allow me to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHAno Know what (straight/bi) women generally find attractive? Dudes who share their interests and can speak to/explore them intelligently Dudes who do interesting stuff that they're willing to share Dudes who listen to them and treat them with respect Dudes who are fundamentally happy with who they are who aren't looking to fill some gaping void in their life Dudes who are fun to be around who leave them feeling energized and good about themselves Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 2:05 am Downvoted just because I find it funny now You know Gil if you really believe that social status wins the game you might want to look into how one achieves social status within a group Then you'll get all the upvotes because you'll be -ing the hell out of all. T-Rav says March 5 2013 at 12:15 am So sometime in September I started reading Dr Nerdlove with his "Don't Date Geek Girls" article Looking back at the comments now I notice that Paul Rivers is the only familiar name Anyway it kind of got me thinking that maybe just maybe my "standards" were actually excuses It wasn't a long guelling introspection just a quick mental note There were some other articles we started prepping for our local Halloween parade and casino costume contests Life went on blah blah blah I'm going through archives reareading titles now so I can try and place them with the sequence of events Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:20 pm If MRA is the science PUA is the technology 00Mpal00Mpa says Ap at 12:14 pm ROFLMAO! Cass says Ma at 10:49 am I can't tell you how relieved I am to know that I can quit my job stop working out and eating healthily sell both my car and my motorcycle let all those exhausting friendships I've cultivated coast to an end and quit paying my bills because 1) I'm not a guy and 2) I'm already in a relationship March 6 2013 at 1:22 am OK see the problem is your argument sounds like: "when all men get more status and power they become more attractive to all women." "When all women get more status and power they do not automatically become more attractive to any men." What we're trying to say is that when all men get more status and power (two very nebulous terms to begin with) they become more attractive to some women AND. How would you know? How much time have you spent trying to learn how to put on make up so that it looks natural and not too made up but still covers your flaws and accentuates your best features? How much time have you spent figuring out what clothes within your budget best flatter a fe body? Make up and clothes are easy *if you already have a great face and body* Clothing is especially hard because most clothing is designed for women with model proportions (small waist compared to chest narrow hips) which few actual women have Not to mention it's not as if a woman just has to step outside her house wearing make-up and flattering clothes and guys just fall all over her I've done that many times and not gotten any attention at all We have to work at attracting guys' attention in other. Meyer N Gaines says March 5 2013 at 3:02 am Not sure why people always equate MRAs and PUAs there are quite a few differences between the two from what I understand 1 Unconscious incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong 2 Conscious incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong (When you learn from us) 3 Conscious competence: You can do it correctly but you have to think about it while doing it (When you use our advice) 4 Unconscious competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it (When you have been using our advice for a while) Cheers Dan Joshua Josh. Why does the suggestion that sex should and can be a lot of fun find so much opposition? I like fun I'm only going to get so many years of life I want to enjoy as much of it as I can Ignoring my partner's desires because I'm too nervous to learn about them/too insecure to care about them is a flaw that will directly decrease the amount of enjoyment I get out of life… those are flaws worth overcoming if only in the name of my own selfish pleasure! (Though that's a bit of a lie since overcoming them requires that I think about my partner's pleasure and work actively towards satisfying her desires… maybe I should spend a little less time posting here today and a little more time working. Not going to comment on involuntary celibacy since you know that's a very very different issue eselle28 says But a patriarchal society is not defined by its laws on rape It's defined by whether men hold most of the political economic and social power In North America right now the vast majority of politicians CEOs and other authority positions are held by men The vast majority of the people involved in making laws and passing them are men And when women try for those positions of power themselves they face far more criticism and backlash which enforces the situation In the majority of situations (barring a few exceptions like child custody) if a man and women want opposing things our societal rules and norms mean the man will get it It's not as strict a patriarchy as earlier ones and there are certainly laws that protect women and attempt to make things more equal but it's far from. It doesn’t matter whether he’s a muscle-bound fireman who can down whiskey by the quart or a hundred and twenty pound accountant who plays Pathfinder on the weekends with his buddies… he’s the real man   Martin Jackson says March 4 2013 at 7:16 pm Probably it seems like there are a few common relationship misconceptions that steam from people thinking things are like their where in high school A lower-ranking will usually lean more towards a question or statement that suggests someone else should take the lead For example he might say “I’m bored of this place how about you guys?” and then hope that someone else takes the lead and suggests the next action. This blog is helpful However being is for extroverts only What about introverts? Do introverts stay being either a beta or worse omega ? Can you provide me more tips regarding this issue? Dan Bacon Hi David Thanks for your question Being an does not mean being an extrovert Think of some of the s you’ve met in life; many women will be confident relaxed guys who know they are and don’t have to go around trying to prove it. Marty Farley says March 5 2013 at 9:37 am Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 5:46 pm Is this the definition you're referring to? Gentleman Johnny says March 9 2013 at 4:31 pm Gil says March 5 2013 at 11:01 am Guest says Ma at 3:28 pm Robert says March 6 2013 at 1:45 am Is it bad that when I read "casino costume contests" I imagined you dressed up as a human roulette wheel or a playing card? Scalawag says March 4 2013 at 6:34 pm I was just going to say that Primatology 🙂 I'm not trying to excuse the misogyny that being in this place tends to breed I'm just saying it makes sense to me in a twisted fucked-up you'll-be-so-much-happier-if-you-can-move-on kind of way Marty Farley says Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 4:29 pm Paul if you're going to make broad generalizations about what "feminists" say and do you should probably back them up with some sort of evidence Robert says March 6 2013 at 10:23 am "men pair up with women who are at the same sort of level they are" You say that like it's a bad thing Do you think it's a bad thing? I don't think it's a bad thing I think in terms of how good it is for both parties it is actually the. But the jist of your comments is that you're trying to tell so-called nerds to know their place and stay in it because you oppose social mobility and want a fixed hierarchy Guys like you think you should get to enjoy privileges that you have not earned and not have to worry about competition from "nerds" and/or other men you and much of society considers to be inferior You see yourself as an authority but the trouble is that us nerds just aren't going along. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 9:09 am Granted this is only relevant in the narrow context of cold approach; there are plenty of other social contexts in which this doesn't hold at all Also I have no idea what the "conquering" bit is about To me an interesting woman is one who can hold up her end of a conversation and that's not aggressive or off-putting Tosca says Ma at 9:01 am This makes it even creepier Apparently he wants to stalk you so badly that he'll create as many socks as necessary Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 8:42 pm To the. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 11:36 am Depends on what era of Christian and what era of Muslim What we see today in fundamentalist Islamic treatment of women is far from the only model in the history of the religion However as relates to this thread the difference between (for example) medieval Western and modern Taliban treatment of women is one of degree. Sex positivity isn't about bullying people for not having sex Sex positivity is about making healthy choices in regards to sex and relationships and acknowledging that sex isn't a bad or shameful thing It's about respecting other peoples choices If anything the sex positivity movement is making people feel better about their lack of sex instead of making them feel like there's something wrong. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:06 pm Ma at 9:25 pm No The important caveat is "what she wants" I've been turned down flat for "what (I) want" How do you explain that? "Aberrations"? How convenient It's happened to millions of women over and over I'm not that special Hell it's happened to millions of PEOPLE! We don't always "get what we want" let alone easily Mature people realize this without half-joking about having their preferred gender forced to become their slaves because going to a Meetup is too "fucking inane" Eselle28 says Ma at 4:02 pm Have you checked out the cover of a women's magazine lately? Lose weight! 10 tips to keep your man satisfied in bed! 5 easy new hairstyles! 8 things you should never say on a date! Women face pressures to please others too and they can get just as neurotic about it as the. At least for heterosexual sex I don't think that thats advisible The idea that women control access to heterosexual sex directly relates to the concept of rape that no means no and there is no sex without a women's cosent These guys might be griping about how women aren't giving them sex but at least they aren't doing anything worse yet The idea that women control access to sex is something of a necessarily evil to maintain the social peace to an extent Ma at 4:12 pm That's preying on self-inflicted women's insecurities even women who are already attached A guy's barrier to basic entry and acceptance is much higher than a woman's But you do recognize that there is a socialization aspect too right? I mean there are women who are unable to find sexual partners–don't you think they would also feel that basic primal pain? And yet they seem much less inclined to blame men as a gender for that and instead to believe it is their fault Why would that be the case unless it's partly about how men and women are socialized to. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 12:11 pm Amen to all of this particularly the enthusiastic consent I'll take a solid internet connection and a bit of privacy over "Yeah sure I guess"-sex. I mean in what world is it okay that I have to go out do inane and stupid fucking things that I'd already be doing if I was interested in them in the first place just on the off chance that if I drop that I do it to a girl she'll allow me past her laundry list of barriers to entry This system we have now works to the advantage of the so-called s that the article is attempting to say are a bad thing Except they get the girls so it's not a bad thing And the girls who can't get them are holding out to get something as close to those guys as possible And it's ALL the guy's fault if he's not trying to accomplish all that for them while they sit back and choose Women are completely privileged in They're running the show and we get all the blame if we're not playing the part to their satisfaction And we're the bad guys if we even so much as make a peep about it In no way should this. Tosca says Ma at 8:36 pm You know that women aren't THINGS to be handed out to every man right? That they are human beings with wills thoughts and feelings just like yours? You're basically endorsing outright sex slavery of the fe gender here Everything we teach adds to your understanding of how to be the high status Make sure you’re signed up for the newsletter to get all the free videos audio and PDF reports that we send out via e-mail Sign up here I’m also currently developing a dedicated program about being a powerful Details will be announced via the newsletter soon! Cheers Dan. As I've said elsewhere I also have an Old English major friend who I had coffee with regularly during this time She too was attractive smart and nerdy At one point she was engaged At one point I was but we both acknowledge that something could have happened if the timing had been right So you guys go ahead and burn yourselves out preserving your status so you can get whichever "10" is emotionally vulnerable or trying to use you at the time Have all the sex you want with girls that you want to leave the same night so you don't have to talk to them the next day I won't even argue that your methods produce the results described in this article's comments You probably can get laid every night if you put in the hours every night What I'm saying is YOUR. Maybe *you* are open to having sex at any time of any day with anyone but I'm pretty sure most guys have other things they want to be doing at certain times or standards about who they're going to do it with (like seriously you think every guy in existence will automatically say yes if a woman offers sex even if he's married or in a serious relationship or finds the woman unattractive or knows she's his friend's girlfriend or knows she's underage or he's feeling unwell or etc etc etc.?) Men do get raped by women Saying they don't is hugely offensive to the victims Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 12:35 pm Would it be wrong to start taking bets on how long it takes for this article to get one of these reactions? Gentleman Horndog says And the comment you were agreeing with what Lee was saying wasn't "advisable" was not having men control sex but having sex be seen as something collaborative Again NO ONE is saying that men should control sex either Okay? I feel very sorry for you that you feel only women can give consent Do you really think that all guys are ready for sex all the time and so it's impossible for them to have a "yes" or "no" when the subject comes up? Good sex is when both partners are consenting–and yeah the guy needs to consent too I suspect the guys who spout off those ideas do so because they're selfish and want to feel justified in not controlling their own sexual or caring about what the women they're pursuing want If they can convince themselves it's just "the way men are" then it's not their fault! And since they're selfish they don't really care how those ideas affect all the men who aren't sex crazed monsters Perhaps it was going too far to interpret that as frustration with gender roles – they certainly didn't frame it in terms of sexism or gender roles that part was all my analysis The flavour of the stuff that made me think this seemed fairly typically MRA-ish to me but I haven't spent a huge amount of time in MRA-land so I'll happily concede they might have been anomalous or I might have gotten the wrong tack on them In any case I'm afraid I don't know where I saw this stuff and am not up to subjecting myself to looking for it so no link will. Of course you will STOP That's common sense – basic social understanding But that doesn't necessarily mean you stop the pursuit You are right about the part that she may be conflicted The only way you know if that conflict has been resolved is if you go for the makeout again some time This part about persistence is what is meant by "Don't listen to women – observe what them do" Now if all her physical cues were negative and she says no well you are done No point in persisting Persisting then is tantamount to harassment Robert says March 6 2013 at 12:57 am If that's what men are supposed to be then what the fuck. Deadliftman says March 4 2013 at 3:22 pm Probably because she isn't a person and doesn't follow normal human rules of Alternatively because they don't want her to like them enough to hang around and find out whether or not they have any substance under all the show/game they're displaying they just want her to tolerate them enough that they can achieve their "conquest" and get out of there? Either way it sounds shitty and sad. A lower ranking doubts himself and feels like he isn’t good enough for the types of women he finds attractive His lower ranking thinking causes him to feel fear nervousness or anxiety when he wants to approach a woman that he finds attractive 4 Being picked on Bad boys jerks and assholes almost always look for “easy targets” to pick on so they can feel better about themselves They avoid picking on an because they know that he is much more confident than they are 5 Being overlooked. Eselle28 says Ma at 4:54 pm Do you ever go to the grocery store or the park and actually look at the people around you? There are a lot of ugly people out there and a lot of them are walking around holding hands with other people At least we're responding to what you're actually saying addressing all your arguments and backing up what we're saying examples from history psychological and social theory etc Heck I even backed *you* up earlier in the discussion when you mentioned psychological studies someone else hadn't heard about with a link for proof no less And you're not giving us the same courtesy You're the one quickly shooting down any dissenting comments rather than taking the time to really think about what people are saying to you If it bothers you so much for people to do that I'd recommend. Your utter ignorance of marriage and LTRs is laughable It seems to be informed by sitcoms and shitty comedy sets from the 90s If it wasn't so funny it would be sad. March 5 2013 at 9:43 pm Women being locked out of most jobs couldn't own property couldn't get out a loan in her own name etc persisted into the early 20th century and a very old women alive today will have living memory of it To suggest women were equal except for the vote since the Middle Ages is. I can go along with the idea that a sex positive society is the least worst of all possible sexual systems I can't quite go along with the idea that its the best because I see all sorts of disadvantages to it where some people get to have all sorts of varied and fulfilling sexual encounters and others are left with nothing And I always think that there will be people filled with normal and healthy sexual desires but no chance to makee any of them. Tosca says Ma at 9:28 pm Hey if I were an immortal cyborg who laid golden eggs my life would be different too But because I'm a grown-ass woman I deal with what. Eselle28 says Ma at 9:21 pm Gil says Ma at 2:47 am 30?. Are you saying that you do ask out every woman you run into who appears to be single isn't giving strong leave-me-alone vibes isn't smoking is your height or less and isn't someone you work with? I find it hard to believe that you ask out or even chat up every single woman you see who's not hideous and who doesn't have any characteristics that give you pause which was my whole point If men don't give attention to every woman they would potentially consider datable then there's no reason for them to conclude that just because a woman doesn't give *them* attention she wouldn't consider them if. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 8:41 pm Dude! In what world is it ok that you get to sit around in your underwear making angry posts on the Internet and some girl just drops out of the sky and says "fuck me"? Ron Ritzman says March 5 2013 at 9:41 am It may be that for some of these "bad boys" their insecurity and misogyny doesn't become apparent until one has been in a relationship with them for a while Antisocials can be quite charming cocky and fun to be with when you first. That depends on where you are in Western society and at what time point At certain points in European history women could inherit property Women in the Church could own property of their own right Fe monarchs could also own and inherit land though at points in time if they married they relinquished rights to avoid wars Peasant women could also have "jobs" in the same way peasant men could have "jobs"… a job was not the official thing it is today but usually meant working the farm and selling goods at market which both men and women did in equal measure I'm currently reading a history of Marie Antionette and there are references to "fish wives" routinely partitioning her and the king relating to the selling. It’s an appealing idea in many ways; it provides the gloss of an appeal to nature- it nicely coincides with the macro perception of human sexual interaction and provides justification for promiscuous and an explanation for hypergamous fes Too bad it’s also bullshit. Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds. Real life isn't like this Attractive people tend to date other attractive people People also tend to date and marry in their own socio-economic class LeeEsq says @schwererreiter says Aug at 8:12 am some people may justify the claim about the by using evo psych and you did a good job in your article debunking that but I hope we agree on that a claim should be justified by empirical evidence Oh for fucks sake! Humans have 85% DNA in common with zebra fish but no one tries to use zebra fish to explain human If you're going to use wildlife terms like and beta s though you should probably at least try to use them in a way consistent with how the since you're bastardizing uses them. Matty C says March 4 2013 at 9:31 pm Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:06 pm Isn't PUA sexually socialist? All the programs promise that if you toe the party line you'll get your fair share of sex Like Soviet Socialism it appeals mainly to those who feel like they're not getting what they deserve Orv says March 5 2013 at 11:24 am Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:52 am "resulted in the end of our relationship" Apparently I can't. Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 3:09 pm Oldbrownsquirrel says March 8 2013 at 10:45 pm Be careful what you wish for: /article … No it was responding to a distinct disadvantage at that point in time It was also in a completely different country than most of "Western" civilization and combating a completely different set of morals My ultimate point is that you can't possibly paint history as so black and white… you *could* have a point in saying women were controlled if you talk exclusively about the United States 1779-1970 Rebecca says March 4 2013 at 5:24 pm Excellent post I really enjoy your writing style. Fantastic article! I am fully prepared for responses: /img/17og069hdgs3ogif/… The Red Pill/MGTOW movement in particular fascinates and confuses me I sort of understand it-it's essentially a twist on the "When you stop looking you'll find it"/"Find other good things in your life besides needing a relationship." The twist of course is that when I've seen it invoked it's been by guys who are clearly angry bitter upset and deeply hateful towards women Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 10:58 pm Beth says March 4 2013 at 10:10 am Oh okay sorry! The commenting system makes it hard to tell who is responding to what Disregard 🙂 Understandably this is a huge turn off for good guys If you’re a good guy you most-likely don’t want to have to become a bad guy to make women feel attracted to you and make men respect you The good news is that you don’t have to become a bad guy Yes there are some “bad boy s” out there but those guys are the minority The majority of s are “good guy s” and that is what we provide advice on here at The Modern Man You Don’t Have to Be the One and Only in a Group In tribal times there would be one amongst a small group of men and women He would have to be the most dominant and would often have to fight to maintain his dominance. Best muscle building workouts The Toxic diet-pills says: Aug at 1:03 am diet-pills In that case what's usually called for is an examination of the Things I Want list and whether a good sex life shouldn't be ranked a little higher on it Desperation is a harder situation and I suspect that's what's being discussed here It's hard to reject an unsatisfactory relationship when you're not entirely sure you'll be able to find another one or another one that's any better That being said there is still a choice People have the option to wait it out and see if they can locate more compatible people rather than locking themselves up in relationships with people they know don't meet. I think what you mean to say is guys need to do all this work to appeal to the particularly hot women who get tons of guys chasing them and have developed superficial tastes Which shockingly as with men is only a small proportion of the population So who now is only chasing a small proportion of the opposite sex while ignoring all those who don't quite fit their criteria? Orv says March 4 2013 at 10:08 am Why shouldn't he ignore that reality? The point of this blog is not "Bang as many hot chicks as possible." It's much more geared towards finding emotionally mature non-exploitive sexual relationships — and an approach directed at "emotionally-fucked-up" women "yearning for some emotional drama in their boring lives" runs DIRECTLY counter to that Yes a fundamentally flawed but assertive approach is better than wallowing in Nice Guy self-pity; as a former PUA himself I suspect the Doc would agree with you there But better still is an approach that doesn't weed-out partners lacking exploitable emotional issues and that doesn't leave you with a crapload of misogynist attitudes you'll later have to invest time and energy unlearning — assuming you. Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds. It's sad that you think those four factors make someone a dud Tons of guys have very good reasons for living at home in their twenties that have nothing to do with their character If you live in a city with extensive public transit you don't need a car or a license Being buff is far from the only way you can look attractive to women (consider all the more slender Hollywood actors who still get swooned over) And given that I'm shy and reserved myself like a large percentage of women I'd much rather be with someone who's similar than someone who's going to want me to go out to social events I'll find exhausting every other day None of those factors even played into my attraction to him (other than his being on the reserved side being. Women are more attracted to s than any other type of (i.e beta omega ) Why? For most of human history it has been smarter for a woman to pair up with a guy who has qualities rather than being with a guy who is going to get pushed around or taken advantage of. And to be fair when I was much younger and stupider I said to the woman I was "until you change your mind on that you're not getting any," and a week or so when she realized I was in fact serious she changed her ways Caveat: The whole delivering a shitty ultimatum thing undermined the trust we'd previously had created a ton of negativity and ultimately related in the end of our relationship which should illustrate why it's a stupid idea for EITHER PARTNER to threaten to withhold sex Fakely mctest says March 5 2013 at 9:57 am As long as I can fill out my socialist sex forms with an appropriately sexy color of ink I'm cool I'll just bring a book or something Edit: please note I'm really only replying so frequently because I want to see if this article can make it to the "most commented" sidebar before Elementary airs on the west coast eselle28 says Ma at 9:31 pm No kidding I actually know a woman who's kind of like this She isn't very invested in her work she doesn't have any real interests except for Facebook and television (and even with TV she doesn't watch things very passionately and mostly just flips to whatever's on) and her main topics of conversation are celebrity gossip and complaints about bad dates and one-sided crushes Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 9:57 am Er you obviously didn't read the link I provided We're not talking about 60 years ago North America has a rape culture *right now* Tosca says Ma at 6:44 pm Ok I choose you big boy How about it? YOU HAVE NO SAY I HAVE CHOSEN IT. Gil says March 6 2013 at 11:08 am Because she's immediately assuming an overbearing patriarchy and rape culture if you disagree with her Her links also have that conspiracy feel about as if all men are out to get women However a lot have made snarky asusmptions and straw man assertions so I don't feel there's a huge standard here You acknowledge that Doc is advocating a mature view of the process but seem resigned that most PUA's are too immature to realize why they're wrong and I think that the point of this post is that WE SHOULDN'T SETTLE FOR THAT If I want to see my fellow young adult men having the best sex possible then I want them to learn the error of their ways as young as possible so that they can have better sex Another blogger had a great post about this too that I'll try and hunt up and link. While the manosphere uses "beta" to describe men who are wimps pushovers and doormats ("mangina" is the word they like to use) in many animal groups the beta is "second in command" and is next in line to become the new if something were to happen to the current one In other words they aren't pushovers The /beta model used by the manosphere has more in common with Aldous Huxley's Brave New World then it does with ethology However I still sometimes use the model and I describe myself as a beta using some of the more lenient definitions and you know something I'm proud of it even if it means I don't get to shag 1000 women a year (or pretend to do so) It still would be nice to develop a few traits while still staying true to who. Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 9:42 am Blamed for what? Being a fucking ADULT? This has nothing to do with being a man Johnny is right on the money here If you have a terrible attitude about trying new things and meeting new people why SHOULD anyone be interested in you? If you think ALL women are shallow laundry-list,waving bitches why should they ever talk to you? You bring nothing to any adult table but petulant entitlement and arrogance You want the universe to deliver fresh hot poontang to your door without you having to do thing ONE? Nothing works. The only one you're kind of right on is social skills and you can shortcut half of that by being genuinely interested in other people Learning how to do it a matter of months Finding the best combination may take more time but the basics can already go far. Welcome to The Modern Man! My name is Dan Bacon and I used to be hopeless with women I lacked confidence in myself and couldn't get women to like me Despite being a good honest guy women just weren't interested Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 11:25 am Musicians actors and athletes get attention from women because there's something special about them They're extraordinarily attractive talented etc But funny thing fe celebrities also get much more attention than the average woman and yet no one seems to think that this is because they're "high status" and men like women who are dominant in their social circles Do you really think that all musicians actors and athletes have the dominant aloof personalities PUA artists claim make someone ""? I see many friendly humble celebrities who say kind and not at all negging things to women are comfortable making fun of themselves etc and those celebrities get just as much if not more attention than the dominant. Tosca says Ma at 6:49 pm Plus it's sexist as FUCK to claim that women don't need to be interesting people* with any accomplishments goals or interests He boils us all down to looks alone and claims it's "easy" to be good looking Never mind that your looks is pretty much mostly genetically determined Also PUAs tend to ply their trade in social settings where things like dominance and apparent status are more likely to appeal like clubs and bars where women go expecting to be approached by total strangers who'll try to hit on them I suspect a PUA would have an even lower success rate if he tried his techniques picking up women at a SF convention or a book club or a park The majority of women don't hang out in bars and clubs on a regular basis so PUA are already only focusing on a small percentage of the women out there "I want to be Is that a bad thing?" I actually made a conscious effort not to make it gender-specific I am a guy and you may have read gendered implications into how I described my experiences but I think many of those generalize to women; specifically I don't expect that introverted women will necessarily be happy in relationships with extroverted men Granted this lends some support to your earlier characterization that women are "getting attention just not from the guys they want it from," but I'm applying it in a narrow context rather than as a broad generalization I'm sure that there are plenty of introverted women who would happily date introverted guys; it's the mechanics of meeting that are so much trickier. On the other hand what's up with the sexual socialist crap? It's quite clear that humanity has been polygynous – one many fes This is obvious from the fact that humans are sexual dimorphic men are larger and stronger than women and resourceful men are attractive whereas resourceful women are not There's a hint of wishful thinking here in which a dorky guy can and ought to score with any hot woman because he is of good character and that's what women should really want Women by the same token should then argue that men should be equally attracted to middle-aged frumpy women past their sexual prime because desiring a voluptuous young woman is caveman thinking and has no place in the modern world where physical traits shouldn't mean. March 6 2013 at 12:20 am I'd like to specifically note that in the U.S the social consequences for a woman who brings an accusation against her rapist can end up being far more severe than the legal consequences (if any) that her rapist faces Especially if she wasn't a virgin who dressed like a nun and never did or said anything indicating that she might have had so much as a thought about sex in. Also has anyone ever mentioned that the way you pepper your articles with hyperlinks makes reading one irritatingly like reading Wikipedia or Cracked or TVTropes? And by that I mean I already have two more tabs open and I'm consigned to spending at least one more hour of my life learning about women and and how to be a more interesting man I was going to go towards a complaint with this but I'm no longer sure what the problem was Swell tale but about the PUA diss: the goal does not suck How they go about it(targeting vulnerable peeps) and what they do it for(self-esteem/bragging rights) is what sucks A person can be as promiscuous as he/she desires provided the whole safe honest consensual jig is done You probably already agree with this sentiment but the diss had a bit of an undercurrent of 'one-night stands being cheaper than what I have' to it. March 6 2013 at 11:18 am That's a fair cop actually I don't have much direct exposure to PUA/MRA thinking; it tends to either be second-hand or come from advocates popping up in the comment section of sites like this one So yeah maybe they really ARE bastions of healthy challenging self-actualization and deep egalitarian insight into the fe mind You're right I wouldn't know But I've heard damned little to make me think that's possible or that those sites are worthy of any of. Mel_ says Ma at 10:42 pm My name is Dan Bacon and I'm a and relationship expert I know the secret to attracting and picking up women for sex and relationships which has allowed me to enjoy my choice of women for many years Watch this free training and I will share the secret. Mel_ says Ma at 1:32 pm Eselle28 says Ma at 5:55 pm Yeah there's the potential for problems (understatement) But there doesn't have to be I support an ideology of sex-nonjudgementalism where people accept a variety of sexual desires and as long as everything's consensual nobody is judged for their sexuality or lack thereof however it expresses itself No one gets slut-shamed but at the same time no one gets prude-shamed This ideology is pretty much in line with and/or complementary with what a lot of sex-positive people want or at least pay lip service to Hi Dan I want to thank you for all your articles for they’re really of great help You guys are doin a really great job for helping out Thanks to you! Dan it’s about the “ ” stuff of which I find a little bit confusing somewhat I was wondering if you can simply list what an “ ” is all about I can see that confidence seems to come 1st in every aspect I’ld really be more appreciative if you do that Thanks Dan Bacon Hi Carlid Thanks for your positive feedback and question. Beth says March 4 2013 at 11:58 am Omg lol "sexual socialist" March 5 2013 at 4:39 am Believe or not Western society was rather like some Muslim societies today until the 20th century Go back a few generations and Western women couldn't get most jobs couldn't own property couldn't get out a loan in their own. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 9:31 pm The funny thing is if it did exist the same people who say its easy for women wouldn't want to be in it because the women who pick them might not be subservient wealthy supermodels Orv says March 5 2013 at 9:51 am "Men can never withhold sex from a woman to change her " Fakely mctest says March 5 2013 at 8:06 pm I thought it was at your place I mean that's what the fliers said 😀 As to PUA's success with women do you have any data on this? PUAs are primarily successful because they approach *tons* of women and move on to the next as soon as they can tell their techniques aren't working on one Yes if you go up to 20 women a night it's not surprising that one might be into you That hardly means that "most" women like those techniques I doubt you can find a single PUA who's able to pick up anywhere close to half of the women he tries to chat up Which means that the majority of women *aren't* attracted to that approach in and of itself Big muscle The Toxic Alpha Male About Dr NerdLove: Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes Making nerds sexier. Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 5:29 pm "[I]t's not as if a woman just has to step outside her house wearing make-up and flattering clothes and guys just fall all over her." Frog says March 4 2013 at 3:41 pm I find that most leaders fit the ideal pretty accurately: 1 – they give lots or no emotional value (in both cases elevating themselves to a position above the (non)receiver 2 – rigid about their morals 3 – competitive or goal oriented 4 – dont show weakness (for example dont laugh at your jokes (but not in a bad way – just to show that they arent giving you any "compliance signs" or whatever you want to call it)) for some reason this personality model is what gives someone the status of leader and surely it must mean at least something? A Third Guest says Ma at 4:30 pm fucking whichever They're all the same pool of men and the ones who are having trouble finding dates are the ones who are holding out for someone from. @sarahjesness says at 4:41 am Tosca says March 5 2013 at 2:18 pm Can I. Gil says March 5 2013 at 9:53 pm Or to put it another way power and status makes a guy more sexually appealing to women but not vice versa It's quite probable some men only went down that path to be more sexually attractive whereas women would only go down such a path for personal fulfillment March 7 2013 at 8:24 am True I shouldn't make assumptions Apologies I suppose Gil can take heart then that the "bias" in voting goes both ways rather than just against dissenters You can get your makeup done at some salon- get style tips from the many clothes shops for women Men can't get their social barometers adjusted in a salon and can't simply get a few tips and openers on how to get a date from some store clerk- it is difficult for men- it takes a considerable investment to be able to fully learn how to navigate the annals of socal graces etc etc DNL consistantly makes the point about how much gargantuan work we must do just to get a wide social circle do interesting activities just to get one measly date(which you end up paying for) work your ass of to ace it and hope to get a second one only to wind up with some trite saying that the first 10000 rejections dont count – so your comparison is erronous and laughable rather like a community college student claming to be doing advanced doctorate work Setting up a model where men are seen as constantly pushing for sex and women are seen as deciding who to admit and reject encourages men to keep pushing and to accept a grudging "yes" or a sad "mmm" or a passed out silence as consent It gives women the responsibility to constantly be on guard against doing anything men might see as accepting sex even if it means severely restricting their It makes it harder for either gender to interact in a non-combative way And it removes the burden from men to make sure that their partners are enthusiastic and genuinely welcome sex Dr_Nerdlove says Ma at 3:15 pm The sex tips are also frequently either stupid outdated or in many cases PHYSICALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 12:39 pm I sometimes wonder if guys who like to pound on the "men are sex crazed monsters" drum realize how dismal of a picture they're painting of men or at least of men who agree with. Ma at 7:09 pm I'm inclined to give ATG the benefit of the doubt and assume that "this kind of work" mostly means the actual process of approaching and asking people out ("fail fail again fail some more" in GJ's words) which doesn't come easy for everyone and isn't expected of women and that he's not talking about the work that goes into "be[ing] interesting." I recognize that I may well be mistaken in this reading Brittersweet says March 4 2013 at 10:11 pm Hmm This -Beta soup has been heated and stirred but still hasn't come to a boil just yet *crickets chirp* Being an simply means that you expect to be respected you expect that women will like you and want to be with you and you expect that you will win or succeed at whatever you do Having that type of default expectation allows you to feel confident and go what you want without fear The confidence of an is irresistibly attractive to women because life is challenging and throughout human history and still to this day it has almost always been better for a woman to align herself with a stronger minded man than a weaker minded one Being an is Not About Being an Asshole Guys who aren’t usually assume that to be an they will have to stop being nice to people They will have to be like those jerks assholes or bad boys they’ve come across so far. These days I feel like a boy toy and i’m very emotional it’s very overwhelming she told me that i’m a god in bed I make her have pleasure lot of times Even though her friends know about us and not her ex I feel she’s just using me because her “ex” is abroad and they only Skype One time she even called him on Skype in front of me to say good night wards she hugged me saying sorry baby it’s just that he become so doubftul sometimes so i needed to call him to say goodnight so he’d think i’m sleeping now And now it’s like she’s loosing interest she never texts me back I asked her to come see her she said i’ll reply if u can come and she didn’t reply and finally she talks sort of mean to me Please tell me people what do you think about this situation? I’m starting to fall for her a lot and it’s the first time it happens. Fakely mctest says March 5 2013 at 7:10 pm Only if you invite me We can carpool and my car gets great mileage c: Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 11:18 am “i know I’m using too much time asking these detailed questions when I should actually be using this time going through your products and getting experiences in real life.” Yes that is all you need to do You wouldn’t be asking me these questions if you actually watched my programs and used the advice As a friend I am telling you in a loving caring way “Knut stop being weird about it all Just watch the programs experience the transformations use the advice get the positive results and then take it. And the assumption that men have never been raped by women is quite frankly bullshit It certainly does not happen on the same scale as men raping women but good lord your assertions bear no resemblance to reality. Fakely mctest says March 5 2013 at 7:09 pm Polygamy? When faced with a choice a woman will almost always choose an over a beta or other lower-ranking Why? The ’s confidence and masculinity are sexually attractive to her These days most women don’t desperately need a man to provide them with food shelter and protection because they can earn their own money and be protected by the police government and media So women now choose guys based on sexual attraction. What you are advocating is a more mature view of the mating process and I bet it will take some years before a wannabe PUA realizes the limitations of his ways – in terms of the quality of women he ends up with and the type of relationships he has Even then I see all this as simply a case of mis-calibration and over-compensation and dare I say this is still better than someone who is not doing anything for improving his skills. Why waste time on those things when you can use the magic cheat codes all the many many skinny or chubby averagely-social-skilled car-less guys in relationships out there use? Surely there must be cheat codes or how else are those kinds of guys getting girls? I mean there are even unemployed guys in relationships! It can only be cheat codes! Also do you really imagine that the majority of women don't have to have social skills or be able to support themselves? While looks money and height can attract women they are less attractive than a true The number one thing women respond to is how much of an a guy is around her and people in general If he displays the traits of an most of the work is done and she is ready to be his All he has to do is talk to her and guide her from a conversation to kiss to sex and into a relationship Regardless of the culture or country men who don’t display traits always find it difficult to attract and maintain the interest of women They also find that other s don’t show them much respect in social situations If you are currently not an you CAN learn how to become an very quickly and easily. March 5 2013 at 3:25 pm The problem I have with "Choice B" is that it's most commonly self-inflicted There are a limited number of ways a person finds himself in choice B Option 1: he entered a relationship with a woman and never bothered to have any discussion about their relative sex drives/ ignored their disparate sex drives early on in which case it's pretty squarely his own fault for not bothering to hammer that out in the early stages of the relationship or staying in a relationship where he wasn't happy at the outset Guest says Ma at 8:21 pm 1 to. That's fascinating I'd been aware that pregnancy wasn't such a big deal if the couple was considered suitable for each other and married but I hadn't been aware that annulments were so common (interesting that our parish's priest sighed so much over them as a modern indulgence and discouraged d couples from getting them) It sounds like people are looking at things through rose colored glasses or maybe just focusing excessively on upper and upper middle class people in. Again there are roughly similar numbers of men and women with women being a slight majority The only possible answer to this that still supports the theory that men have a much harder time finding dates than women do is that all of the women are the same handful of men That certainly doesn't line up with my observations but even if it did that's not something most women find to be a satisfactory state of affairs Dr_Nerdlove says March 6 2013 at 11:54 am If there was a magic way to send messages to yourself in the past I would totally give fifteen-year-old self time-traveling broadband a laptop and. Guest says March 6 2013 at 12:40 am Did you pay for. Tosca says March 5 2013 at 2:08 pm I think he lives in a sitcom or a shitty wacky sex comedy Tangent: The saddest breakup I ever had was one where my partner and I got along wonderfully but just did not enjoy sex with each other at all Our interests/preferences/etc just did not remotely line up and it just undermined all the positive aspects of the relationship until we had a pretty contentious breakup Briznecko says Ma at 10:58 am If you replace sex with some other interpersonal need like friendship I think the analysis is basically the same Some people can't make friends at all and other people struggle with a series of unhappy unfulfilling friendships But it's not going to make things any better to attach shame to all kinds of friendship but a very particular one or to make talk of friendship so taboo that people have difficulty discussing problems with their friends or strategies for meeting new people At best it would be a misery loves company situation where those who have trouble making friends might take some comfort in knowing most other people were also quite lonely – though since friendship wouldn't be discussed often the friendless might instead assume that everyone else was happy with the state of affairs Gentleman Horndog says Ma at 2:32 pm *sniff* It's so tragic when the hammer falls upon a young troll Poor little guy I'm gonna miss his… …erm… …give me a moment here I had something… Gil says Ma at 11:24 am This has not been my experience for myself (I started the guy I ended up marrying when we were in our early twenties; he still lived at home didn't even have a driver's license wasn't particularly buff and on the shy/reserved side socially but I never felt I was "settling") or the women I know Maybe some women you know are like that but you shouldn't generalize from them to "women" as an entire group Also to reiterate another person's question: are you actually talking about your own life and your own personal experience? Because you make a lot of general statements but have never actually talked about anything as you've personally experience it Gentleman Johnny says Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 9:55 pm That too A few are so egregious that I just don;t have words for the particular part of the Twilight Zone they. Which of those two guys are you more like at the moment? If you’re like the first guy you probably don’t experience much success with women and right? You probably get rejected by most women you talk to feel nervous or shy in social situations and wish that you could just be more confident If you’re more like the second guy (the ) women probably hit on you all the time and you find it easy to pick up women pull one night stands and enjoy happy passionate relationships with beautiful women of your choosing 3 Take the Lead Imagine that you’re at a bar with women/friends and it feels like time to change venues and so something different An would say something like: “Okay let’s finish our drinks and go somewhere else You guys want to go to xyz bar instead?” Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 11:58 am Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 10:15 pm That sounds like a PUA seminar I'm gonna run out and trademark "Sexual Moore's Law Double your power every 18 months!" Dan How do you get over wasted time? Ive known you can improve your success with women for almost 4 years now but have been held back by fear I’ve known about your website for about two years bought the flow around this time but done nothing bascially trying to do anything to get a gf lay date without approaching I look back at my youth with pain missed out on everything I am 26 so not so still a young man but I cant help feeling regrets especially its not as painful the years I didnt know any better because well i didnt know any better but last couple of years looking back i feel like shit and i am annoyed at myself for not even trying Do you look back at your early years with regret or now that have you become more successful in life you no longer look back in anger? I would be interested to hear how you view your past I have a feeling I know what your going to say to me but would be interested in hearing about your journey. March 4 2013 at 2:46 pm Eh probably because while adorable orangutans aren't generally used as human analogs in these sorts of discussions Hell I've seen WOLVES used as human analogs more than I've seen orangutans! You're cherry picking your examples How about the teacher who had a baby with her 16 year old student Was he just so wait for it that she couldn't resist or is it more likely that she seduced him? I'm not going to get into a matching game but there are plenty of women examples Have you ever risked your career to have sex? If not then you clearly have some control over yourself Why is it that you do but others don't? Honestly a man who can't say no isn't a stud He has a life-wrecking psychological condition called (if memory serves) satyromania This is not a. Gil you've leveled some pretty offensive accusations at me made random assumptions about who I am brought me up in conversations I wasn't even a part of and now you're attributing comments to me that I didn't even say (and when the person who said them is right there in front of you) I don't know why you're specifically focused on me when there are lots of other commenters here who've also quite vehemently disagreed with you but please consider that this fixation getting a little creepy Mras just hang around internet forums and bitch about how women want nothing more than to screw men over through theft/false rape charges/social engineering/etc And they raise some valid points though most of it is drowned out by the hate PUAs don't care about any of that they just hang around internet forums and talk about going to clubs and hitting. If he makes mistakes he accepts that and doesn’t need to hide it He knows that no-one is perfect and that as long as he believes in himself and keeps pushing forward to his dreams in life he will achieve what he wants get what he wants and be an inspiration to those around him The Effect Have you ever noticed that women always seem to find the more confident men the most attractive especially in group situations? You may have seen beautiful women hooking up with being in relationships with and even marrying “ugly” or overweight men who also happen to be confident and That is not a coincidence. Sexual mores depend on when where and who you were Modern research is demonstrating more and more that society didn't frown on premarital sex exactly… They frowned on premarital sex that wasn't followed by a wedding And even that frowning depended on what class you were Before the rise of the Protestant reformation peasants and the working class received annulments from the church all the time It was less common among the wealthy only because an annulment would call into question the paternity of the couple's children which would make inheritance difficult But if you had no property to hand over to your kids a lot of medieval people really didn't worry too much about sexual mores Frankly the working class lived pretty similar to how we. Cheers Dan James Another consequence of being the low – lowest ranking is that (I found anyway) people would expect your future girlfriend or one night stand to be very unattractive/overweight or would say comments along the lines of “You’d never get her” when talking about an attractive women even though you could be better looking than the guys saying that! Having previously lived a life like that I’m glad it’s in the past It sure did suck Just thought I’d add my. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:00 pm "Crazy social" isn't some magic bullet Its a skill that takes work You can be crazy social too if you're willing to man up take responsibility for your own life put yourself out there fail fail again fail some more and learn. Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:26 am You're the one who's been insisting that people are like primates Everyone else is saying that you can't make assumptions about human based on what some other animal no matter how genetically related does Enail says March 9 2013 at 5:58 pm This was actually kind. […] idea that you need to be rich ”” or otherwise “high-status” is equal parts a sense of personal inadequacy and intellectual […] I spend 5 hours explaining it and providing examples techniques mindsets and methods in Power So it’s not something that I will spend another 5-10 hours writing up in a comment! 🙂 However here is another one of my articles you will find helpful: How to Become an Cheers Dan And have you ever looked for women's advice? Believe me there are hundreds of sites for that too You wanted data? When I do a google search for women's advice I get over a billion results whereas a search for men's advice turns up only about 1/20 as many (1.2 billion vs 57 million to be exact And easily reproducible if you want to check) You're not really in a position to complain about me not having data (and by the way the statement I made was "there are women who are unable to find sexual partners"–I didn't say how many! I just said they exist Do you deny this fact? Because there were fe virgins commenting on the virgin article who'd disagree with you) when you turn to made-up statistics and easily disprovable generalizations to try to make. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 8:57 am Even if the techniques were identical and I don't concede that they are there's a big difference between PUA's attitude of "do anything legal to get what you want" and DNL's attitude of "these thing will make it easier to find a person who genuinely wants to have sex that you can both enjoy." There's a difference between "all men want this all women want that Here's how you can apperar to provide that so you can get this" and "men and women are unique people with unique preferences and interests Its important to keep that in mind." Intent count Gil says Ma at 11:18 pm Which one? Or Mel_'s wrong inference? Oh yeah sorry I read it as "1 in 3 odds" Every relationship that doesn't end in death ends in breakup My real point was that this isn't a fluke If something does happen I'll be broken up I'll heal and I'll go find someone else who's mutually interested Maybe I'll be sleeping with several people non-exclusively next (I have been in this position before) Maybe I'll take a year or two off of The selfish and thoughtless actions of one person aren't going to convince me that all people are selfish and thoughtless (been in that position too) I'll also keep reading DNL because his articles are a great check against some of my youthful instincts He's articulated things I didn't have words for reminded me that I'm doing things when I should have known better even taught me a thing. Tosca says Ma at 6:12 am Are you 12? You are aren't you I know the thought of your parents getting it on is gross isn't it kiddo? But that's just life! It's okay Let me microwave you a burrito while you dry. Speaking as a woman who has been not-attractive* showing interest in guys I liked only got me laughed at with some very special exceptions (like my husband) When these guys completely erase our experiences they're doing more than just being assholes They are shutting off potential understanding and commiseration Dudes we KNOW how it feels! We should be allies in this *not-attractive as in unpopular bullied gawky ugly duckling in my youth as well as various periods of being fat in my adulthood I have also been "attractive" but I still can't touch "club-girl" or "model" attractive Another Guest says Ma at 8:40 am "The West" =/= "The Human Race." Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:18 pm You're right Gil there certainly aren't any men who are attracted to women in positions. Gil says March 4 2013 at 7:54 pm Better Than a Bad Boy is about being the type of man that women desperately want to be with That man is what they refer to as a real man In the program I teach you how to be that guy when approaching women talking to women kissing women having sex with women and being in a relationship with a woman Power is about how to be an It’s about the inner workings of the mind of an the body language and Although the two programs might seem similar from the outside when you watch them you will see that they both cover completely different topics Simply put when have men been compelled by women to have sex let alone get raped by women? Since when have woman engaged is sexual so stupid that it cost them their career or sent them to jail? It's very rare for women but a dime in a dozen for men Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary with a younger woman? Not really surprising If Hillary Clinton were to have cheated on Bill Clinton and ruined her career instead? Quite surprising Of course women consent – because men are always doing the asking (they're always in a perma-consent mode) Hence it's morally abhorrent for a man to engage in sexual activities against her consent you know rape. Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 1:55 pm Some of the many negative consequences of living your life as a lower-ranking are: 1 Not being attractive enough for most women Women are more attracted to s than any other type of (e.g beta omega ) It’s just how nature works. My problem with this rather fascinating girl is I do not know if she is not interested in more than sex or if she is playing hard to get big time Normally I would’ve let this go but taking into consideration there aren’t a lot of alternatives at this 100 people campus and this girl being absolutely stunning with a nice personality and a good heart I’m not going to let it go. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 6:43 pm In other words: WHY are so many Heterosexual women getting into relationships with insecure/submissive beta-s if those Heterosexual women are biologically wired to ONLY be Sexually Attracted to confident -s? Are those Heterosexual women really settling for a beta- that is just “good enough” or are those Heterosexual women really enjoying their relationship with a beta-? (I mean “enjoying” as in the Heterosexual woman actually PREFERS a beta- over an -.) This is a lot of text so let me know if what I wrote sounds confusing or is hard to understand precisely And up front: Thank you for answering Dan! Hi Josh Thanks for your question Mate you asked it so well that I almost want to sit here and teach you in my reply! However that sort of advice is reserved for my customers only The Confidence Building System that we teach in Power took was tested for YEARS on ourselves and with the 100s of clients that we taught for the 3 years prior to recording Power Orv says March 5 2013 at 7:55 pm Hi Dan This is a great article but am I wrong to think that an is actually more insecure than some-one who is comfortable in his own skin and does not constantly feel the need to dominate every social situation? Behind that social “confidence” of some-one who has to be the dominant ape is a lot of insecurity and self doubt that is being over-compensated for Peter Dan Bacon Hi Peter Thanks for your question. Mel_ says Ma at 2:13 pm I know I’m using too much time asking these detailed questions when I should actually be using this time going through your products and getting experiences in real life So I just wanted to tell you the reason why I haven’t done so much of that yet… I wanted you to know that because I imagine it’s frustrating for you to have to answer these “in-detail” and possibly unnecessary questions of mine But anyway I thank you for doing it Dan Bacon Hi Knut Thanks for your questions. Joy says Ma at 9:08 pm Wait we get to "just sit back and choose"? Is there a catalog of some sort? I didn't get one! Where's my Eligible Men Catalog? It’s an idea with appeal2: it is easy to apply in the macro view – submissive needy men aren’t terribly appealing to the majority of women all – and offers a one-size-fits-all solution to sex and Want more women? Just be more “” and they’ll come flocking to your door like mice to peanut butter.

Kelly F says March 4 2013 at 7:27 pm 00Mpal00Mpa says Ap at 12:25 pm OMFG you are TOTALLY right! Everyday Feminist discusses the bad boy phenomenon talks about how society encourages this to the *detriment* of men and encourages people to teach boys it's okay to cry and women to question whether their partners are truly acting appropriately rather than assuming it's just "boys being boys" The author clearly doesn't think macho is good or shows of weakness bad /2012/12/but-why-do-so… Tosca says Ma at 7:14 pm I'm the same way OBS You aren't alone A lot of our understanding of gender history comes from the upper class (because the rich and the victors write history) which was not reflective for nearly 3/4ths of a population It wasn't even that black and white among the wealthy Western History (which is a huge freaking expanse depending on how you're using it) is incredibly nuanced Yes guys who feel the need to go around impressing people by trying dominate social situations are NOT s They are beta s In Power I explain that you do NOT need to “be the most ” in every situation to be considered an and receive all the benefits that come with such recognition Most guys do not understand what is required to be an and end up making assumptions based on the bad boy s they see You are also correct that when a person behaves like that it actually means they are insecure If you want to learn how to behave like a truly confident watch Power Cheers Dan Eselle28 says Ma at 4:25 pm It also doesn't square up very well with the fact that despite the huge focus on women's appearance on both a social and a personal level there are still a lot of women who aren't particularly well-made up or well-dressed If it were easy to do these things wouldn't more people succeed. Marty Farley says March 4 2013 at 10:02 am Each man will have a (at least slightly) different definition of "beautiful women" and "dregs of womanhood" while each woman will have a (at least slightly) different definition of "dregs of manhood" Despite what society perpetuates there is no one beauty standard to rule them all So OK men don't learn intensively on how to pick up ugly women specifically but depending on what they consider to be beautiful women they might end up picking up what most men would consider to be an ugly woman but this man considers to be a beautiful one The attractive woman with a cigarette dangling? Sure I consider her *attractive* enough to date but I'd just as soon not date a smoker The attractive woman who's six inches taller than I am when she's wearing flats? Sure I consider her attractive enough to date but I expect to get shot down by her In this context I'll concede that I may have issues here… but it's not that I don't consider her *attractive* There are plenty of reasons men don't ask out women It's not simply that we don't consider them *attractive* We focus on women whom we consider attractive available and realistically attainable That tends to narrow down the field a *lot* Trooper6 says March 5 2013 at 10:54 am Thanks Orv! You'd definitely be someone I'd like to have join in a awesome DNL meetup! Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:11 pm When was last time a man said to woman "until you change you way you're not getting any" and the woman was like "oh sh-"? Wow Gil way to say "men are always horny and can't control themselves" in different words A Third Guest says Ma at 6:20 pm Nope but that age makes me wonder a few things that younger doesn't March 5 2013 at 2:32 pm I blame the show "Survivor" I watch it like a nature show because its was geared with mad genius to turn a group of 20 people into cutthroat competition for biggest primate on the island Try it sometime doing your own soft spoken nature documentary voice over with the. It's also amusing to note the people who insist that everyone's views are in lockstep and dissenting opinions aren't allowed are saying it's because people don't agree with because I delete their comments or ban them from saying anything but because they're not deluged with “YOU'RE SO RIGHT!”It's one more reason why I despair for the fate of reasoned discussion on the Internet Because of the insistence of not getting all the ass-pats has become the mark of a closed-loop board Orv says March 6 2013 at 1:57 pm Yes but within each group if one or more guys are trying to be the isn't that likely to cause tension? How do you establish yourself as higher status and of higher value than your friends without believing you're better than them which isn't really a healthy attitude in a good friendship? "TO be completely honest most of the men I've met or seen who are successful with women do tend to be '''' Why else would high status people like musicians actors and athletes get so much more attention from women? Why would these pickup artists be so successful with women if they didn't find their confident funny cocky personas charming?" Mel_ says Ma at 5:38 pm Or maybe you're just wrong Any asshole can get a girl to have sex with if his standards are broad enough Any Nice Guy can shit talk women It takes a real man to put the work into building a real relationship You don't see many prominent fe politicians caught having affairs because there aren't that many prominent fe politicians and those who do make it to that level are unusually focused and driven If you look at areas where women are better-represented (local politics entertainment the non-famous people you know from your daily life) you'll see plenty of women making dumb sexual mistakes that screw up their relationships and their careers If you want a more extreme example note the fe teachers who are sometimes arrested for committing statutory rape with their students Perhaps you're always in perma-consent mode I must say most of the men I've been involved with have not been and have been more than capable of turning down sex when they're tired or drunk or don't want to catch my cold or still angry about that fight or just don't like me that way or think it will make the breakup harder than it already is Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 9:27 pm Marty Farley says March 4 2013 at 10:50 am But why is being "cut off" from your sexuality… well such a big deal? Does it all come back to men being socialized to link their masculinity almost entirely to how much sex with how many hot women they can achieve? Alcockell says February 4 2014 at 6:47 am Well actually the West's birthrate is below replacement level and Oprah did do a show years ago about women who did spend their youth in career mode then trying to be a mother in their 30's or so thinking they could conceive indefinitely like a man But then it's really not a good idea for men to wait until their old either Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 8:08 pm I was just reading today about the idea that men now "control" sex on college campuses because they're so outnumbered by women Its what like 60/40? I wasn't sure whether to laugh. Buying into the cult of the is to buy into a binary world of nothing but stereotypes and gender policing Men are or they aren’t women are either hypergamous status-chasers or they’re uggos who’re settling for betas because they can’t snag a high-value man Betas only exist to be cheated on and rejected while s rule the world It narrows the world to a deterministic universe without nuance or uniqueness Men and women are reduced to sexualized robots ruled by their immutable sexual needs with no individuality to. The following experiment could test the claim: You get a social circle to meet up at a place for some days they agree to get filmed We find to seperate jurys to watch the footage The jurys dont know about the experiment's purpose One jury judges if there is a violent structure and who is on top of this structure (the ) the other jury judges who is the most successful with women if there is a correlation the claim is validated if not it is falsified I dont have the resources to conduct such an experiment but maybe you could make it I would be very interested I am researching the literature behind this claim for 5 years and it is astounding that there are only studies where (or bad boy/jerk) is not clearly defined and only people are asked rather than investigating what really happens i.e with cameras Finally Feminist 101 talks about while feminist and how her main criteria for making sure a guy's a good person to date is whether he's willing to let her take the initiative rather than expecting to control everything himself The article she quotes from another feminist website talks about using a man's reaction to feminist issues as a litmus test–if he's accepting of them or at least willing to discuss that's a good sign Again clear they are advocating men being open and flexible rather than dominant. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 8:17 pm Well its a good thing you're not the one defining my relationship then isn't it? But ok let's play 1 in 3. Ma at 6:06 pm last I checked there are not barbs on a human penis head In fact we are one of very few mammals (all those who copulate for pleasure) who don't have penis barbs Are you thinking of cats? They have a barbed penis Latches on inside until the comes Fe cats can also have kittens from multiple s in the same litter Got nothing to do with humans. Jevinr says Febru at 6:38 am Lol We will Be We will be dominant you beta bitch /watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg Now its possible you meant all men get more attractive to a statistically meaningful portion of physically attractive women without regard to other aspects Its possible that you meant men without other above-average "attractive" qualities do And it may be that you mean that women do not have a statistically easier time finding the type of man they enjoy being around based on their status and power That's not what it sounds like Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 4:03 pm Robert says March 6 2013 at 10:35 am "I prefer the notion of an as a man who not only is usually larger than average stronger and more symmetrical than most guys but also exudes a certain dominant energy and far from being violent is more likely to be a leader and arbitrator." That's the main reason I dislike most MRA's They complain about all the ways double standards hurt men without realizing that the system that oppresses women is the same one that hurts men If you're going to promote the belief that women should stay home because they're naturally better at child care then of COURSE they'll be more likely to get custody if comes along Men are unable to express emotion and vulnerability because those are "women" things and in our society "women" is synonymous with "weak" A woman who does "man" stuff is praised because she's seen as moving up while a man who does "woman" stuff is mocked for moving on down You want to change that then support gender equality and help get rid of the notion that anything associated with women is inherently weak Enail says March 4 2013 at 2:19 pm Just the one? I think there have been a couple Our current had a "perfect" princess of a girlfriend She was interested in his money She expected to be pampered Would deny him sex to get her way and kept fishing for a wedding ring She was actually a pretty cool person but she had a pretty screwed up idea of relationships Fortunately so did he Their love was a grand and miserable thing to behold How about you? Would you like to have your choice of women from now on? Would you like to have sex with hot sexy women? Would you prefer that life ran more smoothly for you from now on? Would you like to see the shock on the faces of friends family or coworkers when they see you with an extremely hot woman? Would you like to get what has been denied to you all these years because you haven’t been enough to attract it or take it? Would you like to feel good about yourself from now on instead of secretly feeling like a failure? Would you like to have women feel so much attraction for you that they confess their feelings to you and try to pick. Actually if we could properly break away from the idea of women controlling sex I think you'd see less rape Because rape isn't about sex usually–it's about dominance and control It's about one person taking away control from someone they see as having it If men didn't see women as controlling their access to sex there wouldn't be as much to get off on by taking that control away Orv says March 6 2013 at 11:51 am So the definition of what is becomes a weird Rorsharch test exposing what the individual believes defines “masculinity” combined with a “don’t give a fuck” attitude Most forms of recommended “” waver between “cocky/funny” responses to basic questions (the aforementioned “shit tests”) ignoring what women are saying and being as socially domineering as possible The obsession with carries over into mixed groups or even all- groups; there can be only one all and even friendly hang-outs can turn into constant competitions for status as people try to assume the socially dominant position. Of course there are fucked-up women There will always be fucked-up humans So what? I submit that intentionally adding to their fucked-uppedness is fucked-up itself Anyone who tries to make excuses for their misogynistic and hateful attitudes towards women on the basis of the existence of fucked-up women is doing a great job towards being presented in the courtroom as Toxic Human Exhibit A themselves There's also the basic issue that you implicitly brought up Animal kingdom and (maybe) pre-agricultural s mated with lots of fes by using physical force If you're holding that up as the example of how to behave to be successful you're basically defining serial rapists as being the most successful men The second most successful would be men who will sleep with any woman who makes herself available That's generally not the PUA definition of success either So does acting like an (by any definition) get you a more rewarding sex life with multiple partners? I don't think we have good statistical evidence I'll make you the same offer I make everyone else I'll be happy to go out for drinks with you sometime You do the thing I'll do my thing We'll compare notes March 6 2013 at 8:34 am Depending on where you're coming from that stuff actually might not be the least bit obvious — or at least it's not obvious how your own attitudes and preconceptions fit into it If this stuff was easy everybody would have done it But self-improvement is hard Realizing you need to grow stings your ego Realizing that you have some fucked-up and dysfunctional ideas about women leads to very uncomfortable feelings of confusion and guilt It's far easier and emotionally safer to seek out the secret cheat codes that will magically get you all the ass you've ever wanted A Third Guest says Ma at 3:50 pm It's not too difficult to learn whereas guys have to spend years cultivating something that women will find attractive at. The Obsession With status is – more often than not – an obsession born out of insecurity A person who spends all of his time trying to be is someone who doesn’t have a strong emotional foundation; he is too busy seeking validation by trying to get others to acknowledge his position Someone who’s mature secure in his identity and values in touch with his emotions and comfortable with being vulnerable is isn’t going to worry about being He’s not going to need to get into territorial pissing matches in order to prove himself nor is he reduced to acting like a sarcastic dick to women in order to conform to a bogus definition of masculinity He doesn’t need to get wrapped up in labels or assume that every woman is just looking for the next social upgrade. Guest says Ma at 3:34 pm So youre telling me that the trash written today is somehow better than the trash of yesteryear? 50 shades anyone? Gil says Ma at 12:22 pm Mel_ says Ma at 5:21 pm But they won't even admit that They keep claiming that most guys would be totally happy with just about any woman If they admitted that they wanted "the best" too I'd at least have a little more respect for the argument because I'd understand why they think women think. Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 7:39 pm So where's. Orv says March 5 2013 at 10:15 pm That just sounds stupid Women evolved to take into account modern social conceits? And in such a way that their bodies and minds respond differently to the same stimuli? What in the last few hundred years? Yes it means that she just isn’t feeling it with you You either haven’t built enough rapport or attraction or you seem like the sort of guy she doesn’t want to get involved with Watch this video: //how-to-get-a-girls-number-in-a- Cheers Dan When I created the controversial attraction techniques that I now teach here at The Modern Man beautiful women began flooding into my life and I've enjoyed my choice of women ever since I've already helped 1,000s of guys to get instant results with women (100s of success stories here) and I would love to help you too If you are sick and tired of not getting results with women and would like to try something that is absolutely guaranteed to work for you then get started here. Actually I've seen a lot of the PUA types being up a lot of the same arguments MRA types do I don't think anyone assumes they're the same but there is a fair bit of overlap in attitudes Mainly because both tend to be founded on the idea that in one way or another women are a monolithic entity that is hostile toward men Guys become either via their upbringing life experiences or active learning later in life The most important traits are not physical What’s most important is how you think behave and take action in life You either think behave and take action like an …or you don’t Personally speaking I transformed myself from a self-doubting socially anxious guy who felt as though he didn’t deserve attractive women and didn’t deserve the respect of others into who I am today When I made the decision to become everything else began to change in my life too Women wanted to have sex with me people wanted to be my friend my parents showed me more respect and I got promoted at work into higher positions of leadership Life is so much easier less stressful and more productive as an I make things happen and they happen easily because I have the confidence. Florida attorney. What does it mean if a girl says she’s not ‘comfortable with it’?; on some occasions I’ve asked for numbers dates but I’ve had this ‘I’m not comfortable with it (yet)’ thing Is it a case of not building enough attraction beforehand/not being enough or just simply down to her own insecurities? Dan Bacon Hi Ronald Thanks for your question. Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:36 pm Ma at 3:56 pm A man who gets action from his wife every night? what planet are you living on? And it seems that being '' as history shows is a much more succesful strategy than being kind and loving to the point of being saccahrine Ma at 3:48 pm I don't think anyone's denying that some men get "laid" with many more women than others (The "more often" isn't really what's being considered right? Because technically a guy who has sex every night with his wife is getting laid just as much as a guy who has sex with a different woman every night but in these discussions the latter seems to be held up as. Orv says March 4 2013 at 4:32 pm I find this line of thought quite frankly terrifying A world in which it's better to not be sure if my partner wants to have sex with me is a pretty shitty world @eselle28 says March 4 2013 at 4:08 pm "the men on average responded genitally in what Chivers terms “category specific” ways s who identified themselves as straight swelled while gazing at heterosexual or lesbian sex and while watching the masturbating and exercising women They were mostly unmoved when the screen displayed only men Gay s were aroused in the opposite categorical pattern Any expectation that the animal sex would speak to something primitive within the men seemed to be mistaken; neither straights nor gays were stirred by the bonobos And for the participants the subjective ratings on the keypad matched the readings of the plethysmograph The men’s minds and genitals were in agreement As an introvert I might be able to feign being "crazy social" briefly but if I ended up with someone who was innately "crazy social," I'd never be able to sustain it It might get me laid but it's no basis for a relationship Maybe I'd luck out and find someone else who was faking it but given how hard it is to sustain being "crazy social" when you're not that way innately I think the odds would be unfavorable A good way for introverts to establish relationships with other introverts remains an open problem "Be an extrovert" isn't necessarily a realistic option Remus O says at 12:10 pm "Everything about humans from the size of our testicles to the shape of our pensises to the noises we make during sex is evolutionary testament to the fact that sexual exclusivity is not the natural state." So for every person in your 1,000 who is or could be attracted to you Tiger has 20,000 not because he's rich or famous or great in bed but because 20,000 times as many people know him well enough to have an opinion Do the other things add to it too? For some people but if he was a rich high status unknown there would be a lot less women attracted to him than if he were broke not a winner and still as famous Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 11:58 am I'm not telling you what to do or anything but from one introvert to another I'm confident in stating that the "open problem" of introverts often rests with the introverts themselves being unwilling or unable to meet halfway in the social realm Because we're introverts! A Third. Just now read this Its like the evo-psych of politics When there's no external enemy humans turn on their leaders because SCIENCE! It explains everything from office drama to domestic terrorism Note to s make sure your peer group has an external enemy or they'll kill you for your access to women and quit using your cell phone in public Seriously though: definitely an interesting read I just don't know if it says anything about humans In response to that the things I see when I read MRA posts tend to be more like "Women are all bitches who want to force laws that let them steal your sperm and then make you pay alimony and child support for the rest of your life while they sit on their asses." The key difference here is from feminists I hear a lot about problems that actually impact them in their day to day life problems entirely outside their control From your average MRA-type I hear about either hypothetical slippery-slope logic-straining-worst-case-ever-scenarios or about situations in which they were complicit (personally not as a member of society) in creating the situation they are complaining about Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 9:55 pm Well sure Forget women just look at life Who has more stress Donald Trump or his driver? Eselle28 says Ma at 9:37 pm Generally speaking people who are on the extremes aren't interested in each other,but I think it's worth noting that most people are somewhere in between I think people forget that sometimes especially people who are focused on being introverts Enail says March 6 2013 at 9:55 am Where on earth did Mel suggest that you had said those things? Discussions tend to work much better when you respond to what the other person has actually said rather than stuff you've. March 5 2013 at 6:03 pm This is easier said than done especially when your personal experience does not justify being positive about this I've been trying to figure out whats stopping me from getting what I want for ages with no success If every date leads to rejection to not even a second date than why should I be positive? I go out I have a life beyond work and internet but women simply do not seem to perceive me as romance material Maybe it's the author who has some issues what with the false of dichotomy of the "bad boy" versus "nice guy" Those two groups are leftovers of the rest of the population whereas most men are down-to-earth and can easily settle in relationship Genuine "bad boys" are overt-aggressive assholes and "nice guys" are passive-aggressive assholes Every decent guy get has no trouble settling down with a decent woman and having children evidenced by the fact you see well-adjusted children. However the notion of the Evil reads like a strawman from the author As if to say "women like nice guys but love the bad boys" false dichotomy I prefer the notion of an as a man who not only is usually larger than average stronger and more symmetrical than most guys but also exudes a certain dominant energy and far from being violent is more likely to be a leader and arbitrator In other words women prefer s for all the rights reasons Personally I prefer the term Omega to guys who are at the arse end of mankind and are weedy whiny losers who can't get women are far more prone to random acts of violence as they have little to lose (cue: Jamie Holmes) I prefer to define Beta s as to be the down-to-earth average guys who usually gets married settles down and has children without too many worries Also basic entry and acceptance to what purpose? I see this argument over and over–men have to work so much harder because a guy is happy to go on a date with/have sex with any woman who's halfway attractive but women want more than that Let's say for the sake of argument that's true If a woman isn't going to be happy on a date with a guy unless he's more than just some random dude of the street unless he shows respect for her and shares some interests or makes her laugh or whatever then how on earth would it do her any good to go on a date with a guy who doesn't do those things? How is it a benefit to be able to have an experience she won't enjoy? Women work hard to get dates *with the people they want to go on dates with* just like. Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 7:51 pm I'm going to give them one and only one point The complaint about the court system favoring mothers over fathers in custody proceedings has merit (not in each of their individual cases but as a broad social trend) Thank you for another excellent article Dr Nerdlove! "At what point does someone go from being '' to 'an insufferable selfish dick'?" They don't need to even have to be "" — they just need to buy into this whole /beta crap to start on the path of "selfish dick" (becoming an "insufferable selfish dick" takes some practice) Bisian says Ma at 1:25 am Oh are we taking our values from the Romans now? Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:37 am Noticed the bracket somehow got included in the link–here's a working link to the privilege post: /2007/03/1… Yes the superficial stuff can help and yes some women are fixated on that to the exclusion of all else If that's where you're a viking by all means chase those women and have fun doing it But if you think a ripped bod and fat bank account are somehow prerequisites for a great sex life I'm happy to inform you that you're wrong The world is a much more awesome place than you're giving it credit for Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 7:55 pm Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 4:56 pm I would also debate how many PUA types would consider quantity sex with multiple partners inherently superior to quality sex with one (or more) partners that they also enjoy as people if both options presented themselves as being equally likely and requiring equal effort I would presume that all else being equal geek guys would prefer to date geek girls rather than hiding their geeky interests I would also guess that most guys would prefer sex and fun non-sex activities to just sex That's what I mean by inferior If you focus on sex to the exclusion of all else don't be surprised when all you get is sex You can do better and still have lots of NSA sex with attractive people Marty Farley says March 4 2013 at 9:48 am I can no longer visit TVTropes unless I have nothing planned for the next. March 4 2013 by Dr NerdLove Every once in a while I like to go browse through some various blogs forums and subreddits specializing in men’s advice to see what theories are being espoused. Simply put if woman had the same sexual urges as a man then we'd would probably be living like bonobos It's long known and scientifically studied that womens' sexual desires don't trigger the brain the same way a man's does To a certain men do have a proverbial rudimentary brain between his legs Women have consisently shown in studies that they are largely unaware of physical arousal In other words women aren't as sexually motivated in life. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 12:23 am I'm surprised that one got down voted If you said it about me I'd take it as a compliment Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 10:23 pm Justashychick says January 1 2016 at 6:48 am Oops I meant to upvoye and accidentally downvoted this comment! Sorry! Hi Dan I’ve probably read this very interesting article about 8 times now or so and based on what I’ve learned from you there is an MASSIVE diffrence between a lower ranking and an If you’re an pretty much everyone wants to be your friend they invite you to parties people take a genuine intrest in you you have your pick of hot women you get promoted at work etc (And that’s just some of the benifits of being an ) Whereas if your an lower ranking (especially an omega ) you have to work REALLY hard to get a girl to just like you you’d be a butt of the others joke you feel painful emotions of weakness and self-doubt at your core having a hard time making friends etc. Enail says Ma at 11:44 am A counter-troll? Like the opposite of a troll? So that would be someone who posts reasonable and well-researched comments in the hopes of fostering positive discussion? If so then yes Mel is a counter-troll Hey we agree on something! Bisian says Ma at 6:03 pm This Times a million Men on the other hand can only be one way; deviating from the path of the means that you are less of a man by definition There is no room for variation – you must fit into this very narrow definition of masculinity or else resign yourself to getting fucked over by everybody else There’s no real room for intimate friendships because to open up too much is to be beta… not to mention making yourself vulnerable to someone else taking your place on the mountain of testosterone By learning how to be an you will notice immediate changes in the way that women respond to you in terms of attraction and sexual desire You will also notice that other s instantly begin showing you more respect more people want to be your friend and that your prior insecurities and social fears suddenly disappear If you’re interested in becoming an right now I welcome you to The Modern Man and I look forward to showing you how to rapidly transform yourself into a powerfully confident highly respected If you’re not interested in becoming an are you going to be happy that women won’t ever find you as attractive as an ? Do you enjoy other guys being able to disrespect you or would you prefer that they automatically show you respect when you meet them and interact. Robert says March 6 2013 at 11:23 am March 5 2013 at 9:36 pm More like me subscribing to your definition of "" where you see one as a proverbial caveman who pretty much rapes women – a strawman designed for everyone to boo and make themselves feel good that they're not one. So… figure out what's stopping you from getting what you want and address it? I'm not trying to be dismissive here but you frequently display an incredibly negative attitude along with what seems to be the belief that you're doomed to never find a satisfying relationship… those are probably two of the most unattractive qualities a human being can have They mean you walk into a first date with the assumption that she's not going to be into you that even if she is something else will go wrong that the sex will suck etc etc etc… and whether consciously or not when you approach every situation with that attitude you're going to end up confirming your own bias over and. Mel_ says March 9 2013 at 6:47 pm I'm not seeing hostility or coldness toward men as a general group in any of my comments If you have noticed it somewhere you're welcome to point me to the relevant one That's not the point The point was that he was trying to make it seem like women have it hard and that I'd change my mind if men were put in that situation It didn't work because men have it much much harder and not only that we get shit on and blamed for it if we don't succeed at it Gentleman Johnny says Orv says March 5 2013 at 9:53 am that should have read "You know what my answer was the last time someone threatened to withhold sex from me?" Please ignore the extra "was" that snuck in at the. That's my biggest problem with them too that obvious catch 22 They are the loudest to complain that men die in wars and on dangerous jobs and built civilization for us fat entitled women who gleefully send them to their deaths and ride on all their hard work When feminists say "ok let's open up the military and all the jobs to women too" all of a sudden MRAs are the loudest to complain that women are actually shit at everything can't think or invent can't fight and that they need to get back in the kitchen So which is. Gil says March 5 2013 at 10:46 am When was last time a man said to woman "until you change you way you're not getting any" and the woman was like "oh sh-"? Ma at 10:55 pm Here's a woman "its not hard" on and one of the options she's giving up Skip down to "I spend a lot of time thinking about" /profile/CheshireCunt?cf=re… The reason the myth gets perpetuated is because for a certain segment of women it works damn well: /blog/evolution-the… I recounts several women who are frustated that the keep falling for men who are clearly bad for them – for all this talk to human' restraining their instinct most women fall prey to it over and over again like the animals they are Nearly all romance novels focus on dominant '' s who are brutal and thuggish these would not sell if women were turned off by men who are dominant and '' Its better to tell the honest truth about what most women actually want than what gender politics and feminism thinks that. Gil says Ma at 2:58 am Geez why did you settle early? You make him sound like a. So what happens is women have to prove they're above the remaining men to make those men want them Any desperate chick can throw herself at the ugly dudes until she finds one but if she wants a real "10" by which I mean a hot dude with washboard abs she's got to be the bitch So they'll insist men buy them drinks pay men backhanded compliments and make it clear how many other guys they could be with That way they demonstrate a superior social value that makes the men come to them yeah it sounds just as ridiculous on the screen as it did in my head Never thought I'd have a real world social situation set me up for that gag though First a little scene setting At the time our story begins I wasn't employed in any official way This was obviously a big psychological block to women I was the #2 guy in a theater/performance troupe of sorts One of the other members was a woman who I had dated briefly almost two years prior Nothing ever really came. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 4:39 pm Twisting your interpretation of somebody's actions to fit your pre-existing worldview is often FAR easier than twisting actual words I find this philosophy nasty on a variety of levels Granted I'm not saying this is *typical* let alone suggesting that all women are like this just that I can imagine *some* women going through this at some point in their lives Guys are certainly capable of similar but it manifests itself slightly differently: not asking anyone else out vs rejecting anyone else Source? That's some extraordinary scientific claim there and as a biologist I've didn't read anything remotely so bombastic as what you say in that phrase @SarahJesness says Yeah women complain about guys who approach them in intrusive ways I would hope most guys would be smart enough to figure out that if a guy shows a lack of respect for your boundaries right from your very first interaction (I mean I don't see women complaining about some guy saying hi and then moving on when the woman kept reading or asking a friendly question and then letting it go when the woman indicated she didn't want to talk–it's the guys who insist on making the woman talk to them even though the woman is clearly not interested who get complained about) going on a date with him is a *very* bad idea So that's not really an option we're turning down and that's not positive attention it's negative I'm pretty sure any guy who was busy with something or not in the mood to talk wouldn't appreciate a random woman insisting on having a conversation with him either *it's pretty false IRL anyway Hell just recently my SIL got dumped by a guy because she wouldn't go back to school to "better herself" and she is content working sketchy jobs and being broke Gentleman Johnny says Jevinr says Febru at 6:21 am We will not be slaves but we WILL be CONQUERORS !!! Gil says March 4 2013 at 8:08 pm Gil says March 5 2013 at 11:52 pm You aren't even actually advancing a different idea you're just suggesting that societal factors which make sex "riskier" for women both in terms of personal and social risk aren't individualized psychological factors but somehow have become hard-coded into women's DNA in the last few hundred years Gosh I wonder which of those is more likely… Amongst primates that live in social groups (baboons chimpanzees gorillas) the largest strongest of the apes is the ; the others are betas The rules the pack by dint of his strength and furious violence; he gets the greatest amount of food and unlimited sexual access to the fes The betas subsist on the scraps that are left over once the has moved on and are excluded from sex with any of the fes on threat of death The alone gets to pass along his genes; many apes – chimps and gorillas especially – will outright murder the children of competing s in order to ensure that his genes and his alone will survive. You realize that calling people here liars especially when you have nothing to back it up other than a collection of ass-pulls is a very good way of asking to get the ban-hammer yes?You are quickly approaching the line of “no longer contributing intelligently to the conversation”.Only warning Gentleman Johnny says It's hard work Earlier today I had pound my chest and screech loudly at a co-worker for 15 minutes because a woman in a meeting with us laughed at his joke Can't be having that sort of thing in my meetings Gentleman Johnny says Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 7:54 pm So you're saying that guys who have no interesting traits and won't approach women that interest them should what be issued a woman for wanting on really bad? Seriously in your model of the world what does a fair system. Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 12:16 am That's how it is in my marriage too I'm generally the initiator He's the type of guy who forgets to eat and go to the bathroom; biological urges aren't really foremost in his mind And a lot of my girlfriends have complained about their husband's/fiances/boyfriend's "lack of interest lately" Seriously has Gil never been in a long term relationship? Ma at 2:30 pm It's funny actually–a lot of the advice given to women on how to be attractive to men is pretty much *exactly* the same as the sorts of advice DNL gives to guys Look your best act confident share your passions show interest in other people's lives banter etc Almost as if… we're all just human beings and human beings find certain things attractive 😉 And shy guys should take heart that a lot of women's advice sources are encouraging women to ask out guys they're interested in themselves rather than waiting for the guy to take that step. Mel_ says Ma at 4:44 pm I don't know even one woman who requires a guy to have a "body that calls attention to [itself]" or a cool car in order to want to date him And I know lots of women who have dated or are men who are somewhat socially awkward and/or who are struggling financially Tosca says Ma at 8:57 pm Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 6:08 pm Yeah "Hey I feel like I'm getting some really mixed signals here Can we talk about this?" Seriously it doesn't take a Vulcan. But for most women no amount of diet & exercise coupled with fashion/cosmetic choices can turn her into model material whether Playboy or runway Genetic luck plays a huge part in it Sure makeup and surgery and stuff can enhance that but without that basic template you'd never be offered the contract OldBrownSquirrel says Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddddd we're in the most commented list I'm outta here! OldBrownSquirrel says Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 12:42 am I know I’m invading a man’s space here… but I competely agree with your article! Here is my problem – I am actually a Beta and it is drivin me insane I do love him but I wish I didn’t have to wear the pants all the time and reassure him of everything all the time Is there anyway I can make him more ? If I tell him anything to that effect he becomes upset about the fact that I am challenging his masculinity Ugh! Help me out here please!! Dan Bacon Hi Anna Thanks for your question. What could lead to some major hard to get playing is; I have told her about my tendencies to lose interest for a girl sleeping with her which might be why she goes into foreplay mode but not further She knows about my want-what-you-cannot-have drive She knows I’m not the relationship guy originally she said she though I was She has about every decently confident at the campus hitting on her (which does suck takes happy thoughts not to let it show) and she by nature being a flirtatious gal does enjoy a little bit of flirting back I do almost subconsciously respond to this by flirting with other girls while around her (which she doesn’t seem to like) All this behaviour doesn’t look very promising relationship-wise either. Robert says March 4 2013 at 9:08 am "There are inevitable people who will insist that I’m trying to “pussify men” or that if I would just take the Red Pill I would see the world as it really is instead of this femme faggy supplicating model that I’m pushing onto impressionable men." I guess I see the problems in sex-positivity as not inherent in the concept – in fact frequently arising from people not actually acting in line with their supposed ideals – and also as fixable whereas the problems in mainstream society go right to the roots And let's not kid ourselves that society as it is now is any nicer to asexual folk People often seem to think it's fine and dandy for us (honestly I think this is where some of the backlash in sex-positive spaces comes from that people think they don't have to bother taking us into account and get angry at us because they think we don't have problems under the current system) but believe me when I say so-called "sex-negative" spaces cause problems for asexual folk too And stuff like Hyposexual Desire Disorder (lifelong) in the DSM/Frigidity being a diagnosis in the ICD go back decades I will freely admit I have no idea what it's like to be a guy out there in the world I would never tell any guy that when he says he sees no indications that women are interested in him he must be making that up that it can't really be that hard So it's very frustrated that so many guys come here insisting that they know what it's like being a woman in the world I have *never* felt like my options were limitless like I was chasing a "select" guy in competition with a whole bunch of other women or like there were guys around who were clearly willing to date me if I'd just settle for them The vast majority of women I've known haven't see things that way either But hey what do I know? Apparently random dude on the internet has a better idea what women experience than actual. Filed Under: Lifestyle Tagged With: be a better person lifestyle masculinity what does it mean to be. Trooper6 says March 5 2013 at 2:17 pm He lives in the world of Porky's? *shudder* I can understand men being confused about the more subtle ways women say no but if you actually receive a clear one it's pretty uncool to try to shove your tongue in her mouth again because you thought her body language indicated she'd like that What if you're that socially awkward dude who gets brought up on every thread about creepers and you struggle with reading people's body language? What if you're not usually but for whatever reason you got it wrong this time? What if she is attracted to you but still doesn't want you kissing her for whatever reason? Why is your judgment that her body was saying yes so infallible that you can rely on that instead of taking her initial verbal response and following it up with some more verbal clarification about what. I think it mainly comes back to the societal message that women "control" sexuality–that whether any given person has sex is up to the woma/en in the equation So when a guy can't get sex it's easy for him to see that as the fault of women "denying" him Whereas you'll notice that if a woman isn't able to attract men she's encouraged to blame herself and assume she's just not appealing enough since theoretically it's oh so easy for a woman to find interested men as long as she's not completely abhorrent One of my biggest problems with the sex positive side is that very few of them ever consider whats it like to have a loosy sex life in a sex positive enviornment The assumption that everybody is going to have the sex life they want in our sex positive future is wrong and needs to be readjusted DNL attempts this but "sex is awesome but don't be bummed if yout have a sucky sex life" is not adequate compensation Acai berry pure max reviews. Ps: As you know I have all of your products But I haven’t gone through any of them except “The Flow” and “The Ultimate Guide To Conversation” because I’m afraid of being disappointed I’m afraid that I’ve hyped your products up to be the “ultimate” understanding for me regarding sexual attraction and so I thereby am afraid to actually go through your products – due to the possibility of being disappointed of them not meeting my unrealistically high standard. Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 12:35 pm Eselle28 says Ma at 11:21 pm Mel's right You were actually talking with me about those subjects and it's weird to keep bringing. Marty Farley says March 5 2013 at 10:49 am So what’s really the truth? I’m very frustrated being stuck in the middle of these two sides of the -community where one part claims one thing and the other parts claims another thing Please please help me out here as honestly as you can It’s highly appreciated! Dan Bacon Hey Knut Thanks for your question Be careful who you learn from I edited out the idiots/ gurus you mentioned in your comment to save my readers from getting brainwashed by their insecure advice Let me tell you the main reason why they are 100% wrong: Okay So above your theory is that women group men into guys they're attracted to and guys who they'll settle for But now you're talking about laundry lists I don't think you understand how attraction works but I can assure you it doesn't involve carefully checking off all the requirements on a list It seems like you're just giving a bunch of rationalizations for complaints about women being too picky rather than working from something coherent Fail MRA members saying that men should be judged on things other than those listed is NOT the issue people have Its the undercurrent of "women only want x and its not fair so women suck" Also there's the undercurrent of "I'm a nice guy which is why all those bitches don't appreciate me They only want guys who treat them like shit." Oh and then there's "why can't the rest of you just face the obvious TRUTH that we're all silverback gorillas with laptops?" And really? Fight against sexism so women etc? Show me a link to an MRA thread about sexism as does not relate to how affairmative actions is sexist because it lets underqualified cute chicks take their jobs that they deserve I'm not a feminist I'm not an MRA They've both got too much baggage on board You can call me an ERA – Equal Rights Advocate Beth says March 4 2013 at 6:27 pm Ooooh nice casual enforcement of rape culture. Eselle28 says Ma at 12:03 pm I'd also note that this counter-troll is presumably the reaction to the more ordinary type of troll Since Mel replied to Gil is this Gil admitting that he was trolling? Gentleman Johnny says March 5 2013 at 5:56 pm I think its time for a Gentleman Johnny non-evidentiary anecdote! This is the secret TRUE story of how Dr Nerdlove kicked my social life back into swing helped me get a girlfriend AND keep her all in one article The names have been replaced with titles to protect the innocent Gil says March 6 2013 at 11:00 am You're. Anyway I cleared my cookies and history like you said and when I google advice for women I get 173 million results and only 91.4 million for men And the original searches I did (which were not advice for ___ but ___'s advice) still have the same results I originally reported deleting cookies and history I'm searching on because I'm in Canada and it defaults on that so maybe the com results are different? (So maybe there's more advice for US men but more for Canadian women?) But even with your numbers the fact that men have about 15% more advice site results is hardly indicative of there being so much more advice for men than women only a slight increase I inferred what? The opinion eselle's referring to didn't require any inference–you stated it outright And I quote: "Any in-celeb who makes it to the 35+ age know they're going to stay that way as their best years are behind them as well as their sexual contemporaries have also lost interest in sex for popularity's sake and are now more interested in making sure then teen children are going to turn out right as adults." During the talk (I don’t enjoy these kind of talks as I make myself so vulnerable by telling her how I feel) I told her I didn’t know if a relationship was the way to go for me but that I had feelings for her that I do not otherwise get (which is true) so that yes maybe She told me then it might be best to stop so that I do not have these feelings for her and then end up getting hurt This girl does suffer from the worst decision-agony I’ve ever seen before by the way in all areas of life Dan your take on the situation? Any suggestions? This girl is a really nice one //K.E Mcgee says March 7 2013 at 9:48 am im not one to bang the drum for -obsession but are we really going to dismiss that it exists among humans? […] to misogyny are pretty off base The truth is that people are attracted to violent men because of toxic ideas about masculinity The belief that the height of desirability is always the strong powerful […] Ma at 1:43 pm The older my son gets the better our marriage gets sexually speaking! 😉 As a life-long nerdy fe I've had the misfortune of being attracted to a few nerdy/geeky s who I eventually found out bought into this /beta crap and if they were even interested in me (they usually chased non-nerdy women) they didn't treat me that well if we ever got around to or getting into a quasi-relationship (guy never told me he loved me and I don't know if it he didn't or if it was just macho crap that if he said it it would be weak?) If telling a woman you love her holding her hand in public and truly caring about her and not being afriad to show it makes a man a beta then give me. Trooper6 says March 4 2013 at 7:28 pm This is. Just on an observational level the thing makes no sense In most couples you see in public neither part of the couple is Where I think the thing is coming from is that a lot of men are going women they really have no chance with it because the type of women that date "" men aren't really going to be the type that dates nerds or anybody who isn't "" However lust and nerd culture teaches that every nerd boy derserves a hot supermodel girlfriend and thats what they go Anime and manga are worse in this regard than Western comics since the men in Western comics do tend towards the masculine ideal more than their Japanes counterparts Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 9:23 pm Not sitting around in their underwear posting on the Internet about how much all men suck they can't March 5 2013 at 12:41 pm No kidding all you need to do is watch a "Bar Viper" trying to take home the drunkest guy (consent be damned) to validate her own self worth to know this argument is complete crap At least the drunk girl in that situation can count on her friends to protect her The drunk guy will probably be laughed out the door by his "friends" because of this twisted sexual culture It's horrible March 5 2013 at 8:15 pm There's definitely an undercurrent of "women only want x" and "I'm a nice guy which is why…" but I've seen a good couple of "women don't know how easy they've got it men have to blah blah to get anywhere" – with 'anywhere' including things other than 'sex with women' A few times I've been struck by how much frustration they seem to have towards other men who they perceive as more and how being 'nice' holds them back in relation to other men (in a context other than competing for. Maybe if the men you're talking about paid more attention to women as individuals and figured out which women they're most likely to get along with and stuck to pursuing those women they'd have more success than if they randomly went every woman who was halfway attractive Just a thought A Third. Tosca says March 5 2013 at 2:12 pm Shortly there the his girlfriend and I had to move (we were all roomates) A bunch of people came over to help for the better part of a week it was a big house Anyway it was during the moving that told my dancer friend that I was interested if she wanted to give things another try The very next day I was down with a migraine the entire night and she was taking care of me Not very I know Our first "date" was sneaking into the new place one night while things were still being moved to use the master bedroom's big whirlpool tub Our second date was some really awful atomic horror movie at the 50-seat Sci-Fi Center and food truck burritos Our third date was [local city]'s monthly Game Day where we got to play Smallville and I ran a demo of Apocalypse World Continued Eselle28 says Ma at 6:40 pm A Third Guest says Ma at 4:31 pm "Do I look fat in this?" The insecurity is in-built among women at. Enail says Ma at 4:45 pm When this gets translated onto human mating patterns (humans all are just hairless apes) the idea is that women are naturally attracted to s – dominant powerful high-status men – while disdaining the weaker less dominant betas When women do decide to hook up with a beta – so the theory goes – it’s a matter of convenience and materialism; she’s trading sex for material support when secretly in her heart of hearts she learns for a big hairy-chested manly man to come and bang the ever-loving shit out of her… bonus if he’s also high-status so she can upgrade and ditch. Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 1:36 pm I'm surprised you guys manage to get any work done in between all that supposed rage-beasting and -posturing Seems like a lot to get out of the way on a 15 minute coffee break I think that was covered above in the "women who want drama" and "emotionally vulnerable women" part There's part of it he left out though A big part of PUA is not letting failure get you down That is if you get shot down you find someone else and try again If I go down clubs on the Vegas Strip walk right up to every attractive woman I meet and say "nice boots wanna fuck?" often enough I'll eventually get a yes Its the same thing with PUA's except that they assume all women are like the ones they. […] We come up with increasingly baroque reasons why we have been uniquely disadvantaged – we’re too “beta” for example for the notoriously “hypergamous” women The PUAHate forums that Elliot Rodger […] Xabialonsofan says March 5 2013 at 11:19 pm Bwaybaby4Ever says May 7 2015 at 2:34 pm Well for one in "attractive" I'd include any traits you find appealing I'm not just talking about physically attractive So if you decline to pursue a woman because you find smoking unappealing or the thought of trying to date someone you work with unappealing or whatever that counts as focusing on pursuing women you do find "attractive" in. Beth says March 4 2013 at 9:47 am This would be a good comment if you took out the assumptions about strippers and about how women with low-self esteem will and will not behave; those groups can speak for themselves I also think that a lot of men don't want to a sexual system where they could only have sex when their is visible enthusiasm from the woman A lot of men think that if this where the case than they would be having sex a lot less than they like because of vastly different sex drives It seems that a lot of men fear that even if they are in relationships with women who love them that their girlfriends or wives are not going to be into them sexually and will only be willing to have sex on occassion rather than more frequently Whether this is true or not I don't know but the fear is definitely commons A lot of men are always going to view women as controlling access to sex and think that they won't get an enthusiastic consent frequently enough Unfortunately I think more than a fair share of women not all of them but a plurality like it. What I don't understand about that mindset is how it fits in with the rest of the PUA mindset If women inherently don't care for sex and only have sex if persuaded why on earth would some guy posturing and acting superior to her persuade her? What would she get out of that interaction? It seems to me it'd make a lot more sense if women truly didn't enjoy or want sex for its own sake that women would be most "persuaded" by the beta guys PUAs sneer at who actually offer kindness support and commitment *scratches head* Guest says Ma at 7:56 pm SO how long do you figure she will stay with you? Maybe she is just tired of the usual ilk he dates and is trying something different- but many human beings are creatures of habit I give your relationship 1 maybe 3 years before she starts to feel the nudge of the 'bad' boy Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 10:21 pm Oh oneitis That happens to guys too Doc's midweek letters column is full of variations on. Maria says Octo at 7:10 pm 'At what point does someone go from being “” to “an insufferable selfish dick”?' Gentleman Johnny says March 4 2013 at 8:24 pm Oh oh! So big guys get to be ? So I should just go in grab the girl I want by the hair beat up her boyfirend and take her no matter what anyone else says to prove I'm a good. I’m very fond of watching documentaries and you can see there time and again that the always mates with the fe It’s expected and natural Time to become an ! Dan Bacon Hey Javi Thanks for your comment Yes it’s only natural Fes go for s for many perfectly good reasons All that (and how to actually be an ) is explained in Power: /in/d2e92f Cheers Dan Also there are roughly equal numbers of men and women (with women being a slight majority) The fact that there are so many men who are desperate to get dates means that there are a lot of women who are not in relationships and not going on many dates either A Third. Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 4:41 pm Dude I don't have a driver's license am 135 lbs at 5'10" don't have a job and I don't have a problem getting dates not just with attractive people but with interesting attractive people If someone told you that you need all that crap you've been sold a bill. The biggest problem with what you're saying is the "never" and the "don't" It's fine to say "Pay attention to body language too." I think we'd all agree with that But paying attention to body language doesn't mean what she says has no bearing (which is what "don't listen" means) Ma at 8:54 pm No actually I was pointing out that excepting a very small sliver on each side (say 10%) men have it hard women have it hard and you're complaining that getting what you want requires a commitment of somewhere between weeks and months By the way when was the last time you asked out a woman and she laughed blamed or otherwise ostracized you for it? I'm hearing a lot of complaints about women What I'm not hearing is a lot of first hand experience If you're not even trying how do you know that any of this. Mel_ says Ma at 10:36 am Eselle28 says Ma at 6:17 pm Oh god forbid you might have to date a 28-year-old Tosca says March 6 2013 at 8:06 am March 6 2013 at 8:49 am Well that's because you're looking in the wrong place! The secrets are cleverly hidden in the t-shirts at the Dr NerdLove Merch. In the current western world some particularly depraved and wicked heterosexual fes and fake lesbians relish the fact that those who are naturally inclined toward order justice and compassion and who are awake to the horrors which abound within the current state of deliberately-perpetuated chaos and disorder to the proliferation of those practices and ways of "thinking" which are totally destructive to man in every way are absolutely aghast and in a perpetual state of strife as a result of the current "normative" disorder I recognize that you haven't had many options but that's because you're apparently not hitting it off with women on a general level when you're meeting them for dates not because they all have low sex drives. I want to add that the concept of "s and betas" in animal groups has been the subject of controversy lately Those tags appeared in older scientific research in sometimes unnatural environments Scientists now believe that the researchers were projecting their own biases and societal views onto wolves and seeing a strict power dynamic and hierarchy that wasn't really there And when the hierarchy IS there? Scientists have done DNA tests on primates The (s) who appeared to dominate the group didn't father most of the offspring Sure the fes would suck up to the dominant s but later they'd sneak off into the woods to have sex with the "beta" s This happens in a lot of animal groups actually Biologists have unofficially dubbed these "beta" makes to be "sneaky fuckers" The dominant tries to keep his harem's breeding rights exclusive to him but it's hard to succeed 100% Yeah the women part is wrong Ask one sometime about the work they put in to looking attractive the ways they have to act etc Its a lot easier to be social than it is to be rich In fact its exactly that curve you mentioned before a couple of months to be passable Unless you're incredibly socially awkward you can get great results by going out doing interesting things talking to people (including women) and asking out the ones who interest you without spazzing if they say no Each of those steps is its own fun not work you must put in Its up to you whether you care enough about relationships with other people (not just fucking hot chicks) to put in the work If you're determined not to do anything to make yourself attractive though that's hardly the fault of every woman. Mel_ says March 4 2013 at 5:01 pm So much this! Thank you for saying it from the guy's perspective Guys feel “cool” when they have friends and women feel proud and excited to have an boyfriend No woman is excited and proud to be with a lower ranking except other lower ranking s who think that being an is wrong selfish or mean 9 Being disrespected by people For most of human history the could punish or kill someone for disobedience and get away with it Even though we have police media and courts people still have an instinctive fear of being punished by an for stepping out of line On the other hand most people don’t feel the need to respect lower ranking s or grant them the full privileges that an enjoys Some people are nice and generous to even the most wimpy of guys but most people instinctively only give their full respect to s. Orv says March 5 2013 at 3:36 pm Sim says March 4 2013 at 10:29 pm Ah of course Thanks for the explanation! Gentleman Johnny says Ma at 4:15 pm Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 3:19 pm To be honest I'd find it hard to believe he ever has given his ideas about gender relations 😛 Women's expectations are a lot higher than men's Guys will have no problem hitting up those women for dates and such but those same women will not lower their standards until she starts closing in on 30 then she'll consider settling Worst part is that society and feminism are encouraging women to do this now BiSian says And as always your responses are much appreciated! Dan Bacon Hey Knut Man you worry too much Worrying like that causes you to naturally have the type of body language that makes you a target for BAD BOY s Guys like that scan for fear and try to use it to make themselves feel tough cool etc You’ve got to stop thinking. Orv says March 6 2013 at 8:14 am "Some sort of secret" Paging Dr NerdLoveLove Sex and For The Modern Nerd Gil says March 5 2013 at 10:53 am Gil are you able to read? I don't see anything in Marty's post about the right to vote I actually specifically see her discussing monarchs and peasants which (to most people who have basic reading comprehension skills) would indicate that she's not talking about early 1900's America so much as Europe pre-1800's. So I guess my point was mainly there's no point in getting into the intricacies of it when Gil doesn't even have the basic definitions down. Edit: You know what that first bit was unfair of me Seriously Gil pick one Either you don't care what the mass of people who read this think in which case downvoting your posts doesn't matter Or the mass opinion does matter in which case learn to present your disagreements respectfully and with evidence instead of insisting you're right A Third Guest says Ma at 7:29 pm I'm not so sure man It may be sexist but I've never heard of a woman having to go out and become an interesting/conquering person to attract guys That seems almost opposite because guys don't want aggressive *He wanted more money and thought he could use her to. I'd never deny that the mode of can get certain types of results in certain sitautions But I'm not sure where you get the idea that most leaders fit the profile you presented? There are many respected leaders who are willing to compromise and show whatever "weakness" laughing at people's jokes or whatever sends Just looking at recent presidents and presidential candidates for example most of them have gone the route of trying to show themselves as humble on par with the average person and people seem to respond to that quite well Being rigid and aloof often means people respond to you out of a fearful sort of respect rather than friendly respect and I think in terms of being admired in the long run those who've earned friendly respect keep it much longer Amen brother Your first stock photo reminded me of a couple anecdotes that really drive home your point My fiance works on a construction site with mostly men who are pretty decent well-rounded fellows They all act pretty macho at work because it's a highly masculine work environment But for most of the guys it's all in good fun and not behaviour that reflects their deep-seated insecurities – its an act reserved for work that they all enjoy putting on for a good laugh At their work site being referred to as an "" is definitely a negative The few "s" that work with them are called that because they are so insecure so concerned with appearing to be the "macho-ist" among a big group of buff guys in construction gear that they will compromise basic safety to ensure their dominance Ma at 7:02 pm I'd debate the beauty thing Even a PUA's "10" probably looks rough first thing in the morning For guys (and I presume for girls) basic grooming (including tasteful makeup for women) snazzy (not necessarily extravagant) clothes a friendly expression and carrying yourself with confidence make up half or more of attractiveness Think about the types of guys that you’ve met in life and wished you could be friends with They are more than you right? Humans are instinctively wired to get close to s because for most of human history an offered the best protection and best chance for survival Even in today’s world with our supermarkets police and internet being around an is still safer than being around a lower ranking Er to clarify: I also wasn't trying to suggest that MRAs feel that sexism is keeping women out of the police and military just that I've seen complaints along the lines of "it's unfair that men have to risk their lives in police and military defending women." I actually had the impression this was a fairly common MRA complaint The leap to wondering why they don't therefore support removing barriers to women doing these things was entirely my own – I'm not so naive as to imagine they think there are any barriers to women in military or police other than flaws in women's skills or character Also doesn't help that the feminist world has had only one audible voice to beaten down men – "You don't matter you're wrong BTW keep paying and slaving away you SERF" Maybe my view had been skewed by personally suffering at the hands of the very manipulative physically attractive women who then end up knocked up by or form relationships with the Toxic s… AND suffering at the hands of the Toxic s… And when Reddit TRP seems to be a common view – where this macho posturing goes on… and we live in a culture that has this sociopathic tendency at the top – that ripped apart a lot of advances… and us quieter guys are not heard from… Doesn't help then that these idiots deafen everyone else… Orv says March 4 2013 at 10:15 am Ma at 5:59 pm Really because my watching the actions of women around me in everyday situations says they're not worried too much about it or they'd snub me "Oh you take Caltrain I can't talk to you anymore," said no woman (to me) ever Mel_ says Ma at 4:37 pm Seriously? You're going to claim that we're born with this insecurity? It's genetic and cannot be reversed even through vast amounts of evidence to the contrary? Mel_ says Ma at 4:15 pm Where do you get this less than 5% statistic from? Do you have a source or did you make. To make sure I'm clear here the "feminist" position is that when men treat sex as a transaction where the woman can end up "owing them" sex for things they've done that isn't "nice" it is shitty and manipulative The PUA position is not "Avoid being shitty and manipulative," it is "Be shitty and manipulative AND AGGRESSIVE." If you want to have a discussion about whether the s PUA articles advocate are shitty and manipulative then go ahead but I think you're going to have a hard time making a solid argument If you want to claim that "I don't like when guys treat me like a sex dispenser whose friendship is worthless instead of a person with inherent value" and "If a guy holds my purse he's way too beta for me to climb in bed with him," are the same thing… well they aren't so that kind of undermines that whole argument Because if I knew what to expect and when to expect it then I would know when it’s justified for me to be very self-critical for not getting the reactions that I want from women – and when it’s unjustified for me to be very self-critical for not getting the reactions that I want from women So knowing what reactions to expect from most women and when to expect them when I’m a genuinely confident man; would tell me how far I actually am at this point from being a true - that women are sexually attracted to I don’t want to exhaust you with all these questions – but at the same time I really need to know…! You have no idea how much it means to me that you are taking your time to answer questions. Firstly I don't assume patriarchy and rape culture exists because you disagreed with me; I know they exist because our society fits the established and widely agreed upon definitions of the terms and I knew that before you ever entered this discussion If you disagree that our current society fits the accepted definitions of those terms you are welcome to explain how; making up your own different definitions so that I will be "wrong" does not constitute a logical argument Secondly please *read* the resources I offered before assuming you know what they say and dismissing them I can tell you didn't read them because the rape culture one specifically notes how *men* are hurt by rape culture too and the privilege one emphasizes *in the very first paragraph* that it's societal structures that result in privilege not individual men doing bad things. Jay says March 4 2013 at 12:58 pm I know right? Break out the little mustaches! We're two steps short of a sexual Godwin's Law! Mel_ says Ma at 4:22 pm If women really do have such an easy time getting dates then why on earth would they feel insecure? You really think that magazine headlines would have more power over their self-image than getting tons of actual attention from actual men? Googled it: advice for men- 117,000000 – advice for women: 103,000000 Troll harder.( also google modifiys search results based on your history- please attempt this you have cleard all cookies- I am doing this on a linux distro which does not allow for cookies and history) I can give you screen shots too- also check out yahoo answers and pretty much every internet board that is not a 'feminist' site- women can get laid easy- even fat ones/ ugly ones – O seriosly surprised you have not heard of chubby chasers They can get also really nasty when they realise I'm not interested and then deliberately try to wreck my chances with men I am actually interested in When I never wanted their attention in the first place!! It drives me f###ing crazy If you want to be a so-called go ahead — just don't expect to be loved for it and know that there are women out there like me who sincerely wish you would f### off. That's the thing about being an Chimps do it by force while all the non- chimps ( and fe) keep doing whatever the fuck they want when the one chimp who will pound them isn't around Who's using resources better the one who has to use lots of recources to keep control or the many who are inconvenienced only a small part of. Enjoy my work? Want to help support the site? Consider becoming a patron! If you want advice you can take on the go be sure to. March 4 2013 at 12:15 pm Ma at 9:49 am Oh and upon further reflection saying I have a "Mel-style" anything is a seriously huge compliment So thanks! What's being questioned is whether acting like the stereotypical will indeed give you a better sex life (which includes not just quantity–although that's up for debate too–but also quality) and whether it'll actually impede your goals if you want more out of life and your relationships than sex. Oldbrownsquirrel says Ma at 6:13 pm "I mean apparently this is something like 95% of the women out there So you and most guys you know ask out 19 out of every 20 women who cross. Gil says Ma at 1:04 am The hell he has I been reading up on some of DNL's older articles and is lucky get a few up votes More often that you all downvote his comments He won’t get upset if you simply explain to him that women feel more attracted to guys who are Tell him the truth: That you love him and want to feel even more attracted to him than you do already Let him know that you do still love him and feel attracted to him but ask him if he is open to becoming an even stronger man than he is already If he wants to check out a free article on it I recommend this: Cheers Dan Comments are closed. I use what I call "modified introversion" Recently as in the past 5 years or so I've come to accept that I prefer to do my own thing 99% of the time I enjoy my own company and love being alone However I also came to accept that I *do* get lonely like anyone else and that no one has ever discovered me while I sat at home in my living room So to solve this conundrum I accepted that I HAVE to go out Sometimes And DO things With other people No amount of me feeling lonely and wishing I had friends made it so So I joined meetup and it took a while before I actually had the stones to MEET UP But I did And met cool people I don't go out all the time still But it's nice to make those connections And I force myself to sometimes go out or text someone when my instinct is to hole up Keeping those connections alive has been rewarding Whenever someone tries to use evolutionary psychology to explain something that's a major red flag for me % of the time the speaker is looking at it in the context of their own culture (in our case Western culture) I see it a lot with beauty standards People trying to use evolutionary psychology to justify beauty standards such as big hips being better for child bearing big muscles meaning a guy is a better hunter and so on Except beauty standards change from society to society from time to time Hell beauty standards can change within the course of a few decades Women considered fat in modern American society may have been considered hot 400 years ago in many parts of Europe Some societies prefer dark hair others like light Some want tans others are super into the pale skin There are and have been plenty of societies where men with feminine features were considered the most beautiful If all you want is to hook up with women who don't care about your personality or interests or goals only how high your status appears to be and you don't care whether you can form any sort of lasting relationship with them then I guess it doesn't matter on a practical level But that's up to you That doesn't mean DNL is wrong to point out that for the many guys who do want to meet women who'll appreciate who they actually are who they can open up to and form close relationships with focusing on being "" isn't likely to accomplish that March 5 2013 at 5:01 pm something something something wait for. Patrick says March 4 2013 at 1:02 pm Yeah I've heard the "all men suck" thing plenty of times sometimes stated very strongly but almost always in the context of a series of bad relationships rather than not being able to find a partner It’s tempting to ascribe s to “nature” as a way to give the the gloss of authority and excuse one’s desires with “we’ll this is just how it’s supposed to be can’t do nuthin’ about it.” But if one is going to attempt this it helps to actually understand what the real natural is instead of making assumptions based on what we WANT to be true and ultimately begging the question Evolutionary psychology is frequently used to justify certain s in men and women insisting that certain s are not only natural but inevitable and thus are the way that things are supposed to be Such is the case of the worship of the : an attempt by people to justify what they want to be true via an appeal to nature through misunderstandings of evolution psychology and sociological development. That is what I experience very often but I’m not a genuinely confident guy as the guy that I described in the example When I walk down a crowded street in a big city there are women everywhere walking up and down the street Most of them don’t even acknowledge that I’m there all though some of them give me eye-contact and some of them even holds it for a while But – it’s just a few of the women that give me eye-contact… So the question for me is: Is the reason for that due to me lacking confidence or is it due to me not meeting their “biological partner-preference standard”? According to your last answer it’s due to me not being confident But I still have a hard time believing that if I actually were genuinely confident; then I would be sexually attractive to most of those women and I would thereby have most of those women’s attention/eye-contact. Vessna says March 4 2013 at 10:14 am A Third Guest says Ma at 9:20 pm Do everything specifically so women will choose you "Be a man indeed." … You mean the secret of focusing on self-improvement being a decent human being and treating women like individuals and not a single monolithic entity? That's some super secret stuff right there (No Not really.) Gentleman Horndog says Gil if you came in here and disagreed with me and had some very strong and well-supported arguments I've always been willing to revise my position on most topics But you aren't doing that You're making sweeping generalizations and insisting that they apply to EVERY /fe relationship and that's not only wrong it's completely implausible Yes if I or Mel or Johnny make a well thought out (or particularly witty comment) it's going to get a lot of upvotes Yes if you come in here and try to assert claims that just don't make sense without anything to support them ignore at least half of any response to what you're saying and generally refuse to have a serious conversation you're going to get downvoted again. Bisian says Ma at 4:11 pm Translation: Whine whine whine Mountains of self pity Refusing to believe what women say about their preferences and experiences Whine. March 4 2013 at 7:32 pm I think it's amazing I found this article the day I found this comic: /art/Bonobos-302107081 Yeah I don't really have anything else useful to add ot this discussion other than Good job as ususal Doc! A Third Guest says Ma at 5:46 pm These sites are also deeply mistrustful of women – as in never listen to what women say There is this weird idea that a group of men trying to be are better judges than women at what is attractive in a man to a woman There is no nuance to their thinking The idea that women like myself who most certainly and clearly have a type (brainy science guys) that doesn't fit their idea of is preposterous I thank my lucky stars I have never had the misfortune to actually run into one of these men-who-know-what-I-want-better-than-me-thank-you in person down a. -Bobby Dan Bacon Hey Brody Thanks for your question The reason why is that he’s more of a natural at working out this area of life For instance some guys are more of a natural at maths engineering or sports For the rest of us (Ben me and pretty every other guy who visits this site) we have to LEARN how to think behave and be like the naturals Here is the basic process you will go through on your way to becoming a natural in this area. Gentleman Horndog says Ma at 9:56 am I had a longer more personal response written before deciding it really wasn't worth it So the short version: Edit: for clarification I don't mean "most attractive TO THEM" We all have our own things we are attracted to I'm talking about externally enforced conventional attractiveness; a very narrow set of qualifications Only betas "settle" for anything less than Megan Fox. Women as gatekeepers to sex leads to burkas and flogging 14-year-old girls for adultery they were raped by relatives Because if women control access to sex then it follows that they have to make extra sure they don't provoke any man into a lustful frenzy by showing any body parts (that's being a bad gatekeeper) and if a man rapes a women it isn't his fault because he doesn't control access to sex She must have provoked him or allowed him And finally you're ignoring the fact that the article explicitly states not that women like one specific trait (being "good of heart" or what have you) but that different women like all different sorts of : "Some women like macho take-charge men Others like soft-spoken intellectuals or floppy-haired mods or wiry musicians tattooed greasers chubby hairy teddy-bears or yes giant-ass nerds." The point of the article is that standard "" is usually hurtful in the long run not that being the exact opposite of an will get you all the sex you want But clearly reading comprehension is not your strong suit Gentleman Johnny says March 9 2013 at 6:06 pm Give me a call any time you want to test that theory and we'll go out for drinks You seem so charming and witty you should have no problem meeting women while we're out And you know this from your observations of women you said Again I ask are you a mind reader? Because I don't know how else you could determine that women are turning guys down because of a "laundry list" of unreasonable unshakable demands unless you're suggesting you're seeing women actually pull out a physical list and compare the guy. Mel_ says March 7 2013 at 3:06 pm If you make an IntenseDebate account it'll let you edit your comments up until the point someone replies I have needed to correct many a typo of my own (and still don't always. Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 12:13 pm Marty Farley says March 4 2013 at 9:44 am Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 11:46 am As a society we seem to believe rapists are generally strangers who violently assault their victim in the course of the rape while the reality is that "Well I made sure to get my girlfriend to say yes before I fucked her even though she really wasn't into it she knew it would be a bad idea to tell me no tonight" is the more common scenario Eselle28 says Ma at 5:04 pm The car thing stood out to me as well I know a lot of women who care a little bit about a guy's body type social skills and financial wherewithal and a few women who care a lot about one or more of those things I can't think of anyone who expects her mate to have a. Really because my understanding was that she'd be kicked out for "not keeping her virtue intact" Its kind of the medieval form of "she was asking for it by wearing that tight dress." Its the same reason certain fundamental religious fathers will honor kill their daughters and not themselves. That depends Do you just mean that you want to be a confident person that other people enjoy being around who brings value to a social setting by being charming entertaining helpful etc.? Then I would say no that's a good thing But if you mean you want to be someone who focuses on demonstrating to others how he's better than them who tries to pick up women by making them feel insecure and feels any show of vulnerability on his part is shameful then yes I think that's a bad thing for all the reasons DNL gives in his article My advice to you: Stop taking things so seriously regarding the courtship of a woman You come across as way too analytical and serious That is great for philosophy economics and business but not for talking to and relating with women To connect with women you need to relax and be your unrestricted self in the moment Nothing matters just be The Modern Man is not new world or old world We hold the centre as you refer to in that we encourage guys to follow the path that is true to their heart Some guys want to have sex with many women and then have a relationship while others want to take things slow and marry one woman We support both paths because both paths are valid and applicable to the modern world If you’re confused about how to tackle the modern world I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship: /in/18c787c Cheers Dan Gentleman Horndog says March 4 2013 at 4:47 pm What a woman says is always important Even if it's contradicted by her actions ESPECIALLY when it's contradicted by her actions Orv says March 6 2013 at 12:03 am Tosca says March 7 2013 at 3:34 pm I won't deny that it "works" for a narrow sliver of the population either You're always going to have shallow and status-seeking men AND women You're going to have sociopaths and assholes too who from a limited outside perspective seem to "have it all" Are you mixing up correlation and causation? Just because the comments that get thumbed down are generally those that disagree with the article does not mean that disagreeing with the article is the cause for them getting thumbed down The cause is almost always* a different unsavoury attribute of the comment Sometimes it's because the comment is an argument for something just plain stupid Sometimes the comment shows that the commenter is not paying attention to the other side of the argument Sometimes it's because of the amount of whining in the comment There are many other possible causes besides those three but simply disagreeing is not one of them * and the only reason I don't say always is because I cannot remember every comment that got downvoted on every article on. (Soft English accented nature documentary voice) When threatened the human has been known to leap onto its opponent and savage their face with its sharp teeth This is presumed to be an evolutionary holdover from a common ancestor with chimpanzees Simiarly the fondness for coastal locations that humans display is likely because they are evolved from aquatic ancestors Mel_ says March 6 2013 at 9:59 am I'm starting to think there's no much point in trying to argue this stuff with Gil since his preferred method of discussion seems to be to purposely misread or ignore everything anyone says so that he can use whatever his preferred argument is without regard to what he's responding to Very difficult to have a discussion with someone who won't even listen to anyone else's side of the conversation Actually I don't know whether Gil is to blame for that or not What I do know is that if he is he is not the only one I saw the comment at -1 earlier gave it a positive vote to cancel that out (because in my opinion correcting a typo is a neutral comment and ought to have a neutral rating) and now it's back down to -1. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 11:49 pm "A large part of the "who is more than who"is pointless because being is relative to a certain group and status is relative to certain groups so the answer is relative to which group." If I had to guess I'd attribute that coldness and hostility to the power of assholes telling each other they're right to be assholes and if anything could stand to be even bigger assholes But for me we're now deep into the kind of speculation that's only really appropriate in person over some beers and tends to lead to one's bare ass dangling in the breeze when conducted over the Internet So I think I'll. Eselle28 says Ma at 4:17 pm Many of the sites aimed at men are doing the. Assuming that you’re the doesn’t mean that you need to aggressively boss people around The most admired s are those who operate with relaxed confidence respect other people and simply lead the way (or help lead the way) to whatever is trying to be achieved Assuming that you’re the also doesn’t mean that you need to be arrogant and think that you’re better than everyone else Instead simply take on the role of the and believe that you can handle whatever challenges are thrown your way If you fail a challenge either try again or let the person/people know that you can’t do it Then delegate the task to someone else who can The either leads the way by doing it himself or he gets someone else to do it Either way he’s taking the lead and getting things done When a man walks into a room of people he will either: Orv says March 7 2013 at 1:27 pm I would have downvoted my own typo correcting comments the 4th or 5th time I needed to correct one immediately I posted the comment Orv says March 5 2013 at 6:01 pm Leeesq says March 4 2013 at 12:06 pm And how do you reconcile this theory with your other theory that people behave the way they do because they're like chimpanzees? Consider fe chimpanzees are quite happy to have sex with the beta chimps when the 's not paying attention and no one in their "tribe" ostracizes them for it (in fact if the notices and gets angry it's mainly at the other ) I don't see how you can argue that both are true if you actually care about your arguments making sense Orv says March 6 2013 at 12:43 am I'm going to go drink some haterade and have a cookie and then go to bed I'm exhausted from all the partner swapping orgies I don't know how the bonobos do this. One guy in particular is pretty obsessed with needing to seem manly and my fiance has told me quite a few stories where even some light ribbing was enough to provoke this guy into threatening to start a fight with his coworkers One story in particular wherein macho man was up a few dozen feet high on scaffolding with another guy and other guy was poking fun at macho man Macho man threatened to punch him and other guy quickly apologized because he had no idea if macho was serious or not and a punch could have meant losing his grip and potentially falling On a dangerous work site teamwork compassion intuition and other less "macho" characteristics are absolutely critical to all making it home safe and preoccupation with masculinity makes work unnecessarily risky Silverback gorillas don't make good coworkers Do you listen to yourself like at all? I mean you ignored Marty's *entire* argument to make a snarky remark about partner-swapping which had nothing to do with what she said simply because her comment included the word "bonobos" *That* is why your comment is going to get downvoted Not because we're big meanies who can't handle someone disagreeing with us Because your comment isn't even a disagreement–it's a random line that's irrelevant to the conversation and disrespectful to the person who actually bothered to respond to you with facts rather. Guesst says March 6 2013 at 5:28 pm "Nearly all romance novels focus on dominant '' s who are brutal and thuggish these would not sell if women were turned off by men who are dominant and ''." Gil says March 6 2013 at 11:21 pm I didn't downvote someone's typo reply comment 😐 Enail says Ma at 8:37 am Wow you have absolutely no idea what makes for a good and satisfying relationship Hint: it's got remarkably little to do with cars muscles financial success or extroversion I think it comes down to this sort of view where you either need to take responsibility yourself or need to blame someone externally and it is hard to go "You know what? I'm the problem here It's really almost entirely my fault and to change things I need to put in a lot of hard work and change the way I see myself the way I value myself and the way I interact with others." It is easy to go "It's THEIR FAULT THEY are the ones screwing me out of the sex I deserve." If you're young (or not so young) and you lack the introspection to appreciate that you own your own success or failure (generally speaking) and log onto the internet to complain about your failures in you're more likely to find other angry guys who will help teach you that it's not your fault and that you should be really angry at the women who keep denying. Mel_ says Ma at 11:25 pm Wow you're calling *me* a troll? Because I provided data and challenged your made-up statistics (which I notice you didn't even address)? Right Pua's call this kind of "supplicating" and being a marker of low status and something only pathetic guys do (To be fair though popular PUA's seem to have more of attitude that a certain about of "beta" is can be good especially if you want to be in a relationship as long as beta never exceeds the amount of "" ) Feminists also hate on exactly the same thing Rather than calling it "beta" they refer to it as being a "Nice Guy" Demonstrating "beta" is cast as being "fundamentally dishonest" or manipulative and that he should be more upfront and assertive…they're basically saying "act more " A lot of "Nice Guy" articles mock "Nice Guys" as pathetic losers who would be incredibly unsatisfying to sleep with – just like PUA's mock "beta" in precisely the. 00Mpal00Mpa says Ap at 12:21 pm >>People also tend to date and marry in their own socio-economic class << Gentleman Johnny says March 9 2013 at 4:22 pm Tosca says Ma at 4:53 pm " like less 5% with guys especially under 30 the figure is closer to half" Ok first of all from where do you even pull these numbers? Your ass? It's your ass isn't it? Robert says March 5 2013 at 9:48 am I don't get that last bit Why can't men withhold sex from a woman to change her behaviour if say the woman wants sex and the man does not? Maybe I've misunderstood what. I had hoped that would get caught up under Option 1… my argument being that if the dissatisfied partner knew from the beginning that the sex wasn't very good but chose to stay anyway well that was the choice they made I don't want to say they shouldn't complain about it now so much as I want to say that this was a problem they were aware of and accepted when they decided to commit to the relationship Specifically the dissatisfied partner affirmatively made the choice to enter into/commit to growing a relationship where they knew they were going to be unhappy with the sex He wasn't somehow tricked or trapped into that situation against his will is the mindset I'm attempting to argue against (Goes to the whole internal vs external locus of control point the Doc has made before.) […] in almost all advice for men from Pick-Up Artists Red Pill-ers and … even my own The cult of the for example is explicitly about how s are socially (and/or physically) superior1. Bas Kleijweg says March 6 2013 at 7:28 am But once you get beyond the broad swaths of proscribed and into the weeds of the specifics things start to vary immensely Is it more to have lots of sex or to make the choice to commit to one woman? Is it more to cheat on one’s spouse or to stay faithful in the face of temptation? Who is more the singer in a band the popular artist the banker or the cage-fighter? If the banker loses his job is. Anyway the media *already* portrays sex as this all-important amazing thing I don't think allowing women to feel safe and positive about being sexually active would somehow make having sex seem even more important to guys or make guys who aren't having sex feel worse And it would result in more people having sex thus fewer people feeling bad about their lack of sex life So this seems like a win-win. Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 10:21 am Awesome information grade A stuff right here Obviously apart from reading the flow and listening to the other modern man products when can we expect more on this topic on being the higher status ? Dan Bacon Hi Tony Thanks for your positive feedback. Lisa says October 8 2014 at 6:03 pm Men never fall for bad women at all meaning girly jerks but women are entitled to be bad for men and treat them like crap Men are slaves while women are masters who. Hey! I don’t want to make an essay out of this I hope that you with your skillset can make the most possible out of the situation I’m in (Long time ago I went through the flow and mastery methods If there is any other product that could still be of help to me then let me know I’m at an advanced level already!) Since late august I’ve been living at college studying acting College is pretty special especially when you like me live at one completely isolated from rest of the society in the way that you hang around the same people a lot I’m not a relationship-type guy At least I’ve never been before Eselle28 says Ma at 1:29 pm Oh I don't think anyone would quibble with that Gil's argument is absurd because he's being so absolute about it and because he keeps bringing teenagers into things If you currently don’t think behave and take action in life like an would then you are literally limiting your attractiveness to women You may be a good guy with good intentions but if you don’t display traits you will always find it difficult to attract and maintain the interest of women when you meet them and when in a relationship By the way… Being an is not about being a bad boy or a jerk It’s also not about bossing people around or being an asshole either Being an having the confidence to go what you want in life and with women rather than wanting to be more successful with women or in life in general but being afraid to take action face your. A Third Guest says Ma at 6:11 pm Tosca says Ma at 9:17 pm In my experience loud boisterous men who are very extroverted do not generally go for introverted women either But I'd never be so obtuse as to claim that all extroverted men *everywhere* NEVER go for introverted women like. One Psychology Today has basically fallen off the wagon as a reputable scientifically rigorous publication I take just about everything they say with a grain of salt Two I'm sure there is a (small) segment of the fe population that's interested in thugs and serial killers I'm also sure they're rather dysfunctional Like attracts like etc However that doesn't address the millions perhaps billions of women who aren't that sort of person Nor does it explain why some men date women who are bad for them And it certainly doesn't explain dominant women whether in the boardroom or the bedroom So yeah that article hell that whole theory has some holes. I disagree specifically for this reason Men in japanese manga are portrayed in a much more “metro” way than they are in american comics There are of course exceptions but the japanese ideal or rather the perception of the ideal is not macho The character type exists but it is less popular than the visual kei prettyboy. Ma at 6:47 pm Or that any other specified person has personally experienced for that matter Gentleman Johnny says March 6 2013 at 1:09 am By all means let's hear your definition Since it is variable I'd much rather be deconstructing the. Dan Is it necessary to be very good looking to be an ? What if you are just average looking? Also I have a lisp would that ruin my chances of becoming an ? I have noticed that some people don’t take me as seriously due to my lisp -Thanks Dan Bacon Hey Justin The answer to your question is right here: //audio Listen as we interview a customer who fits that description perfectly. Hey Knut Simple: Those women couldn’t find themselves a real man The wimpy guy got lucky and his woman will never love him feel attraction for him and respect him as much as she would a real man Read: //how-to-get-lucky-with- //relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a- //relationships/should-men-do- You're correct on one side and incorrect on another The goal of PUA's "get lots of sex" is fine If that's what you want cool I'm saying that getting lots of sex without consideration for whether or not the person is interesting to you for anything else is inferior I'm also exaggerating my post to be in line with the more vocal MRA/PUA commentors who like to present their goals and their worldviews as innately correct Eselle28 says Ma at 9:21 pm Can I get a subscription as well? I hear the off season sales are particularly good this time. Orv says March 6 2013 at 12:11 am A Third Guest says Ma at 5:30 pm Weren't you a crazy social guy to make up for it? I bet that other guy. Deadliftman says March 4 2013 at 5:28 pm "We're done (for now at the very least) either way " – that for now part is the most important thing that a lot of guys have a hard time understanding Women generally react to whatever they are feeling at that particular moment Mel_ says March 5 2013 at 3:17 pm Eselle28 says March 5 2013 at 3:53 pm I think some people think about sex as a form of advanced masturbation that comes with bragging rights Guest says Ma at 7:42 pm Copyright © 2018 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress ·.